Kayano always hated the silence after a performance. Not the applause. She loved that. The thunder of it. The rush. The lights being so bright she could barely see any person's face. The way the people believed her. She hated the quiet in the dressing room afterward.
The mirror was lined with warm bulbs, casting light over her. Makeup softened her features, thick lashes and subtle contour reshaping her face into something more cinematic. Her long hair fell over her shoulders in glossy waves, styled for the role she was playing for tonight's show.
She wiped a thumb across her cheek, smudging the careful line of blush. She looked back in the mirror, and the woman that was looking back looked less composed. More real. It was then that her phone buzzed beside her.
Nagisa: Did it go well?
Kayano smiled, and replied with a thumbs up emoji.
Nagisa: Can't wait to see it.
Kayano: You better. I worked hard to look good.
A pause.
Nagisa: You don't need to work so hard for that.
Kayano's smile softened. Instead of responding, she packed her things, said her goodbyes to the cast and crew, and set a course for back home.
. . .
She stepped into a warm apartment. From the living room came the faint smell of green tea and the sounds of a desk lamp's humming and a pen scratching on paper. Taking all this in, Kayano inhaled, and exhaled with a soft smile.
She was home.
Sitting by the coffee table was Nagisa, grading the papers of his students, when he looked up to see Kayano enter. "You're back", he said gently. Kayano kicked off her legs and stretched. "I am back." He smiled. "So you say shooting today was good?" She hesitated for a bit. "It was good, yeah."
Nagisa tilted his head slightly. "You're tired", he said. "I'm always tired." "That's not what I meant." Kayano rolled her eyes lightly and walked toward him, stopping a few feet away. He was still in his work clothes – button-up shirt, vest, with a slim black tie loosened just slightly at the collar. He was a teacher now. Sometimes she still couldn't believe it. Their days in Classroom 3-E felt like a lifetime ago, but there were of course some things that hadn't changed from then.
He still watched people carefully. Still saw through their masks. Especially hers.
Kayano stepped closer until she was standing between his knees. He set his pen down, attention fully on her now. "Are you still in costume?" She nodded. "Didn't feel like taking it off. Thought I'd let you see me like this first."
He looked her up and down, studying her. "You look beautiful." Her fingers twitched. That was the problem. He always said things so honestly. Kayano reached down and wrapped her fingers around his tie, then gently tugged him up and forward. Instinctively, his hands settled at her waist.
"You know", she said softly. "Everybody tonight kept telling me how convincing I was." "Convincing?", Nagisa asked, brows slightly lifted. "Strong. Unapologetic. Fearless." She gave a small laugh. "They think I'm like that." Nagisa didn't interrupt her. She tightened her grip on his tie, pulling him a little closer so that their foreheads were nearly touching. "You're the only one who sees the real me."
There it was. That quiet dressing room feeling. The part of her that still remembered lying. Hiding. Carrying something monstrous inside her. Being someone else completely that she almost forgot who she was really supposed to be. The world saw her as a talented, cheerful, and adaptable woman.
But he had seen her at her worst. He has seen the darkness. The anger. The grief. And even after it all, he stayed.
Nagisa's hand slid from her waist to gently cup her face. "I don't think there is a 'real' you hidden under all that", he said softly. "You're strong. You're brave. You're capable of terrifying things. And you're kind. And dramatic. Also stubborn. Oh, and you cry at commercials." Kayano blinked. "I do not-." "Yes, you do."
She narrowed her eyes, but leaned forward slightly enough so that their noses were brushing. "That is who you are", he finished. "You are much more than the things you're afraid of." Her grip on his tie loosened, and for a moment neither of them spoke. The air between them felt warmer.
"You make it sound so easy", she whispered. "It's just true", he said. Kayano studied him. His blue hair was slightly messy, and his eyes were steady and calm. "You're doing it again", she said softly. "Doing what?" "Looking at me like that." "Like what?" "Like... that. I don't know how to explain it." Nagisa's expression didn't change. "Like I'm looking at the most precious thing in the whole entire world. Is that how you would describe it? Because I thinks it's very accurate." And upon hearing these words, Kayano felt her breath getting caught.
It still surprised her. Just how direct he could be. How the same boy who uses to be hesitant to raise his voice was now able to speak with so much certainty. She leaned in closer, pressing her forehead against his.
"You're flustering me." "That wasn't my intention." "Liar." He smiled, and tightened his hands slightly at her waist. Silence had settled again. Only this time, it was the comfortable kind. Kayano's fingers slowly slid up his tie until they reached the knot. Absentmindedly, she straightened it properly.
"You look so much like an adult", she murmured. "I am an adult." "Debatable." Nagisa raised a brow. "Weren't you the one who tried to smuggle in pudding at the movie theatre last week?" "They overcharge!", she said with a pout. Her lover laughed softly, making her heart flutter. She leaned in and kissed him. Not rushed. Not desperate. Just warm and certain.
When they parted, she remained close. "Do you ever miss it?", she asked quietly. "Miss what?", he asked. "Back in Classroom 3-E. Being sharper. More dangerous." Nagisa's gaze grew thoughtful. "It never really leaves. But I don't miss needing it. What about you?"
Kayano hesitated. "Sometimes. It was terrifying, but it was clear. We knew what we were working towards." "And now?", asked Nagisa.
The young woman looked around the apartment that the two of them shared. "You're a teacher fighting for his students. And I'm an actress fighting to tell stories." She looked back into his eyes. "And after all that, we come home to each other." Nagisa smiled at her. "And I wouldn't want it any other way." Kayano tugged his tie playfully one last time. "Good answer."
He spun them around suddenly, catching her off guard. In one smooth motion, he switched their positions so that she was sitting on the couch, caged between his arms. Her breath hitched at the action. "Oh?", she said softly. "You started it", he said, a glint in his eyes. His lover smiled slowly. "I don't think I'll ever stop seeing you", he said. "Not the actress. Not the assassin. Not whoever it is you think you are hiding." His voice softened. "Just you."
Kayano's throat tightened. She reached up to his vest and pulled him down into deep, but gentle, kiss. When they broke apart, she gave him a loving smile. "Thank you." Nagisa smiled back at her, then leaned in to kiss her again.
Outside, the city was awake. Cars were passing, lights were flickering, and another actor's performance was probably being applauded. But here, in this quiet and small apartment, there wasn't any of that. No stage, no audience, and no pretending.
Just Nagisa and Kayano, and the closeness the two of them had chosen to share with each other.
