Effie || Cake

Clouded Minds

Calum

oh god what have i done?

this isn't me, why did i let it go that far?

i hate myself, i did the one that i wouldn't done to anyone, cheated. i know from personal experience that it fucking hurts, it makes you feel like absolute shit and like you are not worth anything and like you never will.

as i sit on the plane back to London with Dan by my side i can't help but feel like a horrible person and like a horrible boyfriend, i cheated on him but i just couldn't control myself. i tried but i really couldn't. i couldn't even look at him without feeling like complete shit and i can tell he feels like there is something going on with me.

'are you okay, you look a little tense.' he asked breaking my inner thoughts and i looked up at him sadly.

'yeah, just tired, flying really takes a lot out of me.' i lied and he just nodded and held my hands in his as he looked out the window.

i don't deserve him, i don't deserve anyone. i really do love Dan don't get me wrong, we've been together since i cam to London, he really helped me though these years but it's just, ugh it's Luke and his stupid cute face. of course i was still in love with him i mean how could you not be, it'd be hard not to fall in love with him. i just i don't know, i cam to London for a new start and to just get away from everyone and everything. and i accomplished that but then when i went back i was flooded with all these old memories and old feelings that i tried to push away but as soon as i saw him they came right back and ten times stronger.

after what felt like the longest plane ride ever we had landed in London and Dan and i got out and grabbed our bags and luggage and headed home. the car ride was silent all the way there and i could tell that he wanted to say something or ask what was wrong but he didn't and i was grateful for that. as we arrived home it was late and i was so tired but i needed to talk with Melanie.

'well i'm beat, let's go to bed.' Dan said as we placed our bags upstairs and in our room.

'okay, i'll met in bed my mom just wanted me to call her when we landed.' i lied and he just nodded and gave me a kiss on my cheek and got ready for bed. i snuck out of the room and walked downstairs and called Melanie.

'hello.' she said as she answered.

'Mel i'm freaking out.' i said nervously.

'why?' she asked.

'well, so you know how i went to go say bye to Luke before i left back to London?' i asked casually.

'yes.' she said.

'so we kinda ended up having sex on his couch.' i said in a whisper.

'WHAT!?' she screamed on the other end making me tilt the phone awya from my ear.

'you heard me.' i said not wanting to repeat it.

'oh my god, oh my god. okay so like tell me everything, how was it getting fucked in the ass again? did you miss his dick? omg please tell me you swallowed.' she went on and on.

'Mel, i think you are missing the point of this call.' i said annoyed.

'i don't think so.' she said.

'okay well first of all it felt amazing to get fucked but Mel, i cheated on Dan.' i said in a whisper afraid he'd hear.

'and your point is what exactly?' she asked not getting it still.

'i feel horrible, and i know what it feels like to be cheated and let me tell you it does not feel good.' i said as i took a seat on the chair in the dark.