Dearest, Heartbreaker.

||nineteenth letter back||

Dearest,

Heartbreaker.

Huh, maybe I should start

calling you like that?

After all, you broke my heart, no?

I swear I'm trying really hard

to not cuss in this letter.

Fuck, this isn't even considered

my nineteenth letter to you,

this is more like my twenty-first.

I wrote like two other letters

trying to tell you how I feel,

what I felt,

and what I want to say,

but I'm afraid that those two

other letters weren't even coherent thoughts.

They were all just cussed words,

along with some hurtful shit.

Towards you.

You see Violet,

I don't want to be a dick or anything

but I pretty much hate you,

ALOT right now.

Hell, I can't even look

at you from afar anymore.

Every time I look at your eyes

I'm just reminded of that day.

Which is ironic because I used to think

they were the most beautiful eyes

I have ever seen in my life.

I mean, for Gods sake!

I used to feel like pissing myself

just out of pure nerves.

But now I just feel dizzy and confused.

And I don't think it's worth it.

I don't think you're worth it.

Liking you was one of the

hardest shit I've ever had to do.

Nevermind,

learning the chords of a song on the guitar.

That was easy compared to liking you.

I mean, liking you was like

being scared of the dark

as you're in a dark room

and not knowing which button

on the wall turned on the lights.

And now I'm just done guessing

which button works

and which one doesn't.

I'm just trying to say

that I'm done with you.

And that's alright.

Sure, it sucks because

I actually really liked you.

And I mean that in the

"she's gorgeous and smart

and just an amazing human being

and I don't care two shits

if I don't have sex with her,

hell I just want to talk to her!" kind of way.

But now I'm over it.

And I suggest you do the same.

God knows Tyler is waiting.

Also, remind him for me that

if he ever says shit about me again,

I'll fuck him up real good and

without a single sense of remorse.

Hell, tell him that if he

ever comes near me again

I'll kill the fucking bastard.

Before I forget,

just to clear the air....

I'm not having sex

with Natalie again.

But if I were,

that would no longer

be any of your business.

-Ryder.

(P.S also, say hi to Kyle for me- oh wait no...I already did in lunch, didn't I?)