A World Like This [1]

[30]

Edited 1/26/17

We decided to make a camp in the woods. Thank God too, I needed to sit and clear my head. The thoughts rushing through my mind began to slowly drive me mad. Carl had been trying to get me to talk to him, they all have. I'm pretty confident that Rick told them what happened. We sat around a small fire. I completely zoned out, ignoring what the rest were saying, I didn't care. All I want is to wake up and be in my nice warm bed. I guess the prison beds weren't that nice but it was much better than the hard ground.

I wish I could go back there. I left behind a lot of stuff, my locket, Aiden's belongings, but most importantly my memories, my memories of all the good things that happened there. It's crazy to think good things could have happened in a prison but they did, good things happened there all the time.

I met Carl and I don't know what I'd do without him. I met my father for the first time there. I met my best friend Beth, I wish she was here now, I have a million things I want to talk to her about. Good things can still happen nowadays but bad things can too, Aiden and Asher's death, Hershel's demise. Carl's mom died there, so did Judith. I guess I was just blind at the prison. It was perfect, but it was pretty darn close. Despite all the things that went wrong, there were a hell of a lot of things that went right; that's what matters.

People die every day and we have no other choice but to move on, we have no other option. It's fight or die. This world isn't built for the weak anymore, it's meant for the people who can do what necessary to servive. It's just hard to live with myself after the things I did, after the stuff we all did.

Thinking back on my old life made me realize, this life is better than my old one. Before all this I was weak and couldn't even handle a drunk man trying to abuse me. Now, now I've killed people. Now I'm strong. I can defend myself. I should have been able to defend myself back then. I was still young, I was still stupid, but what I wasn't was naïve.

"What about you Ava?" I looked up at Rick and saw him and everyone else staring at me. Their eyes held question, held emotion, something mine lacked.

"What? I'm sorry I was thinking about something." I said looking down.

"Scale from 1 to 10 how hungry are you?" Rick asked. I looked back up at him and shook my head. Hungry? Seriously? I sighed and stood from the ground, I brushed the dirt off my black jeans.

I said nothing before walking away. I wanted to walk far away from them, all I want is a little space but I didn't get too far. I felt someone pull on my arm and I turned around, Carl was standing there, his face unreadable.

"Come on let's eat, we have a little food left." He said. I shook my head at him.

"I'm not in the mood."

"You have to eat." He said to me.

"I said I'm not in the mood." I said snatching my arm from his grasp. I started walking out of our 'camp site'. We had string and cans hanging all around it so it would make noise and alert us if walkers got too close. I ducked under the string and began walking away from the small campsite.

I could hear heavy footsteps approaching me from behind, Carl's, Michonne's, and Rick's. Why couldn't I just be alone for once? I turned around and stared at the three, each stopped in their tracks when I did.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to stay calm.

"Well since you were coming out here we thought we'd check the snares." Rick said to me, his calm demeanor frustrating me. I turned around and went back to walking. I stayed ahead of them, I don't want to talk, I just want to be alone. In this world being alone is dangerous, you're better in numbers. I don't care at this point, I could die tomorrow and It wouldn't matter, everyone dies no matter what.