Aryun's pov
i took journalism in uni. it's interesting to go for, nothing else really interested me as a whole. i want to learn about people and the world. with my life however, i'm not so sure about it. sometimes its better not to think about the future and let yourself pursue something you want. might be hard at first but eventually you'll figure it out anyway. life's too cruel sometimes on us, we still somehow manage to cope with it.
i'm sure i will too.
with my dumb life however. i never had a partner. not even after siwon left. i sometimes remember her even after nearly three years of no contact between us.. i miss her pretty much. she was never my partner, well, i never considered her one before.. even when she gave pretty much every sign of liking me in that way. i just.. wasn't sure of myself. currently still. i hope.. she moved on. but thinking of this alone makes me feel weird. as though i dont want her to move on from the bottom of my heart. why is that? i should really stop with this hypocrisy.
after all i bade her goodbye happily that day. happily.. was i even happy? because she meant alot to me. not as a friend. not as a partner.
as a person. she meant very much to me. the only thing i was sure of. even though i wanted her to move on from me, i truly wanted her to come back once. and.. maybe.. communicate. we never got to do that. and i genuinely regret that moment where i misunderstood her everytime. only because my dumbass couldnt realize she was in love with me. i dont know from when, but for a very long time.
anywayy. i'm 22. being 22 makes me feel pretty old. i made friends at my new uni though. it really brings joy to me when i'm surrounded with people who have the same passion as i do. one of the only reasons i like being in uni. i was working on my laptop at the same old cafe. yeah, where i met siwon. it was overwhelming at times but. i loved going there. even when its just.. to pass time sometimes.
i sat at the very back with my laptop on my face because my eyesight eventually became poor- it was summer so i had casuals on. just a tiring day of preparing my presentation for my next class... i wish someone helped me on that. i was still not very great at words anyway. but i guessssss i could make it work.
i sipped my coffee and i stretched my arms for a while. that day.. felt heavier. it was almost like the scent of something familiar came in. something dear.. something meaningful. i looked around for a while. someone caught my eye at the front. long black hair, with headphones, with a casual shirt on. she held a cup of coffee too, eventually taking a sip. it was odd.
she reminded me of siwon. but that couldnt be her right? siwon didnt have long hair.
i mean. my hair is currently fairly short. i shouldnt have assumed her to still have short hair after three years.. man whatever- that wasnt important right then. i must have been seeing things. maybe i miss her a little too much.. maybe that woman at the front isnt siwon after all. she's studying in Singapore.. what would she here in seoul?
but something still didnt convince me that. i had to check if that was siwon or not. she wasnt that far.. i closed my laptop to have a better look. she was facing the front anyway, there was no way i could look at her face without actually going there... i sound very childish. man..
i suddenly noticed some boy going to her, he looked like eight or nine. that.. that reminded me of something i saw at the cafe about siwon. siwon made friends with a little kid buying him cake. i.. witnessed that. yeah. right. theres no way they still remember each other though.
but they interacted. freely. i saw her smile. he gave her a piece of cake and share with her. she gladly took it and laughed. that laugh.. that indeed. was siwon's. she patted his head. maybe they had a deal of exchanging pastries or whatsoever. it.. took my breath away for a second.
