Listen To Your Heart (A KaiSoo Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Nine | Unsure

The magazine ad stayed hidden among Kyungsoo's clothes for another month after that. Kyungsoo went about his usual activities and tried to act as if the advertisement never even came across his eyes. But in his mind, it was all he could think about. 

He didn't keep his discovery from Jongin for any negative reasons like he didn't think he'd support him, but rather because he wasn't sure if it was an action he wanted to pursue. If he told Jongin, the young brunette would surely tell him to do whatever his heart was leading him to, but he also knew that a small part of him would hope that Kyungsoo would go through with it. 

Although his words never validated it, Kyungsoo knew that loving a deaf person was hard; he found it hard to love himself most of the time, regardless of how many times Jongin told him there was nothing wrong with him. No amount of love in the whole galaxy could change the fact that it wasn't easy to love a deaf person. If he told Jongin about the magazine ad and then decided to push getting the surgery out of his mind, he would surely be crushed; he just wouldn't show it and Kyungsoo didn't think he could live with that.

But Jongin could read his boyfriend like a book and knew something was weighing on his mind. His natural self was telling him to simply go to Kyungsoo and ask him what was itching at him, but the loving and caring side of him instructed him to keep his distance. Jongin realized that despite how approachable and open he tried to be, sharing feelings was still a new concept to Kyungsoo and he didn't want to push him if he wasn't ready to talk. 

However, as the days dragged on, Jongin could tell by how quiet Kyungsoo had gotten that whatever issue was troubling his mind was serious. Still, though, he persevered and kept his mouth shut. When Kyungsoo was ready, he would come to Jongin. He just had to be patient and wait until he was ready.

The faucet in the kitchen was running in the background as Jongin folded up the last t-shirt and stacked it on the medium-sized pile he had made on the bed. Ever since Kyungsoo moved in with him, he found that he had a lot more clean clothes to wear and that was a nice feeling. Exhaling a light sigh, Jongin picked up the stack, placing one hand on the bottom of it and the other on the top, and carried it over to the drawer where all the shirts were stored. Luckily, he was able to pull on the little, metal handles and open the drawer with the little hand space he had left, which made putting them away a much easier task for him.

The drawer was beginning to get full despite the shirts being folded neatly, so Jongin set the three shirts he had left on top of the dresser for a moment to make some room. As he was pushing and transporting pieces of fabric to different, more convenient spots, he heard a crinkling noise come from somewhere inside. 

Eyebrows knitted together, he turned his attention away from the task at hand and kept digging his hands through the mess of shirts to try and find the source of the noise. Jongin felt something that wasn't as soft as the other items in the big, wooden drawer, so once his hand had a good, firm grip on it, he pulled it out.

"What is this?" he said to himself in a mute voice, his eyebrows still remaining creased as he flipped the now unfolded paper so he could read it properly. His lips parted from each other when he had read enough to know what it was advertising. "Surgery?" he said, turning it over to glance at the back. "Where did he get this?" He figured that since this was his first time seeing it that it wasn't his, so it had to be Kyungsoo's.

He looked over his shoulder for a moment before walking over to the opened door and peeking his head out to see that Kyungsoo was just now drying off his hands from finishing up the dishes. There was no more waiting for him, he thought. Jongin needed to know what was going on with Kyungsoo and now he wasn't going to wait for him to be ready, especially since he saw the advertisement.

As Jongin was approaching him, Kyungsoo happened to turn around and smile at him. Did you need help with the laundry? he asked a blank-faced Jongin. I'm all done with the dishes now. Jongin just shook his head faintly and Kyungsoo could tell that something was bothering him. He walked a few steps closer to him and lightly touched his hand to get his attention. What's wrong, Jongin? he signed.

Jongin connected their eyes for a brief moment before holding up the paper. "What's this?" His expression wasn't angry or even growing anger; it showed concern. A guilty, nervous expression flushed and quickly took over Kyungsoo's face. "Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to get hearing surgery?"

Because I didn't know if I did, Kyungsoo replied, looking up at Jongin. Are you mad at me for not telling you about it earlier?

"No, of course, not," Jongin said in a soft voice, his response making Kyungsoo feel relieved; he didn't think he could take it if Jongin was mad at him again. Jongin then proceeded to take Kyungsoo's hand and gently pulled him to sit down at the kitchen table. "Do you want to get this surgery?" he asked his boyfriend only to get a shrug in response.

Like I said, I don't know, he explained. I mean, hearing is something I've always wanted to be able to do, but I'm deaf, so that's only natural. And I never thought that I would be able to, but when I saw this, I just...I don't know what I felt. Jongin refrained from talking as Kyungsoo placed his hand on the crunched up ad again and slid it to the spot in front of him. It's like when you really want something, but you don't know if you want it because you really want it for yourself or because everyone else has it.

"Then, in that case, you need to ask yourself do you really want to be able to hear?" Jongin said, earning a slightly perplexed look from the elder. "You've already beaten so many odds and I know for a fact that you can do anything and everything a hearing person can. But I'm not you and I don't live in your body, so I can't tell you that you shouldn't want to hear or that you don't need to. It's up to you, Soo." Kyungsoo's eyes fell as he realized the accuracy of Jongin's words. "But regardless," he continued, "I will be right here with you the whole time. I don't know if I can do much to help, but I can certainly try to make it easier for you."

Kyungsoo smiled at Jongin before leaning forward and kissing his lips. I love you, he said after Jongin kissed back.

"I love you, too," said the younger, rubbing his thumbs against Kyungsoo's soft, pale skin. "I'm gonna go finish putting the clothes away," he added after a few seconds, standing up and kissing Kyungsoo once more before heading back to the bedroom. A smile took over Kyungsoo's lip as he watched Jongin walk away, thinking that he must have been the luckiest man in the world to be able to call Jongin his. 

But when he looked back down at the advertisement and lifted it into his hands, all he could think about was how stuck he was. Did he want to get the surgery and if so, how long would it take for him to admit that? Kyungsoo didn't know.

A/N

My sincere apologies for such a short and uneventful chapter, especially after not updating yesterday. My papa isn't doing so well and is in the hospital and my nana's mind is gone, so it's hard right now. Plus with school added into that, my life is pretty stressful. But I won't let it hinder my updates too awful much!

Thanks for reading and I will be back tomorrow! I have a half-day at school, so I can get an early update in maybe! Until then, goodbye! <3