A World Like This [1]

[29]

Edited 1/26/17

We continued on the path to the place called Terminus. They think it's going to be a great place but I decided not to get my hopes up. I constantly am getting my hopes up just to watch them all fall and burn at my feet. Chances are Terminus isn't even around anymore. I guess I've always been the person who thinks on the positive side but it's hard to do that when the world and people continue to disappoint me. I guess when I finally realized that the world was dead, my optimism died along with it. It crashed and burned just like all my childish hopes and dreams. I used to try and keep hope alive, but I don't see any benefits from it any longer.

It's hard to hold on to humanity nowadays. I couldn't even remember how many people I've killed; how many lives I've stolen. I think six but it might be seven or maybe eight... The point is I'm beginning to feel my humanity slip away from me and I can't seem to catch it despite my efforts.

I didn't tell Carl what I did back at that horrific house, I can't. He would tell me that I did it to protect myself, that I did it to safe Rick, that it was okay and possibly even right to kill the man. But it isn't okay, and it definitely isn't right. I killed another living, breathing person. Killing walkers is one thing but it's a completely different story to kill someone to save myself. Killing people is travesty. Despite the cruel world around us, killing people isn't in any way right or justifiable.

They could have been good people. That man, he could have been good. He didn't know who we are so of course he acted upon that. I wish I could take it all back, every life I ever stole. I had my reasons but maybe, in some way, I could have avoided becoming a murderer.

"Hey you okay?" Carl asked me. I looked over at the boy and smiled. I noticed that his hair was beginning to get long, just slightly covering his eyes.

"Never better." I said before lacing my fingers through his. He looked at me and frowned. "What?" I asked him.

"You're lying."

"I am not." I totally was. I'm a wreck right now. We are wandering around looking for a place that could be burned to the ground, we barely have any food, we have nowhere to stay for the night and it will be getting dark in a few short hours, not to mention that I'll I can think about is the man I killed only hours ago.

"Ava what's wrong?" He asked me. I could hear the concern in his voice but not only that, I could see it in his ocean blue eyes.

"Really I'm fine." I rolled my eyes at him even though I knew he was in fact, right. He didn't say anything to me, he just continued staring at me as we walked down the train tracks. I watched as Michonne began walking on the edge of the tracks, trying her hardest to stay up.

"Hey, Carl, Ava, bet you guys a chocolate bar I can stay up the longest." I laughed and so did Carl. Carl let go of my hand and jumped on the other side of the track. I watched as he struggled to keep his balance, after a few seconds the brown-haired boy got the hang of it.

"Come on Ava it's fun." Carl said to me. I laughed and shook my head.

"I'm fine, I'll just watch you two make fools of yourselves." I told them. I walked right in the middle of the two of them. It was amusing to watch them try and stay up.

"No chocolate for you then." Michonne taunted.

"Yeah Ava we won't share the chocolate with you." Carl said.

"Oh, is that supposed to make me want to play?" I asked sarcastically. They both laughed and nodded their heads.

"Winner's choice." Michonne said to Carl.

"I think we've got about a day's worth of water left. We're lucky it's cooled off a little bit, but..." Rick turned around to see Carl and Michonne walking on the tracks, along with me laughing at the two who acted as if there wasn't an apocalypse going on around us. "What are you doing?"

"Winning a bet." Carl told him.

"In your dreams." Michonne taunted.

"They're being crazy." I joked, walking away from them and up to Rick. "All this work for a chocolate bar." I said shaking my head and laughing slightly. Rick laughed at my joke and shook his head along too.

"I'm still on." Carl said to Michonne. Just as he said that he jinxed himself and began wobbling. He almost fell from the track but he quickly regained his balance, refusing to lose this bet.

"You spoke too soon, wise guy." Michonne said to Carl.

"This might go on a while. Maybe we can speed this up." Rick said to them.

"Yeah, you're right. Shouldn't be fooling around. We should probably-- Carl! " She yelled, trying to make him lose focus and fall. Michonne ended up falling before Carl though.

"I win." Carl stated. I began laughing at the two. "Pay up." Carl said to her. Michonne gave Carl an 'I hate you' look and took two Chocolate bars out of her bag. "Is that really the last big cat? Carl asked.

"Oh, come on" Michonne complained as he tried grabbing the Big cat. She wanted him to grab the other one you could tell the way she was hiding the chocolate bar under her hand.

"Hey, but you said winner's choice." Michonne rolled her eyes at Carl.

"Go ahead, take it. It's yours. You won it fair and square." Michonne sounded upset she lost and had to give up her favorite chocolate bar. Carl broke off a piece of chocolate and handed it to Michonne.

"Come on we always share." He said when she wouldn't take it.

"Fork it over." Michonne said to him. Carl broke off another piece and tried handed it to me.

"No thanks, I'm good." I said pushing his hand away.

"Come on, when's the next time you'll have chocolate?" Carl asked. I shrugged my shoulders and stared at the chocolate in his hand.

"I've never had a chocolate bar before so not having it for the rest of my life won't bother me." I told him. Carl, Rick, and Michonne both looked at me with shocked faces. "What?" I asked.

"You've never had a chocolate bar?" Michonne asked.

"No..." I said.

"You have to eat it." Carl said trying to force the gooey candy into my hand.

"Nah I'm good."

"Ava I'm telling you eat it." Carl said. I took the chocolate bar and took a very tiny bite. I instantly fell in love with the taste.

"Oh.My.God. Why did my mom keep me from these things?" I asked before taking another bite. Everyone began laughing. We then continued walking along the train tracks just waiting till we were at Terminus, waiting to be safe. "You know... it's pretty unfair that you did that to me." I spoke. Carl looked over at me, raising one eyebrow in question.

"What did I do?" He asked with a laughed. I smiled and shook my head at him before looking down at the ground.

"Now I'm going to crave chocolate for the rest of my life and I'm just gonna have to deal with it." I spoke seriously, although it was actually a joke. Michonne snorted, Carl laughed, and a smile appeared on Rick's face. I smiled too shaking my head as we continued on in search of our family, in search for a new home and a new beginning.

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