Finding you within me

Chapter 10

Lydia:

Great it's my first day back at school with the new teacher and I'm late, what a good first impression I'm going to make. I sprint up the stairs taking them  two at a time. My alarm clock forgot to wake me up again which I mean I forgot to set it the night before.

I take a quick look in the window opposite to me, to make sure I look at least a little bit cute. Just because I don't want to date boys doesn't mean I don't want them to think I'm pretty, or that I'm good enough.

I put my hand to the handle the coldness hits me.  It wasn't too late I could go back home and not be in pain but when I'm at home he comes into my mind more.

I look outside at the rain, walking through that would be horrible. What's the worst that could happen? I ignore Ryan all form time and don't speak to him again. Maybe the odd can I borrow a pencil or look at the weather but nothing else.

I don't know why but being with Ryan causes me pain. It like I'm getting stabbed in my heart, but my hearts already got wounded. He brings back the pain I tried so hard to forget.

I didn't hurt losing my ex, but it hurt losing me.

And here I go this was a new start for me I was going to find myself again but I can't do that when I have the constant reminder of what happen of reality. And I've tried so hard to move on but his world moves so fast and mine hasn't even had the time to move before he crashed everything I knew everything I thought was gone. I've spent months trying to forget and I finally put the feeling I had behind me but I can't move on until Ryan's gone too cause When Ryan's here he's a reminder.

At the same time I can't just walk out when it gets hard, I have to try. It's not like I love Ryan so why would it cause me any problems. Why do I feel so frustrated when I think of him.

I push down on the handle letting myself in. The was a guy in my seat I can't see his face but he has blond hair. He must be new.

I walk over to him, Ryan's face looks surprised I don't blame him I have been in for ages.

'Excuse me, umm this is my seat.' The blond hair guy turn around, it all comes back to me pictures of us together. I should of known that would of happened when I saw him but I never thought I would. It all comes back the hurt and pain the wanting to cry. It all comes back but the joy and love but I don't think I will get those back. I don't think I can feel like that again.

I open my mouth but I get caught up in his deep blue eyes just like I used to.

'Hey Lydia,' his lushes lips wanting me to kiss him.

' can you get out my seat?' My voice is filled with uncertain and anger.

Is this real?
Is he here?
Why come back after all this time?

'Will you agree to let me talk to you?' All I want to do is hold him tight and never let go.

'No' it is almost funny how would think I would even give him a chance not after he broke me.

'Please you said I was your beginning.'

'You was you gave me everything I thought love wasn't, you was the only person who could get me to forgive love for hurting and tearing people up. But you showed me that love can kill a person. You was my beginning again, you was the person who took the pain that I suffered from home and you took it away. But then you left and my life fell apart. And you came back and I was so desperate that I took you without a second thought. Then you cheated and showed me what I thought was right love never lasts but I stayed. Ha was I an idiot cause I stayed until everything I had was gone all my hope all my faith and all my dreams till I couldn't take it anymore. But it was too late cause I wasn't the same.'