Dancing with Fire (John Pearce/Justice Crew Fanfic)

Chapter 21

Have you ever experienced waking up and feeling numb? Have you ever wished you could bring back the past and make things better? Have you ever thought of lying in a hospital bed and waited for people to come because you wanted to know if you’re special to them?

My answer is yes to every question.

Waking up today feeling numb from all the pain I have gotten from dad last night was the least thing I had expected to happen anytime soon, or even my whole life. Thinking this would only happen in the movies, I wasn’t aware that dad had the courage to do this to me, his own daughter, but I guess things really changed a lot this time. Well, apparently he isn’t in his right mind. This dad is a monster.

I hadn’t realized that I slept on the ground all night. I don’t remember dad leaving my room, but I do remember the countless kicks, slaps, and swings he thrown at me, and worse I’m keeping a souvenir from all the beatings.

Standing in front of the mirror, I saw my body was covered with purple markings, bruises. My bottom lip has dried blood from the wound I had gotten on the corner right. I was limping, unable to carry myself, and walk normally. Why did I survive?

If I could only bring the time back, September 14, 2005, I would have done it differently if I knew that my mum would die that day, I could have save her. But I don’t have the power to come back and fix things. That thing is impossible.

If I could change things, I wanted to be that girl who would be lying in that hospital bed. I wanted to know if my dad would come, or if he had acted differently. I wanted to know what he would say if it was me who was there. I wanted to know how he would live his life in the future if I was the one who died. Would I be special to him? Would he cry for me? Would he act this way?

I had a choice whether to stay here or go to school. If I was in the right mind, I’d stay home to avoid gossips in school, but knowing he might come back, I decided it was safer to go to school. I knew if he saw me again, he would add some more to what he already has done. I’m more scared right now. This was the first time he did this to me. The worst thing he ever did to me before was slap me hard, and that was ages ago.

While I was preparing for school, I heard a knock on the door. I froze, and crawled my way near the wall, hugging my knees tightly, thinking he would come back for another round of treats, mostly on his side.

“Kayla… it’s me, Stacy. Can I come in?” She asked. I tried to answer but there was no sound.

She must have been so worried as she pushed the door hard when I didn’t respond, and searched for me. “Oh my god!” She uttered, her hand was covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry!” Crying her heart out, looking at me with pleading eyes.

“Kayla, I didn’t tell him. I swear. You have to believe me.” She hugged me and we stayed in that position, and cried.

“I believe you.” I uttered.

“Then who do you think told him? Do you think Rachel might have seen us at the center or something?” She was confused. I forgot to mention that I had this talk with Jason and his mum about it.

“No. It was Jason’s mother I think.” No, I was actually sure of it. Jason knows that dad slapped me twice before. The first time when mum was pronounced dead, and I guess that was his initial reaction, and the second one, when I thought that it would be okay to continue my ballet lessons, but he didn’t like it. It was also the day when he ordered us to refrain from activities that will make us happy, and he said that he didn’t like having so much lights turned on around the house. “Is he gone?”

“Yes, he is. He left last night. I’m sorry, I’m disappointed with myself. I didn’t help you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Did he hurt you?” I was scared he might have done something to Stacy.

She nodded, pointed at her right cheek; a shape of a hand was visible. “Then he left, angrily.”

Silence has crept in for about a few minutes, just staring at each other. Thinking of what to do, but my mind is too lazy to work.

“I’m sorry about your equipment. Tell Patricia I’ll pay for it.”

“Why did you tell him it was yours?” She looked at me and waited for answers.

“You’re my sister. I’ll do anything to protect you. I won’t allow him to hurt you. I won’t forgive myself.”

We were both scared for our lives, knowing dad was in town and the moment he sees us at home, especially me, I knew I would get more beatings. We then decided to leave and go to school. To me, it was safer, and I have friends around to protect us.

Stacy helped me with my makeup, to cover each bruise temporarily, as I did hers when she was done with me. Both fully covered with clothing, wearing a hoodie on top of our school uniform, and knee high socks. Thank god for our long hair as it served as covering for our face.

Being late for class was a good thing, so then I wouldn’t need to face my friends at our usual spot. I wasn’t ready to show myself to everyone, I had planned to hide during breaks and hopefully Lenny would give me a pass to not dance with them for gym so I don’t have to change into gym clothes.

Luckily, I didn’t have friends in my morning classes, and I have gone missing during breaks. Amy even texted me if I was in school because I haven’t showed my presence to anyone, until now.

The bell has rung 5 minutes ago which means English class has started. I’m pretty sure Mr. Pearce was checking the attendance right now. I waited for 5 more minutes before going in. Still wearing my hoodie, I looked down on my way to my seat, not glancing up, or even sideways to look at my friends, keeping myself busy in my own world.

Didn’t even realize Mr. Pearce had called my attention, asking me a question from the lecture we were discussing until I felt Amy poking me to the sides, which caused slight tingles around my rib area. I stood up and asked what the question was again, still had my gaze on the floor, fiddling with my fingers at the bottom of my hoodie. Luck was still on my side when he didn’t bother if I wasn’t looking at him. Honestly, I have no idea what they were talking about; nothing has stayed in my mind. I shook my head signaling I didn’t know the answer and sat down.

“Are you okay?” Amy whispered to which I nodded, to stop her from questioning me further. She did, maybe she thought I was having the time of my month, and didn’t want to be bothered at the moment.

During the whole lesson, I looked down, emotionless. I even heard my friends whispering what was wrong with me, it was loud enough to be heard, but I paid no attention to them fully.

The bell rang and I slowly gathered my things. Slow enough that my friends would leave me behind and tell me to follow them somewhere as not to be late for the next class. Nodded, though I didn’t really took note of anything Amy, or Jason have said. Since this morning, I have always waited for everyone to go before leaving, because I didn’t want them to see me in this state, and be bombarded with questions I couldn’t keep up with.

As some people have left, I stood up like a zombie, my head down gazing at the tiles, counting in my head when’s the right time to leave. If this was a horror story, people would probably be scared of me thinking I was the killer, and I’m about to murder them all.

When I started to move out, the minute I reached the door, Mr. Pearce called me. “Kayla, please stay behind.” Shoot. I’m dead.