Chosen to be pregnant (Lesbian Story)

Passing Time

After the day of my confirmed pregnancy the days just go by in a blur. Everyday I wake up, eat a delicious breakfast, do my exercises, work with my tutor, go to my photography and meditation classes, and then play video games and watch movies. Time passes me by as a life grows inside of me. Nothing new happens, the same thing everyday, a monotonous routine day in and day out. Soon the concept of time doesn't seem to exist anymore, I don't know the date at all, just the month. The outside world seems frozen in time, nothing happens except inside, women's belly's just grow.

Bee and I spend a lot of time together at night, we really are becoming close friends. I feel this fierce protectiveness over her, she seems so much younger. She is so sweet also, always happy and never upset, at least not actually upset. We all have finally convinced her to join in on the racing game tournaments occasionally, but she still refuses the first person shooters. She says she doesn't like games that involve guns, we respect that.

Sloane and I haven't really talked much since that night. After we kissed we both blushed and she just mumbled she had to go back to her room. It's been very awkward ever since. I miss talking to her. Her pregnancy is very far along at this point, we all suspect she'll be sent over to have the C-section any day now. I sometimes notice her stroking her belly, her face filled with sadness. But only for a second, then she acts like everything's normal. It's all she can do. It's all we can do. We can't become attached.

As an option I can meet who will parent my child. I still haven't decided if I will. It's a newlywed couple, they tell me, two very kind young men. That is one benefit from this system of Mothers, anyone has a fair chance at a child, no matter who you're with. That used to not be the case, people used to be ridiculed and called freaks because of the gender they were attracted to. Now only small groups think like that, everyone else doesn't care the gender of who you're with.

I am debating if I should meet the parents one day, when Bee runs up to me all excited. It's been over a month since we arrived, but because it's still early, neither of us has a bump yet. Bee still rubs her belly like she does though, I become sad when I see that because I know it will be harder for her to let go once she gives birth. 

Bee is jumping up and down like a jelly bean and says, "Guess what?!"

"What?" I say with a smile.

"I'm gonna meet the parents of my baby tomorrow!" She squeals, her blonde hair is in pigtails today, making her seem even younger than she normally is.

"Oh wow that's great! Are you sure you want to-" Bee cuts me off,

"Yeah I'm positive! I like how you worry about me, but don't, I won't get attached. I just wanna have a say in the name if they let me!" she says. Most of the time Mothers choose not to name the child if given the option by the parents, it makes it far too painful for separation. Most don't even want to know what the name is, if they don't choose it. But I just smile and say,

"That's great Bee, what are your ideas?"

"Well I'm thinking either Orchid for a girl, or Cypress for a boy." she says.

"Those are both beautiful names, I'm sure the parents will love them." I say with a fake smile.

"You should meet the parents of yours too! I'm sure they'd wanna meet you! And it would be fun!"

"I'm not sure I will, I don't want to get attached."

"Oh come on! You'll be fine! Just look at how detached you are right now!" I know she doesn't mean it in a hurtful or even unpleasant way, rather as a compliment, but it cuts me like a knife. I realize I don't want my child to think I didn't care because I didn't meet their parents. They'll ask about me, and the parents will say, "I don't know sweetie, we never met her." and the child will think I didn't care about them enough to meet who would be raising them. That makes my decision right there.

"Ok Bee, I'll meet them." she squeals with delight. I walk over and let one of the maids know to tell the butler that I want to meet the parents. Later in the day I am given a message that I will meet the parents tomorrow at noon for lunch in a restaurant downtown. Palmerston will be my bodyguard to accompany me. I am thankful it's Palmerston and not Livingston, I like Livingston but he's too talkative, plus I know he'll eavesdrop, Palmerston won't.

After dinner that night, I am in my room on my new laptop, just browsing the internet randomly, when there's a knock at my door.

"Come in." I say, it's probably just Bee, but hope flares up in my chest that it's Sloane. I am very surprised when it's neither however, it's Florence, the islander descent with the unique eyes who doesn't speak much. She is wearing glasses right now, I didn't even know she needed them.

"Oh, hi Florence."

"Hi Sawyer. You're probably wondering why I'm here right?" she says. Her voice is deeper than I imagined, very rich.

"I kind of am, we never really talk. Is something up?"

"I just wanted to ask, if you don't mind, why you are choosing to meet the parents?"

"Well..." I debate telling her a lie and just acting all excited like most new Mothers are expected to be, but I realize she's very intelligent behind those sharp eyes, and she'll see through me in an instance. "The truth is, I don't want my child to think I didn't care. I didn't want them asking their daddy's about the woman that gave birth to them, and them having to say, 'We don't know, she didn't want to meet us.'" Florence nods her head, understanding.

"I just wanted to give you a word of caution. Try your best not to get attached. It mostly can't be helped, that's just instinct, but don't let yourself get more attached than instinct allows, it will be very painful to let go then." she says the words with far off eyes, full of loss. She absentmindedly cleans her glasses with her shirt.

So I ask, "Did that happen to you?"

"I'd rather not talk much about it, but yes, I allowed myself to get more attached the first time. Now I just make myself think I'm getting fat. Truth be told I'm not that worried about you, you seem smart, but your friend Bee? I worry about her. We all are. She seems much too young to be here, she won't be able to withstand attaching, you have to be there to help her. Let her do it though, she'll do it either way, but she'll resent you if you try to stop her. Just be there for her when the time comes. Anyway that's all I had to say, have a good night Sawyer." she says and walks out of the room.

I sit and contemplate what she said. I know she is right, I can't stop Bee from being hurt. All I can do is just be there with a cushion for when she falls.