Sway

Chapter 36

The party was actually a breakthrough for us. We didn't exactly resolve anything, but we had at least talked without fighting. And we didn't ignore what is really causing all of our fighting.

We were both still standing on the balcony staring out at the city of London. This view was breathtaking. Sarah is really one lucky girl she has this everyday. Being outside with him right now made all of the difference. As I kept stealing glances at Aaron I could feel everything getting clearer. Looking at where I am in my life. I am not my mum or my dad. I am my own person. If I wouldn't be open to the idea of marriage someday I would spend the rest of my life alone. Yes divorce means being alone and broken.

What I realize is that this is Aaron I'm talking about. Aaron Ramsey. The guy who fought Eden Hazard over me in front of millions. The guy who never gave up despite my best efforts of pushing him away. I can tell he has given up, but it's my turn to fight for him. I was stupid and something stupid. It was just a spur of the moment thought where I was determined that I didn't want to get married. Seeing how badly it hurt Aaron when I told him that killed me. Maybe I could marry him. Definitely not now, but in the future.

"We should go." Aaron finally said breaking the long silence between us. I nodded and we walked back inside of the party.

We got into his car and made our way back to the apartment. I wanted so badly to say something to him, but I couldn't find the right words to say. I kept opening my mouth to say something, but nothing was coming out.

We got back to the apartment and I was so mad at myself for not being able to say anything to him. Aaron went to his room and I turned to go to my mine.

I changed out of my dress into a t-shirt and shorts. I started to wash my face and I looked up into the mirror. I remembered looking at myself in the mirror the day that I realized I loved Aaron and that I was going to break up with Eden. I hated the person I saw staring back at me. Once again I don't like what I see. Enough is enough.

I ran out of the bathroom and down the hall. I stopped at Aaron's door. I held my hand up to knock on his door, but paused for a moment pulling myself together making sure I wanted to do this. I took a deep breath then knocked."Aaron."

"Ya." I opened the door slowly. His lights were out and he was laying on his bed.

"You weren't sleeping were you?" I asked him.

"No." He said sitting up. I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Aaron I'm so sorry. I really am. I really shouldn't have said that I never wanted to get married. It's just with all of parents marriages crumbling it just terrified me because I know that if I ever got divorced it would kill me. But it's so early into our relationship to think about marriage yet I guess. I should have said something earlier instead of letting this drag out and arguing all of the time. I just blurted it out and I really do take it back. I mean it. I swear. I love you and I feel like I'm losing you and it's really scary. I want to be with you more than anything and I can come around to the idea of marriage eventually because it's you. I really do trust you and I hope one day again you can maybe trust me. I am just so sorry and hopefully you can forgive me. I want us. I need you Aaron. I don't want to fight anymore. I miss being able to hang out with you, sleep in the same bed with you, even just talking to you. I just miss you. I miss us." I let out a quick breath realizing I had been holding it all in. I was on the verge of tears and I was trying my best to hold it all back. He just sat on his bed speechless. I didn't know what to do. What if he doesn't want to be together anymore? I really messed up this time.

I moved closer to him. I moved so close to him until my lips were near his ear."You fought so long for me, so I promise that I am going to fight for you." I said then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as I exited his room. I just poured my entire heart out to him. Laid everything out. Even if he is still mad at me I am holding to my word.

I am going to fight for him.