Fifty Shades of Shoey

Chapter 16

Shane's POV:

"I don't...," Joey begins.
My heart breaks knowing what's going to come next. I should spare myself and leave now. I look down and let a tear stream down my face.
"I don't want to lie to you," Joey finishes.
"Joey, you don't need him," Sawyer says from behind me. I turn around to look at him. That bitch.
"Sawyer, I don't know what the fuck I did to make you resent me but whatever it is, I'm sorry. Now, please. Just let me love him," I finally confront Sawyer.
"I care way too much about Joey to let you toy with him. You've done enough damage, just let him breathe," Sawyer says.
"Why don't you let me fucking breathe, Sawyer?!," I yell.
I hear the door slam behind me. Fuck. Sawyer reacts quicker than I do and runs out the door, slamming it in my face. Cunt.
"Joey, please don't run from me," I beg when I catch up to them.
"I'm not running, you're just chasing."
"Joey, come back."
"Don't listen to him, Joey," Sawyer says.
"Fine. Listen to fucking Sawyer for all I care! Let him tell you what to do and what not to do! I'm done," I yell without thinking. I turn around and walk to my car. Shit, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. He needs to I know I do care. I turn around and see Sawyer driving Satsuki off, with a sobbing Joey in the passenger's seat. Fuck.

Joey's POV:

"He doesn't care, Sawyer. He doesn't fucking care about me," I cry.
"I'm sorry, Joey. The world isn't as delightful as it may seem through a screen," Sawyer tells me.
"I haven't even vlogged in so long. This pixelated world isn't exactly the happy wonderland it seems to be," I complain. I wipe my face, trying to stop the tears. "I'm sorry for storming out yesterday, Joey. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done that," Sawyer apologizes.
"No. Don't apologize. It was completely my fault. I'm sorry for... what I said," I respond.
"Did he hurt you?," Sawyer asks, looking away from the road.
"Not physically," I answer.
He only broke my heart and crushed my soul.
"Where are we going?," I ask Sawyer after a short period of silence.
"Umm... breakfast?," Sawyer responds.

Shane's POV:

Fuck, I don't know if I'm ready to do this. I have to eventually. I just need more time. She's gonna yell at me, I can feel it.
After ten minutes of contemplating, I walk inside.
"Lisa?"
She comes running from the bedroom
"Where have you been, Shane?!," Lisa shouts. I can't tell if she's worried or pissed.
"Lisa, we need to talk."
By the look on her face I can tell she knows what's coming. It was bound to happen. She stares at my neck then down at Joey's sweatshirt, completely confused.
"Okay...," her voice trails off in a questioning tone. She seems to be in a daze. Fuck, I'm really not ready to hurt her. I don't want to be that guy... I don't want to be the guy that leaves his long-term girlfriend for someone else. I hate that I cheated on her but I can't help what I'm feeling. She sits down on the couch and I sit down with her. She stares at my sweatshirt for a while with confusion on her pretty features. She looks so stressed and it's all my fault. I'm ruining the lives of two people I really really care about.
"Lisa I love you, I really do. But I don't love you the way I thought I did. I'm really confused. need to figure myself out...," I begin to say before I'm cut off by her laugher. What the fuck?
"Why are you laughing?," I ask her.
"You can stop already, Shane. I'm not falling for it. Although, you pulled off quite a show with the fake hickeys and the 'Graceffa' sweatshirt," Lisa says, looking around and smiling as if there were cameras. Does she seriously think this is a prank? Oh lord. At least now I know what the boy who cried wolf feels like. The Boy Who Cried Gay. Nah, more like: The Grown Man Who Cried Confused.
"Lisa, this isn't a prank," I say in the most serious tone I can possibly muster. This is what I get for being a YouTuber who portrays himself this way.
"Wha-what? Are you fucking kidding me right now?," she says.
"No. I just I couldn't keep this pent up inside me any longer and..."
I stop when she stands up turns away from me.
"Just tell me one thing, Shane," Lisa says, "Did you cheat on me?"
Fuck. I sigh, there's no easy way to put it. I stand up, walking over to face her.
"I'm so sorry, Lisa," I say.
She breaks into hysterical sobs and I just want to disappear. I wish I could disintegrate into thin air. She breathes heavily, trying to calm herself down.
"Who was it?," she asks in between sniffles.
"That's a bit more complicated," I tell her. I can see her putting all the pieces together in her mind.
"Are you...gay?"
"I, I don't know. I still haven't figured that out," I confess.
"So you were with Joey? I thought you guys were an act. 'Oh no, it's all for the cameras, Lisa!' 'It's just for the viewers, Lisa' 'Shoey's just an act'," Lisa mimics me. First of all, I have never ever said that, mostly because she's never asked. Second, are you serious?!
Instead of being rude back I decide to just stay calm.
"It wasn't just that, and you know it Lisa. We just weren't working," I further explain.
"Is that where you've been all this time? Hooking up with guys to try and 'find yourself'?!," Lisa angrily says.
"No, I just...ugh. It's hard to explain. You don't understand," I tell her.
"Oh no, I understand. Go on, Shane. Just waste those fucking years over a one night stand," she yells.
"It wasn't... I didn't... you know what? Fuck you. I honestly thought you, of all people, would be way more supportive about this. I thought you would understand. I thought you loved me enough to be happy for me, to be happy that I'm figuring myself out. You've watched me suffer all this time, not caring to know why, and when you finally figure it out you just try to make it worse," I rant.
She looks really hurt and I probably shouldn't have gone off on her but she was being such a bitch. Does she not think this is hard for me?
I don't wait for her to speak, instead I storm into the closet. Seems like I was just there. I grab my suitcase from the very top of the walk in closet and start grabbing random shit from my side. I stuff as much of my stuff as I can and walk back out to the living room. Lisa stops me on my way out the door. "Wait, Shane. We can figure this out. You don't have to leave," she tells me. Too late, bitch.
"I know I don't have to leave, I pay the bills here," I rudely say. So she chooses now to stop being a bitch? I'm way too angry and hurt to give in.
"Shane!," she whines.
"Bye," I dismiss myself, gently pushing past her.

Joey's POV:

We come home after breakfast at a place I've never been to and don't plan on going back to. I feel so dispirited, even after a nice long shower. Contemplating on why someone doesn't love you is very draining.
I think back to several weeks ago when everything was fine. Things were perfect before that stupid wrestling challenge video. It won't hurt to just shut my eyes and remember.

I was at the gym when I got a Twitter notification. My notifications are only on for a few people. He was one of them. I immediately opened it, excited to find out what Shane had tweeted me.
"@JoeyGraceffa let's Netflix & chill 🍆💦," it read.
Of course, he was joking. The reply section was filled with plenty overly-excited Shoey shippers and a few angry Shisa shippers. Ugh, the Shisa shippers.
"@shanedawson definitely ;)," I tweeted back, going along with the joke. Seconds later, I got a call from him. I left the gym to just to take his call.
"Hey Shane," I answered casually.
"What's up, sexy?," he joked. Even when he was only kidding, he still managed to make me blush.
"Just left the gym," I told him. Ooh, that probably sounded like I was showing off.
"You better come over here and let me lick those rock hard abs," he said, sounding less sarcastic than expected. I didn't know how to respond so I just laughed.
"Come over," Shane told me in a more serious tone.
"Okay," I said, smiling like an idiot at the fact that he was inviting me to his house after I had just been there the day before.

It was all so perfect. But I was also dying inside. I was dying from all that repressed emotion. I loved him, but he didn't know it. Now that he does, I'm even more vulnerable to him. I would have done anything for this boy, I still would.
Tweet
I jump at the unexpected noise. I instinctively turn my phone on and go to Twitter.
"@JoeyGraceffa I love you"

Question of the day: What do you think will happen next?

Sorry for the wait, I've been dealing with stuff.