wild and running || a.b. (series on hold)

Chapter 13

I carefully observe him in the mirror as he begins to read the first page, written when I was only 13.

It's funny how you can try so hard to forget about someone but no matter how hard you try,

It never works.

You can't forget. You can't push the sound of their voice out of your head. You can't seem to let go of all the memories.

But it seems so easy for them.

Not for you.

Your soul is slowly ripping in two. The person that you have lost haunts your dreams at night, so you can't stop thinking about them.

And when you see them...

The pain in your chest is brutal. You just want to laugh with them, hug them, kiss them, care for them, and have them accept the love that you have for them that never ceased to exist.

But you can't.

You just can't.

And the pain begins to spread through your veins like a fire, causing numbness.

Still then, you try to forget.

You try so hard.

But you can't.

And that is the most horrifying pain you could ever feel.

He continues to read the hundreds of pages I have or poetry, stories, journal entries, and just random thoughts. "I like this one." He says out of minutes of silence. I walk over to my binder to see him reading the first poem I have ever written. It was about Clay...

Sometimes I

Wish things were different;

Easier.

Still, I hope that

People see the truth.

Maybe the heavens didn't want it that way.

There is always a reason;

A reason why I need my

Bright eyed angel,

To help collect the shattered

Fragments of my heart, mind

And spirit.

And he came to me,

in the form of liquified dreams-

As each one stands

And he held me so gently.

All feeling of regret and

Loss were carried away by his voice saying to me,

"You are the one thing I love in this world."

"Thank you." I say quietly in response. I remember I have Clay a copy of that for his birthday, along with a silver necklace that I spent all of my money on. He used to keep all of my poetry and letters on his bedside table. Every morning, he would read them. It's weird how memories can make you happy and sad at the same time.

Once he was done, he put the binder away and pulled me close to him. "People were awful to you, baby. Weren't they?" He questions softly and I nod in response. He pulls me tighter, "I'm sorry." He murmurs. "For what?" I ask. "The way that people treated you. You don't deserve that at all." "There's no reason to apologize." We sat in silence for a while and I treasures feeling his arms around me.

Cherish what you have, you never know when you may lose it.

I learned that the hard way...

I look at my alarm clock, it's 6:00 in the afternoon. "Do you want to go get something to eat?" I say, breaking the silence. "No cardboard tacos." He chuckles and I sit up off of his chest. "They weren't that bad!" I say through laughter causing him to smile and laugh lightly. "Chinese?" He questions. "Oh, that's my favorite." I say excitedly and slip on some converse. I look like shit right now, but I just want some Chinese food.

We drive up at a small Chinese buffet and he takes me, hand-in-hand, inside. "Table for two." Andy says to the woman behind the counter. He's so much taller than everyone. It's so cute. We are seated and she takes our drink orders. "So..." He begins, "Why were you so afraid when I first started to touch you?" A wave of anxiety passes through my body. "The past." I say in response. "What do you mean? You don't have to tell me... But I was just wondering if it was me or something." "Well..." I begin to explain to him about the whole Clay situation, and he listens attentively. He probably didn't want to hear about my one and only ex-boyfriend... but he did anyway. "That's understandable. Keep in mind that I don't break my promises. It pisses me the fuck off that he treated you like that. Asshole." He says.

I don't break my promises either. Never have.

The waiter sets down our drinks, and gives us out played to go to the buffet. I don't get much food, I have a slight eating disorder. It's not bad, but it is a problem. I see that he doesn't have much on his plate either. Do we both...? He seems really skinny, and I am too. It deals with things from my past.

"I'm just as broken as you are."

That line replays in my head and I automatically feel sorry for him. "I'm sorry, I forgot to show you around campus today." I say, remembering his request at The Red Rose. "It's fine." He says shaking his head. "Yoga was better." He says quietly and I blush. "You should be a model." I say to him. "I already am." He chuckles. "Oh." I say quietly. "You should be a model." He says returning the statement. "I was..." "Really?" He questions. I pull out my phone and show him pictures from when I was sixteen. They were a bit skimpy, but it wasn't my choice. "Damn.." He mutters while flipping through the old photos. He hands my phone back once he was done. "You like taking photos, don't you?" He asks with a grin. "Yeah, why?" "I saw the total of number of photos you have." He laughs. I blush. That's a bit embarrassing. "Don't worry, I have that many too." He says comfortingly.

We finish our food and drive back to the dormitory.

"So, how's the band stuff going?" I ask while taking off my shoes.

"Really good actually," he begins, "we are going to a recording studio soon." He seems very proud, and I'm proud of him also. "Andy, that's amazing!" I say excitedly. "Sure is." He replies while sitting on my bed. I straddle him playfully and lace our fingers together. "I have tiny hands..." I pout. He laughs, "Its adorable. I love how I'm so much bigger than you." I bend over and plant a simple kiss on his lips, but he pulls me back for more.