I woke up in a hospital bed with cody in his bedroom. I felt kind of ashamed of myself but what do you expect from a girl with a family as messed up as mine. Suddenly all of the memories from last night flooded back to me.
I guess i am really ashamed but it was so amazing. I don't really want to go into detail but i just cant stop fantasizing. I just met this boy and i was already sleeping with him. But don't get me wrong, sleep is all we did, nothing else!!! This is how it went.
~the last night~
After he kissed me (for a long while i might add), i asked him something.
"Cody?"
"Yes beautiful?" He said clumsily. This surprised me because he looked like a greek god. How could he be so innocent?
"Can we....maybe...um........slow things down a little bit?" His face burned with disappointment.
"Its just...... I love it completely and all but.......i have to tell you something."
He curled up in the bed and patted the spot next to him. I curled up with him but with a couple inches of distance between us.
"The person i am here visiting.... He was my boyfriend. But then he cheated on me with my best friend and...... I feel ....its just.... We used to be best friends and he kissed me........... He said he would never break me." Tears started pouring from my eyes. Cody was silent.
"I guess what he meant was that i was already too broken to break." I admitted quietly.
I could see tears start to drip from cody's eyes and he pulled me closer. He let me cuddle underneath him while we both cried. After a couple of minutes he finally spoke.
"Its ok. Ill protect you.........always." He said so sweetly and sincerely.
I think i really have feelings for him. Why is he so kind to me, a stranger? Why does he like me? Why did he pick me, the ugly fat girl, to come and say hi too? How am i so lucky but unlucky at the same time? We feel asleep that way, in each others arms.
~back to the morning~
I stretched my arms and yawned. I snuck out of the bed quietly, and carefully. I didn't want to wake him. I found my shirt on the floor and slipped it back over my head. Then, i silently left the room and returned to Braxton's room. I know i was able to see him after the doctor talked to me, but i just wasn't ready. I didn't know what to say yet. Now i know. I knocked quietly before turning the door nob gently. If he was asleep, i didn't want to wake him. I peeked my head inside to see Braxton wide awake, staring at his wrists. Tears dripped frantically but his face remained calm.
"Brax?" I greeted with a soft voice.
He was silent for a while.
"Why?" He asked me.
"What?"
"Why?"
"What do you mean Braxton?"
"Why did you save me? I destroyed you?"
"Because........... Because i love you." I said simply.
His face slowly lifted.
"You do?" Then he shook his head. "I don't deserve your love." He said resting it in the same downward position.
"I do. I love you. But just a friend. A best friend who helped me get over my biggest devastation. Not as a boyfriend who broke me after he promised not to."
I walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers. I slid into the bed with him and cuddled with him how we used to do at our sleepovers before we were dating.
"I wish all this had never happened." I said knowing i shouldn't have. I just felt like being genuinely honest. I wished he had never kissed me on the hill, on the grass, under the sky.
"Im sorry julie." He muttered with pain in his tone. "But Im glad it did. The only thing i would take out of the equation is my mistake. My stupid f***in' mistake." I cringed at his cussing. I hated that and he knew it. He would never use that kind of language around me if he wasn't so truthful about what he did.
"I love you jules. Not just as a friend. I want to be with you for the rest of my life but i don't want you to be unhappy. I hate to admit it but i made you unhappy. Very unhappy. Thats why i cant live anymore jules. I cant live without you but i cant live with myself being with you and knowing i am and have hurt you. You shouldn't have saved me."
"I wouldn't have been able to live if my angel was dead. Even angels make mistakes Braxton."
He looked into my eyes.
"Can angels forgive angels for there mistakes and start over?" He said hopefully, in a suggesting way to our relationship.
I think i just told him that i forgive him. Completely.
"Im not sure."
"Ill help you decide." He said right before he planted a soft kiss on my lips. He pulled away but his eyes stayed closed. I didn't move and inch. He started to lean back in for more and surprisingly, i let him. It was a nice kiss. Loving and gentle. I couldn't help but think if cody. Cody would never hurt me i know it. Braxton...... Braxton was always a flirt to begin with. I don't know why i thought he could redeem himself for me. I person like him just cant change their ways so easily like that.
I pulled away from the kiss and looked into Braxton's eyes.
"Im sorry, but i don't think they can."
Cody's POV
i woke up like usual stretching my fingers out into the sheets and reliving my dream in my mind. Then i remembered what happened last night. Julie. She was the most beautiful girl in the world. The kindest hearted too. I hate that someone hurt her. I want to squeeze the life out of that soulless monster. I opened my eyes and looked around for her. She wasn't in my bed anymore nor my room. Her shirt was gone off of the floor and it was only 7:00 am. I quickly got out of bed and entered into the hallway not bothering to cloth the top half of my body. She made me feel so confident and strong. I felt protective over her. I walked down the hallway to where i first met her. I figured she was visiting with her friend. As i neared the room i saw that the door was open. I walked closer and prepared for my fist to knock on the frame of the door lightly, but i froze in my tracks when i saw something completely revolting.
It was Julie. She was on Braxton's bed lying next to him. As if this didn't hurt me enough, they were kissing intently. It was soft and sweet. Then it came to me. I wasn't the savior. I was the one being tricked, played with. I was being fooled and broken by the girl who can trick anyone. The convincing one. So much for meeting people my age. I am never doing it again. I gave my heart to this angel who broke me. I will never, ever, trust anyone again. It is too painful. I hate my life. Nothing ever goes right.
