Fifty Shades of Shoey

Chapter 15

Shane's POV:

"Goodbye, Shane," Joey says. Is he seriously kicking me out? No, he can't. I love him. Does he really think I would choose Lisa over him?
"Joey, please. I love you," my voice cracks. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He doesn't love me. Joey doesn't love me. I close my eyes in attempt to conceal the tears. I've been holding them in for much too long.
"As much as I would love to believe that, Shane, it's not true. You don't... you don't love me like I love you. You don't feel the same way I feel about you. You never will," he says, a lot more calmly. My heart hurts so much. How could he think that? I love him so much, he needs to know that.
"Go," Sawyer demands. What the hell made him hate me so much? Why does he resent me? We used to be great friends, before I fucked his roommate. Oh my gosh, does he have feelings for Joey?! No... No, he can't. He's definitely straight. Right? Fuck. He wouldn't friend zone the guy he has feelings for.
"Don't you dare try to tell me to go, Sawyer. Who the fuck was here to take care of him while he was drunk? Who the fuck took him to the hospital when he was unconscious on the bloody floor?! Who the fuck was here when he-"
"Shut the fuck up. Don't fucking flatter yourself, Shane. You do it once and you already think you're a hero. Bitch please, tell that to all those times I was here for him while he was miserably harming himself over your fucking relationship. Tell me who the fuck has been here all this time! Tell me who the fuck has dealt with this for the longest! And taking care of you? You were fucking taking advantage of him while he was drunk!," Sawyer yells.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! First of all, I in no way took advantage of him. I would never! And maybe if I had, maybe if I had fucking known I would have actually done something a lot sooner. I fucking love Joey. I love him! I need you to fucking accept that, the sooner the better," I argue.
"Joey wants you to leave! He's not buying your bullshit anymore, Shane. Just shut the fuck up and go with your damn girlfriend," Sawyer says.
"Don't you dare tell me I don't love him. I love him with all I have, I love him more than anything!"
"If you loved him you wouldn't still have a girlfriend! If you actually loved him you'd be acting like a boyfriend not a fucking whore," he insults me.
I almost swing at him but then remember what happened the last time I tried to. I will never forgive myself for that and I won't ever let it happen again. I take a few calming deep breaths before turning to Joey who is still hiding behind his hands and knees. He's not whimpering anymore so I assume he's done crying.
"Joseph, I am so terribly sorry for what happened last night. I came here to ask you to be mine and I had no intention whatsoever to have drunk sex with you. It was not in my agenda so please dear Joseph, forgive me," I milk my apology, taunting Sawyer.
"Asshole."
"Yes, Sawyer. It was anal sex," I say sarcastically.
"I am so ready to swing at him. Just give me the 'okay', Joey," Sawyer says to Joey. This little bitch.
"Can you just go?! I've wasted too much time arguing with you! I could have been tending to Joey this whole time but you just won't stop bitching!," I tell Sawyer.
"Idiot, this my apartment!," he argues. "I don't fucking care if this is your house! If it weren't for me, you wouldn't even fucking know Joey! What are you even trying to get out of me?! Do you want me to tell Joey I don't love him, because I'm not gonna fucking lie to him!," I yell.
"Yet you would lie to Lisa! She's your fucking girlfriend, Shane!," Sawyer yells. Fuck. I don't even know what I'm gonna do about Lisa. I loved her, I did. I still do. I just don't love her the same way, I don't love her the way I love Joey. I will never love anyone the way I love this man, or even close to as much as I love him. I'm just not good at expressing my feelings. Pretending to be numb to everything is kind of important to me. Joey gets up and pulls his pants on. Sawyer and I watch silently as Joey leaves the room. Where is he going? We both instinctually follow him. He looks around, surprised but the cleanliness of the room, then grabs his keys and walks towards the door.
"Joey?," Sawyer and I ask in unison. Joey turns around to face us.
"Yes?"
"Where are you going?," Sawyer asks before me.
"Anywhere but here," he responds casually. He's acting as if nothing has happened.
"You can't drive with a hangover," I tell him.
"I'll be fine," Joey says.
"I'm coming with you," Sawyer says. I want to stab him in the throat with a rusty fork. Joey nods, only making me more angry. I grab Joey's hand before he can escape.
"Baby, please don't leave me," I beg. He looks into my eyes then looks back down at the floor.
"What is it that you want from me, Shane?," Joey asks.
"I want you to love me the way I love you. I want you to be mine. I want to take care of you. I want to give you all my love and to share this passion that I have for you. I want us to be something. I need you," I spill my heart out without going too deep because Sawyer's here. I hear Sawyer huff in annoyance.
"Or I want you to tell me you don't love me and that you never will. Tell me you'll never feel the same way and you won't ever have to see me again," I continue.
"I don't..."

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