Dearest, Heartbreaker.

|| tenth letter ||

Dearest,

Heartbreaker.

Can I fucking punch you know?

please, just let me punch you,

it'll do me some good and

I would feel so much better.

perhaps, I'll even move on from you then.

I'm not one to normally cuss, believe me.

but, holy fücking shït do I

fücking hate you so fücking much,

you fücking cunt.

I bet you have that smirk

that I hate so much

as you're reading this.

I talked to you, okay.

And I mean I had

a conversation face to face

with a guy that I have a crush

on, which is the same guy

that I have been writing letters to, constantly.

I told my friend Ana to

introduce us and she did

and you want to know what she did?

She left us alone.

Alone.

And then the awkward silence kicked in

and I asked about a concert

I knew you had attended to

and you said it was fun

and then once again the

awkward silence came.

I remember looking at the ground,

and at different people walking by.

And it's all very very ironic because for ages

I've been staring at you.

And I really mean this in the non-creepy way.

But when you finally talked to me,

I couldn't look at you.

I had these weird Ray bans on
that made me

look like a total douche and

my hair was in a ponytail,

I was so not ready to talk to you.

They say, Ryder,

that when you meet a person

for the very first time

you look into their eyes to

figure them out.

But you couldn't see mine

because of my glasses,

so how where you supposed

to recognize me anyways?

It really didn't surprise me

when you said you've never

seen me before.

As if, you didn't notice other people.

As if you where just so self

obsessed with yourself that every one else

could suck it because you only mattered.

No one else was important to you.

They didn't deserve your attention.

That's how I understood you.

And yes, my heart did fall in my chest.

Yes, it felt like it broke into a million pieces.

But no, I was not surprised at all.

When Ana said you thought

I didn't like you I wanted to laugh.

To scream to you.

I thought it had to be a joke you where playing,

but you where completely serious.

See, Ryder, that drew the line for me.

The feeling that I got of

happiness lasted for a week

and then it vanished.

I've never smiled that much

in forever and it was stupid

that only a conversation with you

could bring me this much joy,

but I'm over it now.

And I just want to say

you're an asshole.

-me

(P.S you might want to learn my name because I do have one, you pretentious fücker.)