Dearest, Heartbreaker.

||twentieth letter||

Dearest,

Ryder.

I saw Ana today.

She didn't look very happy,

in fact she was throwing daggers

with her eyes at me in lunch.

She normally had soft blue eyes

around me but now they were cold.

They reminded me of yours

last time I saw you.

I tried to talk to her but

when I got near her and asked about you

she told me and I quote

"You've done enough already,

just leave him alone."

And she just walked off like that.

Tanya stayed behind though

and when she noticed

I was on the verge of crying

she said "Just give it some time."

As if this was a matter

that passed over time.

She looked at me with pity

and I hated it.

I hated her.

I hated Ana.

I hated Tyler.

I hated myself.

I couldn't help but stare

at the lemon heads Ana had at lunch.

They were the ones you bought for me.

God, I wish I were some sort of wizard

so I could just go back in time

and stop all of that from happening.

Maybe if I had that clock that Hermione

has in the Harry Potter movie.

I doubt she would give it to me though,

maybe she'll also judge me

when I tell her why I need it.

But Ryder, I haven't seen you since that day.

You haven't been to school and

I can't help but blame myself for all of this.

I was planning on asking Ana

for your address

so I could go to your house

and explain in person but

now that she's not talking to me anymore

I don't think that's a very good idea.

I miss you.

So much.

I'm alone, now.

And I didn't mind being alone,

I didn't care about what people thought

but now I do.

Because since that happened

people at school have been staring.

And I'm pretty sure it is because Tyler

ran his mouth about what happened

and I don't doubt that he told

his own made up lies

about how he punched you too

and that that's why

you're absent from school.

I just wish you could be here with me.

To tell them all to

go mind their own business.

To prove them all wrong.

I'm just so sorry, Ryder.

Please, come back.

Please, come back to me.

-me.