wild and running || a.b. (series on hold)

Chapter 24

Looking ahead of me was a beautiful lake with a sky full of hues of red, orange, and purple. The breeze was perfect for a late summer afternoon. My toes were hanging off the edge of the dock as I hugged my knees, focusing on the beauty of the sunset. "Beautiful, isn't it?" A familiar voice says behind me, the scent of spearmint fills my senses. "Truly," I whisper in awe, "it's lovely." 

Calmly, I look to my right as a boy seats himself next to me. "Never as lovely as you, sweetheart." He says charmingly. I giggle and slap his arm, "Stop, Clay." He smiles at his own charming comment. I examine his soft yet sharp features. His blue eyes are light, content, and peaceful. The wind gently blows his black and brown hair onto his forehead and I brush it away. His skin flushes coyly at my touch. "I love you." He says as his gorgeous eyes connect to mine. My heart flutters at his words. Suddenly, I begin to feel like we're falling. "C-Clay." I stutter as I begin to panic. It's like the earth is falling beneath our feet. "What? Are you alright?" He asks as his face twists in confusion. The dock falls beneath me, and the cold water engulfs my body.

-

I sit up quickly and gasp as if I were out of air from drowning. My head feels like mush. I frantically feel around my body as Andy sits up behind me. "Ivory? Calm down. You're okay. It's okay." He quickly turn on the lamp and I feel myself start to tear up. "Are you alright?" He asks. "Nightmare." I say in the midst of an anxiety attack. "Breathe. Breathe." He says and I eventually calm down.

Clay?

Why am I dreaming of him?

My heart aches as I recall the pain I experienced and tears begin to stream down my face. The dream was so realistic. It was almost like I really touched his skin again... "No. Don't cry. It's just a dream." He coos as he wraps his arms around me. I flinch at his touch and he pulls away. "I'm sorry." I whimper through tears. "It's alright. I understand." He responds. He continues to comfort me as I put my head between my knees. 

The heart breaking fact is that wasn't only a dream, it was a flashback. It was a weekday in the summer that we went to William's camp with a few friends. I feel myself regressing from the healing that had happened previously, but I try to fight it. There's no way I can go back to that lifestyle again. I lay back down on my pillow and turn away from Andy, completely ashamed from the affects of my dream. "I'm sorry. You can turn the light off." I sniffle. "Are you sure?" He asks slowly. "Yes. I'm sure."

We both lay in silence. I can't even imagine the thoughts going through his head. I can barely keep up with my own thoughts at this point. Why? Why am I dreaming about this? It's causing me to backtrack. I guess he's the person I'm never going to get over. I sigh and try to pull myself together and I suddenly smell spearmint. 

Fuck.

Memories flood through my mind and emptiness takes over my heart. I feel completely hallow. Andy's foot brushes against mine in a comforting manner and my blood runs cold. I feel so bad for not being over Clay still, but being in a relationship with him. Maybe he would understand? But telling him wouldn't be very good. Maybe in the time that he's gone I can sort things out with myself. I could spend some time with Marie and we could just talk about everything. I guess time is all that I need. I push away my troubles and close my eyes. I hear Andy sigh beside me and I cringe. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "It's alright." He replies. 

The truth is, in this situation, it's really not. 

I eventually fell back asleep for what felt like five seconds then Andy was waking me up. "I made you some coffee. How are you?" He asks as I lift myself up to grab the warm mug, "Fine. I'm just a little shaken up." I mutter. Concern flashes across his face for the slightest second then he's back to normal, "Do you want some pancakes?" He asks. "That would be nice. Thank you." I smile slightly as I sip my warm, French vanilla coffee. I hear his footsteps go down the hallway and I decide that I should get up. I uncover myself and walk to Andy's closet. I pull out a sports jersey and slip on some leggings. I sniff the shirt, it smells like spearmint.