"I'm sorry dad I really am." I said with full intent at the breakfast table sitting in a full filled circle.
We were discussing my accident all over the side of his car.
"it's fine honey. It's my fault really. It was too soon. Especially since we have just built a new family and forgot about the other one." he was talking about the restaurant.
'the other one'??? 'the Other one'??? How dare he call OUR family, the OTHER family.
"are you serious?" I asked clearly shocked.
Cody looked at me like he missed something.
"I didn't mean for it to come out that way honey, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it."
"I think you did!" I said, standing with tears in my eyes.
"honey, don't be foolish!" he said with complete concern.
"if you didn't mean it, then why'd you say it? Huh? I hate you!" I said storming away.
I guess I really didn't mean it but I just couldn't believe he would desert the most unfortunate of our loved ones right when they needed us. I know you might wonder about how they would need us if they were dead and I guess no ordinary person would really understand. It's like having a child and driving to the grocery store real quick while they are sleeping in the morning. They don't know your gone and if they don't wake up then they will never know if you don't tell them, but you know that they need you and would probably be upset if they woke and you're weren't home. Sorta like that except different in a way I can't explain.
"honey, please come back!"
I didn't turn back although I felt kind of ashamed in front of Cody. I needed some fresh air. I walked outside into my yard and just kept walking. I didn't really know where I was going until I was face to face with Zoe's doorbell. I didn't hesitate a bit cause sisters stick together. When she came to the door, I realized it had been a month or two since I had seen her last. Her belly was big but the rest of her body was slim as always. I began to tear up as I stared at her baby bump.
"can I touch it?" I said gently.
She smiled and nodded in approval. My hand just grazed the bump at first and I turned into an emotional mess. She guided me to the couch where we sat and talked. I finally worked my way up to feeling her belly and it began to kick. This made me cry even more.
"oh Zo!" I explained in excitement and amazement. "can I be the god mother please???"
"oh course you can. I thought that was already decided." she said with a smile.
Zoe had seemed to be happier and more graceful now. Its weird that the biggest mistake that she could have made, fixed her entire life. I'm sure she will never be the same now. But it is in a good way I think. I wasn't so sure at first but now I know. Her little baby was her angel. It came a little late but God sent one.
"is it a girl or a boy?"
"too soon to tell" she said with a smile. Always exuberant now.
"what do you want?"
"I want both. I will be absolutely happy with either." she said smiling.
I believe now that a baby really does change you.
~~~~~~~~~~~later that night~~~~~~~~~~
I was thinking about my mom that night. I guess all of the baby drama got me curious about my mother. Before sleep, I had a cup or her favorite kind of tea. I had to stop and get it on the way home with some loose change but it was worth it. When I dreamed though, She appeared. As if she was talking to me. But it was in letter form again. Just like the mysterious woman. Trevor. But it had to be different. There was a connection though. Something.
Dear friend,
Although you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I have already sabotaged your life in an incredible way. You destroyed my life in high-school while still being the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to contact you through your dreams to apologize because I cannot see you in person no matter how much I want to. I just want you to know that if you ever need me, I am here. And although I could not help it, I want to apologize for leaving you. Dying on you. Tell your brother hi for me. Kendly wishes You the best. I want to be with you dear child but I know I never can. You can handle yourself. My teen pregnancy held me back from you but at the same time connected us everlastingly. I meant nothing sweet daughter. I did not do this purposely.
Love,
Madison Trevor Whitherington
I knew now who the woman was. She was my mother. She was contacting me in my dreams.
I got up out of my bed and left my bedroom. I walked across the hall to Cody's room and put my ear to the door expecting silence. But when I listened very closely, I heard sobbing. Then I remembered this morning and Cody's loss of his mother. I have been selfish and I know it. It took me at least a good year or two to get over my mother and Cody was going through the same thing. He had always helped me with my problems and I hadn't even bothered to notice him in his time of need. I decided to try to comfort him if he wanted me. But only if he wanted me.
~~~~~the next morning~~~~~~~~
I lay in bed next to Cody. Cody's bed. We talked all night long last night until we fell asleep and I think my words comforted him. I liked having a brother again. He comforted me as well.
I've been more confused than ever lately about what I want. I feel like Braxton is a part of me and it would be wrong to date my brother even though I feel as if I am in love with him. I just have to keep telling myself that I did this to save him. And he is a stellar brother by the way.
Late last night me and dad had made up and I think we are solid again. We drank moms tea together and comforted each other. He didn't say it directly, but putting off our family was his was of coping in a sick twisted way, but such is life.
I feel like though, in our own sick and twisted kind of way, we are getting over it and loving our new lives. Don't get me wrong though. Very slowly. Very very slowly.
"wake up sleepy head." I said smiling over at my beautiful blond headed brother.
He yawned and turned to me with tired eyes.
"ready to meet my friends"
