Magcon Princess 2

Chapter 20 Sad days.

Madisyn Espinosa @MaddieEspinosa: I remember your blue eyes looking into mine like we had our own secret club.. Miss you little Princess..❤️

It has been hard these past days. Luke and Harry went back on tour. They come back the day before the billboards which is in six days. Then they leave again.

I haven't left my room unless I need to go to the bathroom. That is it. I haven't talked to anyone besides Harry to tell him bye when he left which was over text. My Aunt Kathy texted me to tell me when Jenna's funeral is. Which it is tomorrow. I am suppose to speak, but I am afraid of breaking down. I can't even say her name without crying.

I think I am going to sing her favorite song. See you again by Carrie Underwood. She absolutely loved that song. Every time it came on she would sing her little heart out. I miss her..

I need to make a video. It is probably going to be one about everything that has been happening. Slowly I brushed my hair up, and put my hair into a messy bun. I am wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Just your typical wear.

I clicked the record button, and started.

"Hey guys it the Madisyn Espinosa again.. I haven't really explained why I have been tweeting like once a day or completely shutting out the world. So this video is going to be depressing. When I make videos it is kinda like writing in a diary. I get to say how I am doing and feeling. And it honestly feels amazing. As you can tell I have no makeup on, my face is puffy, my eyes are red, I have bags under my eyes, and I look like I got these clothes from a hobo. Well about three days ago my family lost a love one.. He name was Jenna."
I took a pause, and started crying. I put my face into my hands and tried to slow it down.

I let the salty tears run down my face as I begun to speak again. "She was eight years old, and she was my light. Everything about her made me smile. She was on her way to her soccer game with her friend and her friends mom when a drunk driver hit them. She passed away during surgery... Hearing the doctor say she was gone was the hardest things I have ever heard.. I am just glad I have my family and you guys to help me through this. It is defiantly one of the darkest times of my life.. And I just- I just- I don't even know." I cried.

"I'm sorry this story is so depressing.. I really do love you guys. So I'll see you next week. Love you stay beautiful Peace."

I turned the camera off, and just sat in my chair, and cried. This is the worst feeling ever. I feel so empty and broken..

After a little of crying I edited the video, and uploaded it. Next I tweeted about it being up. I probably look like death right now. I haven't eaten in days, or talked to anyone in the house. They gave up after a day of me ignoring them. I dragged my self over to my body mirror and looked at myself.

My face was sunken in with bags under my eyes. You could see my ribs if you lifted up my sweatshirt. My eyes are red and puffy, and my face just looks terrible. It looks like I have done drugs for ten years. I need to take better care of my self. I know Jenna wouldn't want me doing this to my self.

I took a step out of my room, and looked around to see if anyone was around. No one up here. Slowly I walked down the stair case. When I reached the bottom Cam noticed me, and gave me the biggest hug. I closed my eyes trying to hold back any tears.

"I missed you so much." He whispered in my ear.

I let go from the hug, and looked him in the eyes. "I missed you too Cam."

I looked over at Matt who had his arms out. He looked almost as bad as me. I ran into his arms, and gave him a big hug. He is the best brother ever.

"You look terrible," he said looking at me.

"You look bad too," I slightly smiled. "I love you bobo."

"I love you too Rae. Now when was the last time you ate? You look so skinny." He stated observing me.

"It's been a couple days. I should probably eat something." I made myself some chicken noodle soup, and quietly ate it with Matt.

"Did you hear Shawn and Liz broke up?" Matt asked grabbing a cracker.

"No I didn't," I said shocked. I wonder why? They seemed like a happy couple. Minus when Shawn kissed me...

"You should check up on him."

I nodded my head, and continued eating my soup. It feels good to eat something again. Once I finished eating I put my dishes in the dish washer, and went upstairs. Before going back to my room I decided to make a quick stop at Shawn's room to make sure he is okay.

I knocked on the door getting a 'come in' in return.

"Hey," I slowly said walking in.

"Hey! How are you doing?" Shawn asked.

"Eh. I heard about the break up. Are you okay?" I asked sitting on the bed.

I hope he doesn't find this awkward to talk to me about it.

"Well I actually broke up with her. I just want to say sorry for taking her side during all of that shit. You didn't deserve any of that. I really am sorry," he apologized.

I could tell in his eyes he really is sorry.

I forgave him, and we started talking about music. After a while I left to my bathroom to take a shower.