Dearest, Heartbreaker.

|| ninth letter ||

Dearest,

Heartbreaker.

Congratu- fucking- lations!

I didn't think it was possible

for you to continue breaking my heart,

into tiny useless diminutive pieces,

but hey! I found out today you can,

and you did.

im sure you don't mean to,

you don't even know me or recognize me...

so it's very unlikely you're doing this

out of pure evilness just

because you know you can break my heart.

or maybe you do know and

you're doing this out of pure

evilness, who knows.

you probably don't want to know how you broke it more

or when and where

but im going to tell you anyways,

so your opinion doesn't really matter at all.

in lunch I accidentally sat near you,

- and I do mean accidentally in

every sense of the word-

my friends decided they wanted that table

and I wasn't going to protest

because for that I would need

a reason and you, Ryder,

you were the reason.

we overheard you talking to your friends,

you said Natalie was a good shag.

you said she was the best shag you've ever had,

you also said she moaned

in a ridiculous high pitch voice,

but I didn't care to laugh at that,

I was too wounded, too hurt.

I clutched my freaking

CapriSun so hard it squirted everywhere,

landing on your friend that

was passing by,

of course you didn't notice,

you were too caught up

in telling the guys a very

detailed story of how her boobs jiggled

when she tried to tease you.

I heard that too in the midst

of my freaking out about the

guy's shirt I just ruined,

luckily he was really nice and

even cracked a joke on how

my face looked when I freaked out.

to say the least,

he was really sweet and funny.

but he just wasn't you.

he even asked me for my

phone number and

I gave it to him,

I had to remind myself that

I had nothing to loose anymore.

I bet you're wondering about

Marcus and I,

or maybe you're not but

like I said...

I don't care, fückboy.

in the week where

I didn't write to you,

he broke up with me.

more like I broke up with him

but I'm sure if anybody asks

it'll be the other way around

and I'm okay because he needs

his pride more than I need

mine anyway.

turns out he liked another girl

and he was using me

just to get over her,

isn't that fücking ironic, Ryder?

I don't know if

you actually read these

or if you just throw them out

now that I asked you to stop replying

but I feel like

I'm not really writing to you.

sure, I might mention

your name and

make rhetorical questions towards you,

but it's all for my benefit really.

its as if these hand written

letters will help me get

over you,

and if these don't work,

I always have Tyler.

although I really think

I like him.

we'll see, I guess.

maybe he's my Romeo

and maybe this time

it really is meant to be.

-me

( P. S I've got nothing else to tell you horse Ryder. tonight's not the nigh, but fret not, my dear. it's only until further information. )