Dancing with Fire (John Pearce/Justice Crew Fanfic)

Chapter 20

Can I just tell you that today was the worst day ever? Well, you probably know so telling you about it would be a repeat and I don’t want to talk about it.

But I had no other choice but to say it again because Stacy asked for an explanation, and if I don’t give her one, then she would not agree to me when I ask her to skip our workshops for today, even if I bribed to treat her anywhere she wanted to go.

And so I did. And just like Amy, she thought there was something going on between me and Mr. Pearce, and was excited to hear everything. From that first meeting in class, to the workshops, and all the mental conversations we had in class before he blackmailed me to dance for him, which changed things afterwards.

“But imagine if you two end up together, wouldn’t that be romantic, conquering all odds…” she teased, “Illegal love.”

“Are you hanging out with Amy secretly by any chance?”

She laughed. “Did she have the same reaction as I did?” I sighed. “Told you,” she uttered.

Our feet led to a nearby café, chatting about our future and dreaming away. The thought of performing together came into our minds, and smiled for eternity. That idea is great, and we enjoyed every imagination we had while enjoying our goodies, a slice of chocolate cake and a cup of coffee.

“If mum was here, I’m pretty sure she’s proud of us.” She uttered while we reminisced of the way when mum was still here, alive and kicking, albeit being busy at work and business meetings, she and dad seem to be occupied of.

“I’m sure she’s proud of us, watching us now, and both enjoying our lives.” Secretly.

As soon as we were done with our food, we walked home, still enjoying our conversation and laughing at every fail joke we uttered. We fail at making people laugh through jokes, but it was still funny at how weird we are, even funnier seeing the people were looking oddly at us, like we’re an alien from a different planet, catching for air and laughing at the same time.

After a 15-minute walk which seemed like forever, we arrived at home. We noticed a car parked at the driveway, and that could only mean one thing..

Dad is home. He came back after months of being away because of his usual excuse, business trips.

Walking inside the house, we searched for him, and found him at the sitting in the living room, sulking in one corner like he was some killer in a suspense movie, and he’s here to get us all. Remind me not to watch scary movies so much.

“School ended 3 hours ago. Where were you two?” He shouted, walking towards us.

“We just stopped for snacks.” Stacy uttered, her voice sounded scared.

“Nonsense! Stacy, when did you start to disobey me?” She didn’t answer, instead stood closer to me trembling.

“And you! How could you dance again?” Dance. He knew about it. How?

Looking at Stacy, she shook her head and mouthed she didn’t say anything to anyone, which dad caught. “So you knew and didn’t tell me about it?” He yelled at her, so close to slapping her face, but I pushed her back behind me and I got hit hard instead, my face was burning up at how loud and strong that slap was.

How did you know? It’s the main question I wanted to ask but I couldn’t knowing I could get into more trouble.

 “And what’s this?” Dad was holding onto Stacy’s music equipment, which was borrowed from her friend Patricia.

Stacy was about to open her mouth to explain that it was hers, but I interjected. “It’s mine. I used it to make music for dance.”

Hearing my explanation, he crashed the equipment on the ground, stomping his feet on it until it breaks into pieces. Stacy started crying, and shaking behind me. I was too, but I couldn’t show it as I didn’t want Stacy to get more worried than she is now.

“Stacy, get out of the house!” He ordered, pointing at the front door, and waiting for her, but she didn’t move. She was too shock of everything to respond, maybe even having a panic attack, sitting near the front door, hugging her knees, and crying. Dad knew she wouldn’t move, so he dragged me to my bedroom, and locked it.

Running to the edge of the room, near the windows was the only thing I could do when dad had let go of me. Sitting down on the floor, I wished he would turn around and leave, but that’s impossible.

“A little birdy told me that you had plans of pursuing dancing career in the future.” He sang in a scary tone. Pursuing a dance career.

Then it hit me. I remembered when I told Rebecca, Jason’s mum about my plans. She was the only one who knew besides Stacy and Jason, but I doubt it was Jason because I knew he wouldn’t. I trusted him, and I believe Stacy.

I nodded, defeated knowing there’s no other option.

He shouted at me non-stop, telling me how much he regretted I was his daughter, that I should have been the one who got killed. Not minding if his words hurt me emotionally, he continued to spat at me. Using all his energy, he pulled me up and then swung a hand at me hard enough to fall back on the solid hardwood floor, hurting me inside and out, how I was a disgrace to this family. He said I didn’t care about mum dying, and thought of only myself, and how angry he was that I brainwashed Stacy when he was out of the country. I was always the wrong one, even if I didn’t do anything.

I know in my heart I didn’t do anything. An accident that I have no control of, but why am I punished for it? Is it bad to dream? Is it bad to continue something that would make me happy?

I accepted everything he thrown at me as there’s no chance in winning. If I fought with him, I would get into more trouble, and I didn’t want him to drag my sister into this. In my heart, I deserve this. I deserve it than Stacy. I promised I would do anything to protect her.

All he wanted to do was hurt me physically and emotionally ever since mum died. To him, it was all my fault why mum isn’t here anymore. He blamed me for everything, even now that it has been 8 years and still pointed the accusation on me. He convinced Rachel that I killed her and she has to disown me as her big sister if she wanted dad to love her, and she bought the story I have not heard, without hearing my side, she denied my existence as part of the family. In her eyes, I was a murderer.

Since then, Rachel has been distant to me, working as a spy when dad isn’t home. It’s funny how she’s younger, and I was afraid of what she would tell dad whenever he comes from business work, but I learned that I wasn’t the only one who was scared of her. Stacy did too.

Dad never let go of the past. It’s not that I don’t think about mum anymore, because you’re wrong. Every single day, she has been on my mind, and always in my heart. But we’re living in the present, and as much as it hurts, we have to let go and move on, but my thoughts always comes back and haunts me.

I am the reason why this family broke up into pieces.

I am the reason why darkness had come into the house and swept every happiness and precious moments away.

I am the reason why we, Stacy, Rachel, dad, and I, have died inside.

I am the reason why dad changed.

I am the reason for our mother's death.