For You // R.G.

Chapter 10

I walked down the hall and saw numerous group members walk in and out and down the hallway. I would never admit it but I was looking for Rick. I didn't know why I was, maybe just to look at his stupid cute face.
I walked into zone 5, I saw Jenner sitting in a chair and Rick sitting on the ground. He had a bottle of wine in his hand, they both looked at me when I walked in. I could tell that they were having a conversation. I froze, I felt out of place
"Oh, I'm sorry-did I interrupt?" I say awkwardly. Jenner shook his head almost violently, he got up from his chair and walked over to me, he smiled
"Hey, yeah, can you take him, he's... He's very..." He whispered then looked back at Rick who was sipping the wine. He looked back at me, he wanted me to take Rick to his room. I laughed lightly and nodded
"Yeah, I can."
"Thanks, he's just..."
"Very drunk." I finish. He smiled and nodded, he moved to the side. I walked over to Rick.
He looked up at me with a solemn expression, I immediately regretted my decision. I didn't even know why I was doing this-why did I think that finding him could possibly have a good outcome? Why did I not even think of where we stood with each other?
I now was standing in front of Rick, he sipped his wine. He hadn't said anything or even looked at me.
"What do you want?" He asked, his tone was distasteful, it stabbed me like a bunch of daggers. I knew from that moment on, that I wanted to be on ricks good side. I wasn't scared of him but I was scared of being someone he didn't care about-or didn't like. I couldn't shove the known fact out of my head, that I liked Rick Grimes.
Rick snapped me out of my deep thoughts by trying to get up from the ground. He was holding the computers to try and get up
"Rick-"
His wine bottle dropped on the ground, luckily it didn't break. I hooked my arm behind his back and underneath his arm to hold him up. He struggled but he managed
"I... I don't want your.. Your help." He slurred. He almost brought us both down while walking out of zone 5 but I kept us up.
"Well, looks like I'm the only one who had you on my mind." I murmur.
"What?" He asked
"Nothing." I say, hoping that he didn't hear that. Even though I wished he would realize I was the one helping him, I was the one that was thinking about him. Opposed from his own wife.
I walked him down to his room and knocked on the door first, there was no response so I opened it. No one was inside, I led him to the couch, he flopped on to it.
"Night." I say, I was ready to go back to my room and throw a pity party for myself when he surprised me.
"Wait."
I paused, I looked back at him. He was sitting upright on the couch. He looked at me
"I want to talk." He slurred. I paused,
"Close the... The door."
I closed the door hesitantly. My heart rate was going through the roof. I tried to act as calm as possible. Once I sat down in a chair across from him, he started to talk
"I... I know you hate me because I wouldn't let you go with us in... in..Atlanta.."
He paused, looking at me. I looked back, terrified and yet begging for more. He licked his lips
"It's because I don't want anything bad happening to you."
That part sounded as if he wasn't drunk at all. I looked up at him, I was second guessing myself, thinking he wasn't drunk at all because of how clear that sounded. But he quickly confirmed that he was wasted when he began to vomit. I sighed and went to the bathroom to get a trash can. I brought it to him, he took it from me and puked some more. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there. And in that moment I finally fully comprehended what he said.
He cares about me.
I felt my eyes sting and my heart throb from the relief and the growing empathy towards him. I finally dropped all my accusations that he hated me, and to top it off, my crush on him grew a thousand times bigger. Even as I witnessed him vomit into a garbage can, I still adored him. Even if he didn't back.
Rick laid down on the couch after his vomiting episode.
"Can... Can you do one thing for me?" He asked
I paused, waiting for him to finish
"Can you help me fix a bed for Lori?"
I felt as if I was smacked in the face. I felt the smile on my face turn to a straight, dead expression.
He of course didn't know that I disliked Lori so he was already up and stumbling around making her bed. I finally helped him, he collapsed on to the one side,
"Thank you, max." He said. I smiled, I threw him a blanket, he gladly took it. As he settled into bed, I grew more and more envious of Lori. I finally made myself turn around and leave. But I stopped myself and finally said what I wanted to say since he said he cared about me.
"And by the way, I don't hate you." I assumed he was asleep, I turned the lights off and walked out of the room.
..
As I walked down the hall, I heard some commotion in the arcade room. I walked up to the door that was cracked open just a little and peeked in.
"- I even put my ear on his chest and I listened for a heartbeat and I did not hear one. And I-I-I-I- don't know why. Maybe it was gunfire. I don't know what it was, but there was no way he could've survived that. No way."
"He did."
"Yeah, but then I had y'all to think about, didn't I? I had you and Carl, and I needed to think about-"
"Okay. No, no-"
"I had to get you guys safe to Atlanta. That's what I had to do. Just stop. If you thought for one second that he was still alive, would you have come? So I saved your life-" I could hear what he said after that,
"I love you-"
Lori started to say something but it was inaudible
"Shane- Shane- stop! Get your hands off me- get your hands off me!" I heard Lori yell
"I love you-" I hear Shane say again
"Please! No!" Lori begged. Shane then yelled, I then opened the door. Shane was standing by the door, he looks at me then back at Lori. Lori looked terrified that I was here. Shane left the room. Lori started to cry.
..
Morning--
"Morning." I looked up to see Rick walk in. He looked terrible
"Are you hungover? Mom said you'd be." Carl asked
Rick sat down
"Mom is right." Rick said smiling, I rolled my eyes. I was tempted to get a glass of wine
"Mom has that annoying habit." Lori mumbled. I was about to stab someone in the neck with a fork.
"Eggs. Powdered, but- but I do 'em good." T said now coming to the table and giving us a small ration of eggs. I thanked him
Glenn moaned. Sena laid against my shoulder, beaten from her hangover. Turns out she was chugging liquor while I was taking care of Rick last night.
"Protein helps the hangover." T said to Glenn and Sena. I smiled at Sena
"Ugh, thanks T." Sena said
"Where'd all this come from?" Rick asked
"Jenner." I answered shortly. He looked at me, confused from my attitude
"Could you help me, please?" Rick asked Lori, handing her a bottle of pills
"He thought we could use it." Lori said
"Don't ever ever ever me me drink again." Glenn moaned
"Hey." I hear. Shane walked up to us. I saw the bright red marks on his neck then looked away. Yeah, I could use that glass of wine right about now.
"Feel as bad as I do?" Rick asked Shane as he went to the buffet.
"Worse." Shane replied. I looked at Lori, she bowed her head in shame. I didn't feel one ounce of pity for her.
"What the hell happened to you?" T asked Shane as Shane walked to the table. "Your neck."
"Must've done it in my sleep." Shane said lamely. Rick looked at Shane in suspicion. I looked at Shane, he glanced at me.
"Never seen you do that before." Rick said
"Me neither. Not like me at all" Shane said. He looked at Lori, Lori looked ups
"Morning." Jenner said, walking up to the table
"Hey, doc-"
"Hey-"
"Doctor, I don't mean to slam you with questions first thing-" dale started to say
"But you will anyway."
"We didn't come here for the eggs." Andrea said. Everyone was silent.
..
He led us to the big room again
"Give me playback of TS-19." Jenner ordered
"Playback of TS-19." Vi repeated. There was a screen in the front of the room, it had a loading bar on.
"Few people ever got the chance to see this. Very few." Jenner stated. The screen showed a persons head,
"Is that a brain?" Carl asked
"An extraordinary one. Not that it matters in the end. Take us in for the E.I.V..."
"Enhanced internal view." Vi specified. We all looked at the screen, the brain was lighted up, it viewed in closer, then showing little lights that lit up.
"What are those lights?" Shane asked
"It's a persons life- experiences, memories. It everything. Somewhere in all that organic wiring, all those ripples of light, is you- the thing that makes you unique. And human." Jenner explained
"You don't make sense ever?" Daryl asked
"Those are synapses, electric impulses in the brain that carry all the messages. They determine everything a person says, does, or thinks from the moment of birth to the moment of death." Jenner further explained
"Death? That's what this is, a vigil?" Rick asked walking up
"Yes. Or rather the playback of the vigil." Jenner answered
"This person died? Who?" Andrea asked
"Test subject 19. Someone who was bitten and infected.. And volunteered to have us record the process." He paused, "vi, scan forward to the first event." He ordered
"Scanning to first event." Vi repeated
The screen then showed the brain becoming darker by the brain stem
"What is that?" I asked
"It invades the brain like meningitis. The adrenal glands hemorrhage, the brain goes into shutdown, then the major organs."
The brain went completely black
"Then death. Everything you ever were or ever will be.. Gone." Jenner said
"Is that what happened to Jim?" Sophia asked carol.
"Yes." Carol said shortly
Andrea started to cry
"She just lost somebody... Her sister." Lori said. Jenner looked at Andrea then walked over to her
"I lost somebody too. I know how devastating it is...." He paused, "scan to the second event." He ordered
"Scanning to second event."
"The resurrection times vary wildly. We had reports if it happening as little as three minutes. The longest we heard of was eight hours. In the case of this patient, it was two hours, one minute... Seven seconds."
The brainstem began to fill with red light
"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked
"No, just the brainstorm. Basically, it gets them up and moving." Jenner explained
"But they're not alive?" Rick asked
"You tell me." Jenner said to Rick. They all looked at it in awe.
"It's nothing like before. Most of that brain is dark."
"Dark, lifeless, dead. The frontal love, the neocortex, the human part-"
"It doesn't come back..." I mutter to myself. I watched the brain on the screen. "You're gone, you're just an animal." I say
Jenner looked at me
"You a doctor?" He asked
I shook my head
"No, I was going to be one..." I say. He nods and looked away. We all returned to the screen, the person was shot in the head.
"God, what was that?" Carol asked
"He shot his patient in the head. Didn't you?" Andrea asked.
Jenner didn't answer
"Vi, power down the main screen and the workstations." Jenner ordered now walking away
"Powering down main screen and workstations."
"You have no idea what it is, do you?" Sena asked
"It could be microbial, viral, parasitic, fungal."
"Or the wrath of god?" Jaqui asked
"There is that." Jenner said
"Somebody must know something, somebody, somewhere." Andrea said
"There are others, right? Other facilities?" Carol asked
"What about Europe? And Asia-" I say
"There may be some. People like me."
"You don't know? How can you not know?" Rick asked frustratedly
"Everything went down. Communications- directives- all of it. I've been in the dark for almost a month." Jenner said
"So it's not just here. There's nothing left anywhere? Nothing? That's what you're really saying, right?" Andrea asked
Jenner didn't answer, Rick looked down and Andrea huffed. I rubbed my face.
"Man, I'm gonna get shit faced drink, again." Daryl said
"Dr. Jenner, I know this has been taxing for you and I hate to ask one more question, but..." Dale walked towards the big clock. "That clock- it's counting down. What happens at zero?" Dale asked. The clock read 59 minutes.
"The basement generators- they run out of fuel." Jenner said shortly. I felt a little on edge from how he said that.
"And then?" Rick asked. Jenner didn't answer
"Vi, what happens when the power runs out?" Rick asked
"When the power runs out, facility-wide decontamination will occur." Vi answered
"What the hell.." Sena mumbled
Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Shane, and T all left the room. We all stayed in the big room.
"Max, what is gonna happen?" Jamie asked with big doe eyes. I looked at Sena for help, she shrugged
"Uh, I'm not sure yet." I say. She holds my hand