Dearest, Heartbreaker.

|| eight letter ||

Dearest,

Heartbreaker.

wow, you actually looked at me today.

I realize how stupid that must sound,

but you did.

your eyes analyzed the side of my face

and I got nervous, maybe you couldn't see it

but I was a nervous wreck,

I wanted to scream out 'can I freaking help you?'

but I realized how harsh it sounded

so I held it back in, afraid you would recognize that

the aggressions from these letters came from

the person you were staring at.

ugh, I have always hated your stare.

even when we had sex I hated it,

I hate being the center of your attention,

because when something catches your eye

you tend to stare at it and analyze it,

every single little detail and I hate it.

you make me feel uncomfortable,

yet I can't live without your stare.

I want you to stare at me, a LOT.

I want to hear you sing stupid pop songs,

I want to have a conversation with you.

I want to know what makes you happy

and what makes you sad.

I want to know your favorite places

I want you to endlessly talk about something you like,

I want to hear your deep raspy voice.

I want to kiss every inch of your body

and I want you to shag me like there's no tomorrow,

because god knows, I miss you.

how weird right?

you where never mine,

therefore, I never lost you.

therefore, I can't miss you.

how can someone love a person so much

when the person doesn't even know you exist?

why do I feel like this? I hate it.

I hate loving you.

I would rather shoot myself in the head

and resuscitate me just to do it all over again

than to ever love you.

I don't even know you, for fucks sake.

you could be a psychopath and I would have no idea.

why did you have to look at me Ryder, why?

I know you where walking beside Tania and Ana

when Tania said I looked good,

but you didn't have to actually look at me.

I just laughed, what else could've done?

I didn't talk to her afraid I would say something stupid

or even worse, you would recognize my voice.

I highly doubt it though,

we are together in almost all periods.

but you're too damm oblivious and self absorbed.

Also, I have to ask because I'm curious like that,

why do you always get in trouble with teachers?

does it just happen or is it a scheme to maintain your reputation?

tricky question, huh?

-me

(P. S I didn't want to write another letter talking about you and Natalie so a simple note will do. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR 'RELATIONSHIP' WITH HER. NOBODY. CARES. Truth be told, we are all just waiting for you two to break up, it's gonna happen and it's inevitable.
Oh no, what a shame...)