No Control (Sequel to #AFAR)

18. Not So Quiet After All

Alexi's P.O.V.

We just finished our show and had another one in two days. I was happy to get tomorrow off cause this tour was stressing me so much.

After we changed into our normal clothes, we went to book a hotel since sleeping in the tour bus was getting tiring. Them little bunk beds weren't gonna keep me satisfied for long.

Each one of us had a room with our boos. I was with EJ. Izzy was with Roc. LeeLee was with Ray.

As for Niyesha? Well she said she was gonna get her own room, but Prodigy said she'll sleep in the same room. Prince, who was jealous, but didn't say anything and got another room on a different floor too. Talk about being a drama queen.

Brandon said he'll sleep in the tour bus. He's been acting a bit funny ever since the show ended, but I'll talk to him later.

I just finished taking a shower and couldn't keep still at all.

EJ: Babe come to bed already.

Alexi: I'm not tired! I'm way too hype right now. All I need is some candy and --

He interupted me by kissing my lips. I slightly parted them, giving him more access to my mouth. He slipped his tongue in, while I bit on his bottom lip. Hard.

EJ: Ow what the fuck babe?

Alexi: Next time don't interupt me.

EJ: Noted...What's up with you though?

Alexi: (Confused.) What you mean? I'm fine.

He grabbed my hand, leading me to the bed. He sat down on the edge, and pulled me on top of his lap.

EJ: You haven't been...? You know...

I didn't answer. I just hugged him, not being able to look into his eyes. I didn't like disappointing him, but I couldn't help myself. When I feel stressed or unable to do something, my reaction is to cut. When I feel sad, my reaction is to cut. It's something I've been doing for so long, and a hard habit to break out of.

EJ: (Sighs.) Baby what's wrong now?

Alexi: I...I was reading some articles about the group and apparently I'm the quiet, ugly girl of the group.

We have done a couple of interviews for teen magazines and radio shows. It's always Niyesha and LeeLee leading it and at times Izzy. You would think me being the loudest of them all could actually be the shyest. I don't know how I perform, but with interviews I over think too much.

If I should actually answer...Would my answer be too complicated or too vague...Would I seen too boring...

All these questions are flowing to my head, so I just stay quiet and smile.

Not only that, a lot of tumblr posts about us say that I'm the weird looking one. If it's not about my hair, it's about the way I talk to people. If it's not that, then it's the way I dress.

Always something.

EJ: Alexi you can't let them things get ti you. Someone is always gonna hate on you. It's then who needs to change not you.

He looked at my arms, faint cuts near my wrists. He shook his head, and then kissed them.

EJ: I love you just the way you are.

He started to kiss me, and then went to my neck. As he started going lower, I pushed him away and went to the other side of the bed. I couldn't bare to have him touching me. I felt disgusted. Not only with the cutting, but for him to find out he won't be the first...I'll feel like complete shit.

I hated to remember...

EJ: Did I bite you too hard?

Alexi: No not that baby...Just not today okay?

He nodded his head, and went to the bathroom to shower.

He probably thinks I don't want him to feel up on me but it's not that. I love EJ with all my heart, and would do anything for that boy. But I can't help but have the memories flow back into the front of my brain when all I've been doing is putting in them back, not telling anyone. Not even the girls.

I sighed and out on my earphones and soon falling asleep.

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This is kind of a filler...I mean I had a bit of a writer's block but I'm good now. Especially with this Alexi storyline we got here.

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