AN: Warning, longest chapter ahead. 3/4 of it is in english. Peace. Hehe.
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I've never been miserable like this in my whole life. Its been a while. The wound healed; but its scars still lingering on my mind won't stop bothering me. I think this will never leave me. What ifs to face were very demanding.
Days passed and November came, staring at a same point all day became interesting to me. Things around me like leaking water on the faucet, noisy vehicles, messy clothes and uncleaned bathroom won't convince me to stand even a little second from my bed. I even sit in here with my blanket covers my entire legs and thighs-which were very stubborn to get up. My hands were lazy as its bones and my bones inside my body were hold in the same place; not moving, that even wipe the curtains to see if it's already morning, but nah-I turn my face on the wall. The clock says its fucking 2 am in the morning and I can't sleep. No, it's not because I have insomia-but the feelings that were still burning.
Wound still bleeding.
Even the scars still reminisce.
And my heart still bursting out its shaky beats.
No, it was not the same feeling I felt when he left me to states because of the big REVELATION. Though there both painful, that revelation's feelings subsided and reflection opens up, but this, . . .the scene on Casa Nova Hotel, and other memories, there was REALLY painful as fuck.
NO I CAN'T.
I ADMIT.
I'm still assuming.
This was ridiculous! For pete's sake! He love me but I don't know if it is true? Is it true? I don't know if this was destiny's fault but for me, now that I realized that I have to stand up and fulfill my doings that I listed up to do this sem-break, I could only do one thing, and that is to go with the flow. Let things happen for a reason. But heck it is. How can i manage to go with the flow when my mind keep asking me, "Why you let this things happen to you?" then, involuntarily, my mind push me to remember the things that I did and who I am when I was a high school student. Though I didn't change, I can tell many big differences that I make. But I decided to tell just one. That precious thing called-love.
When you talk about love, as I was cleaning my entire room even in this time of the day, simple things just go on when you see it just the way a child see it, but when time comes, you realized that love is something different that it may take you away from your mind. So as you go far, you complicate things. That's why people have heartbreaks and heartaches.
Cliché.
Nevertheless, when you started to believe your thoughts and not obey what's right and just, you are so much in deep. When heartache came, the wounds it will leave can't be healed by time, but rather by yourself. Time can only make you endure to make this wounds, slowly, fade and became scars that you can't scratch out. That's why there are people who are scared of commitment, to try and love again, they stop themselves to be happy again. They don't possibly know that sadness can lead to happiness.
That's why,
Delightedly sad moments of mine are true. Three days to go before classes will resume. I've got to fix myself. How can I?
