Two weeks passed after my brother Moises return.
Uhh. Leche siya. Lagi na lang niya akong nahahanap kung magtago ako, lagi niyang nalalaman ang sikreto ko kahit wala naman akong pinagsabihan, ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano niya nalaman ang number ko kahit hindi ko naman binigay. Pero kahit napakaraming katanungan ang nasa isip ko tungkol sa pagiging 'weird' niya, I fall unto him. Shet. . . Shiiiiit.
Move on, Kenne. MOVE ON.
Takte. Why did he returned? I can't help myself falling again to him. I knew this was wrong. Tanga. Tanga. Tanga. It made me remember all the past happenings we have, but now, all I can do is to stare at him. To. . .
Text him. Hoping that texting and conversing with him over the phone will make my mind change that he is just my brother, because were far away from each other and I knew that keeping myself away from him make me hurt myself because of loneliness. But my heart says, I...Love...Him.
He texted,
"Don't cry because of love, cry because of me."
Takte. Akala ko pa naman magandang quote. Hindi pala nauubusan ng HUMOR ito. I bit my lip.
Loko ka ah. I replied.
After few minutes, eto pa, isng quote "Love is in the air, but air the in is Love." intndhn mo.
Binaliktad lang. Okay, hindi na ako natatawa... naiinis na. Madali akong mainis ngayon e.
Almost 2 weeks na rin kaming magkatext at magkatawagan. Parang may patutunguhan pa ang ginagawa namin. Yeah, hopeless. Hindi ito mapupunta sa LOVE. Sa FOREVER. Sa INFINITY.
Pero kahit na, I just want. . .
. . .closure. Yeah, I'm still hoping that he will end up with me. (Darren Espanto lang ang peg.) But...duh. It can't. It's just can't.
As I replied, "Stop talking shit, oh, you're a shit so talk more shitty words." pak yu!
He replied after an hour. Tagal ah.
My knta aq sau.
What? I replied after another hour. Kala niya ah.
Tgal rply nman. Twgan kta.
At tumawag siya. And here is me, sitting at room 34B7 with Liro doing project. Actually siya lang. Busy ako e. Text ng text habang naka-earphone.
Biglang nag-flash ang number ni Kuya Steve sa Screen ng phone ko, indicating na tumatawag siya so I swipe it to answer the call.
"ON THE WINGS OF LOVE! UP AND ABOVE THE CLOUDS, THE ONLY WAY TO FLLLLLYYYYY!!!!" I immediately end the call. Leche.
Kakanta ng On The Wings Of Love, basag na basag ang boses? And me? Wearing an earphone with maximum volume? Takte.
Nakakabasag eardrums. He texted. . . Danda ng boses q.
I replied, pack you! Being me talking shitty words, I then realized na Kuya ko siya, pinagsasalitaan ko siya ng ganyan, este ti-ne-text ko siya ng ganyan or whatever. Pero ayos lang iyon he's not bothered with it. It's like he's a total stranger without any connection with me.
Takte.
Owwwww. Pabebe ka. Gnda nmn dba?
Pabebe? Whatda? Bigla na lang akong napatingin kay Liro, kanina pa pala siya nagsasalita hindi ko marinig dahil sa earphone at music nito.
Tinanggal ko ito at ang sabi niya, "Ano ba Kenne?! Hindi ka ba makaintindi ng seryoso?! Magseryoso ka na--" blah, blah, blah. Binalik ko ulit ang earphone sa tenga ko.
Kinuha niya bigla ang phone ko at hinugot ang earphone na ikinainis ko. Nagtayuan kami.
He yelled, "Tumigil ka na, marami pa tayong gagawin!!"
Sumigaw din ako, aba, hindi ako magpapatalo. "Ano ba, gagawin ko kung ano ang gusto ko!!"
"You're such a. . ."
"Ano?" I said with eyebrows up and crossed arms.
Noong wala siyang masabi, nagsalita ako, "WALA KANG KARAPATAN PARA UTUSAN AKO! ARE YOU MY MOTHER? ARE MY FUCKING FATHER? YOU'RE NOT EVEM MY BROTHER. SO BAKIT GANYAN KA? MATAGAL PA NAMAN ANG DEADLINE NG MGA PROJECT NA IYAN AH? YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT I'M STRESSED OUT? I JUST WANTED TO RELAX!! SO SABIHIN MO NGA, MAY KARAPATAN KA BANG UTUSAN AKO? YOU'RE NOT MY BOYFRIEND, OR A FRIEND. YOU'RE JUST MY CLASSMATE. MY FUCKING CLASSMATE!!!" fck. I don't want any emotional outburst. But here I am now. Yelling and making unnecessary actions. Buti walang nakakarinig sa amin.
After that, he just stared at me. What? Am I seeing his eyes building up tears? Pero bago ko pa makita, yumuko siya at niligpit lahat ng gamit and I think he will walked out of blue pero noong bubuksan na niya ang pinto, bigla itong bumukas at nauntog siya. I can't help but to smile. But realizing that I am now the bad guy, that smile turn into a helpless face.
Nakita kong ang nagbukas ng pinto ay si Leny. Thank you Leny! You're the breaker of the walked out scene of Liro. Pumasok si Leny sa loob at lumabas si Liro but before he left, he looked at me with a disgust face holding his forehead na nauntog kanina.
Bigla ko na lang niyakap si Leny.
I was ashamed of everything. My life is a trash. Tears begin to fall.
That emotional burst out was the product of being mad at my father, Moises return from states, my loneliness to Kuya Zey, and being IN A HOPELESS CASE.
Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out Who? Sino? Kanino? Kanino ako dapat mainlove? I know napakababaw lang ng dahilan but that kababawan can make simole things complicated. Diyan nag-uumpisa lahat.
BUT thinking it too much make me hurt other people and myself.
Naging malaking panyo ang damit ni Leny dahil walang patid ang pag-iyak ko.
Gahd. Liro is so clingy. Lagi niya akong inaaya kung saan-saan. May mga nasasabi na nga ang ibang estudyante na 'ui sweet', 'bagay sila.' and the haters said 'Landi' 'Oh my gosh, slut' which also force my burst out kanina.
Being me, hindi naman sa feelingera ako, pero siya ang sunod ng sunod sa akin.
Which made me realize na. NAHANAP KO NA PALA.
SIYA LANG PALA. Then, I started to love his flaws and everything.
I think I slowly liking him.
Pero I offended him.
But that also hurt me. Ayaw kong maging assumera kaya, I keep my distance from him. He's not there to catch me when I fall.
I'm expecting him to fall for me too. But he's too much paasa.
Kahit alam kong palagi na siyang nandiyan at nasanay na rin akong nandiyan siya lagi, I think he will not be there with me to start a road to FOREVER.
