Siwon's POV (13 y/o)
i went to school. it was nothing special. all i did was study as the chaos continued to be around me. i see humans as sources of noise, nothing more or less. i had no passion too. i probably just wanted some friends without having to beg. weirdly enough, this new weird kid got admitted recently, i paid almost no attention before he had started to annoy the hell out of me. or just hanging around me and i found it annoying.
"hii!!!" i heard the voice again, it got me startled as always. "let's play something at the campus!!" oddly enough, other people with him looked at me as if they had seen the most disgusting trash pile. they didnt want an antisocial human like me to play, but wonsung however chose to call me too.
"i'm okay..." i replied, looking back at my desk again. "dont be grumpy again.." he pouted. i didnt pay attention to the sounds of others probably saying how worthless i am to play with. wonsung quietly left, i didnt look back. in the back of my mind, i wished to be normal enough to play with them and not look at this stupid desk.
it was almost time. i rushed home as i knew he had been waiting for my training. one of the things i actually enjoyed in my life was to be with my father.
"how was school? did you have fun?" he asked, the first thing he would ask unlike my mother, who would have asked 'did you study well' or something. i smiled and hugged him without answering, he gave pats on my head. "boring.." i replied.
"school isnt supposed to be fun when you study all the time you know," he chuckled. "well, training time at the park now or should you play games?"
"training," i replied, playing games would be similar to fighting with mom to play. it was always better if i just had stayed outside with dad whenever i had the chance. he had a black belt on taekwondo, and for some reason he wanted me to learn too, not to get a black belt, but to just have fun being cool. we started training as usual. the unusualness came when i saw wonsung watching us eagerly as he passed by. quietly though. i accidentally saw him, instantly he rushed to me.
"siwon!! you're so cool! what is this called again? taekwondo? you know taekwondo??" he started to ask a bunch of questions as my dad just looked at both of us and chuckled.
"is that a friend, siwon?" he asked. i didnt speak.
"hey what's your name, young guy?" he asked wonsung. "yang wonsung! nice to meet you, siwon never plays with us, uncle. i invite her everytime but she always refuses. for some reason the others dont want her to play with us too.." he started yapping. i was eventually getting annoyed. i at once pushed him with full force and he fell on the ground. it happened so fast that everyone remained silent. the guilt ate me up.
"wonsung! are you okay?" my dad ran to him and examined to find any cuts or something. he looked back at me.
"apologize, siwon-ah. i dont teach you taekwondo to beat other kids for no reason, do i?" he said, without sounding angry. he rather sounded calm. i still didnt know why i pushed him. he annoyed me. he annoyed us. interrupted my training session out of nowhere. he was not even my friend. atleast i dont consider.
"siwon?" he repeated.
"....i'm sorry."
what would a normal kid do? they would be happy to see their friend out of nowhere right? they wouldnt push their friend or even just a classmate like that just because the other annoyed them. mom always said i wasnt normal. that stuck with me for a good while and eventually i subconsciously took it. this is why its all messy.
"siwon.. its okay, i'm not hurt! but you have cool strength! you're so cool!" wonsung got up and said. he was such a weirdo. why doesnt he understand? "my mom taught me to forgive people when they're truly sorry. you seem truly sorry so i forgive you, it's okay!! also you're my friend so i guess friends do fight sometimes right?"
my dad gave a pat on my head. "you two are so cute. wonsung, wanna get ice cream with siwon?" he asked, looking at wonsung. he was more than happy to hear that and jumped in joy. dad then looked at me.
"if someone wants to be your friend, dont be rude to them, okay?" he said, smiling. i smiled back too, releasing all of my guilt because of that one sentence. i could be a nice friend. right? mom wouldnt make me stay away from them.
the next day wonsung sat next to me and peeked at the book i was reading. "wanna play?" he asked. "play with your friends," i replied with rather a normal voice. "i declined them because they dont wanna play with you,"
huh? i looked up at him.
"and they kinda say mean things about you.. i dont like being around them so," he continued and chuckled. "..but you're all alone." "where? i'm with you!! i was wondering we could walk home together!! and you come to my house too even uhh my sister is kinda annoying but she's fun too!" he started to yap. i kind of joined in, as well.
i wasnt afraid to talk for the first time. having a friend is so fun. i still wonder why my mom always keep me away from my this enjoyment. i wonder once she found out about wonsung and some other friends along the way she immediately homeschooled me.
why. i dont understand.
i dont even remember why my dad left again. he was happy with us. he loved me too. my mind started to fog. the memories started to fade. i only remember that i eventually taught wonsung taekwondo. few days after that wonsung's sister died. then he became kinda distant too. valid enough. then i became 18. then i met aryun.
what a blessing. whenever blessings come i get isolated from them. just like again, going to Singapore. i hope blessings dont leave me this time. i will hold onto them.
