30th Day
A day after his proposal, kinasal kami. It was not a grand wedding but it was my dream wedding. And I couldn't be happier at wala na ata akong ginawa nung araw na yun kundi ang umiyak. Hindi dahil sa sakit kundi dahil sa kasiyahan. Hindi ko inakala na darating ako sa araw na yun. Ang araw na matagal ko ng pinapangarap, ang araw na akala ko hindi na kailanman darating. The day that I become Mrs. Cloud Elexier Tan.
Hindi ko din alam kung nahawa ba ang lahat sa kaiiyak ko but everyone cried during our wedding. It was such an emotional and heartwarming ceremony.
And on our honeymoon, we went to the hospital to start my radiotheraphy. He said he doesn't want to waste time because that next day will be my 30th day. Halos hindi niya ako iniwan nung araw na yun. Kulang na lang ayaw niya akong patulugin just to make sure na walang mangyayaring masama sa akin. He was so worried because I was so weak dahil sa radiotheraphy. Bakit parang nanghina daw ako?
He didn't sleep. Binantayan lang niya ako on my 30th day. And when the clock strikes twelve, I felt him kissed my forehead and whispered.
"You survived it love." I know that he'd been crying dahil nanginginig ang boses niya. Doon ko lang narealize ang klase ng takot na naramdaman niya sa buong araw na yun. Or maybe nitong mga nakaraang araw simula nung nalaman niya ang tungkol sa kundisyon ko. I might have been prepared sa mangyayari sa akin but he's not and he is so scared of what might happen. Doon ko lang naintindihan yun.
After that 30th day, my 1st day began. Sino ang magaakalang malalagpasan ko ang taning sa akin? And starting that day I started counting every second, every minute, every hour and everyday of my life. Filling each with happy and joyful memories with the people I love the most. Dahil hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng pagkakataon. Hindi lahat ng tao naeextend ang buhay. And I felt so lucky to be one of them at wala na akong mahihiling pa. Because a year is more than enough.
Yes, it has been a year simula nung natapos ang 30 days ko. A year of pure blessings. Even the painful days of radiotheraphy is a blessing because despite the vomiting, the tiredness, the loss of appetite and the hair loss means a chance to extend my life.
"Love..." I felt him tightened his hold on my hand. Naririnig ko ang paghikbi niya, ang pagtulo ng mga luha niya sa kamay ko. I can even feel his overwhelming love on me. I wanted to open my eyes para makita ang mukha niya but I can't barely open my eyelids.
"Cloud..."Hindi ko alam kung narinig niya ang sinabi ko o kung may boses bang lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Be strong May." Mas lalo niyang hinigpitan ang hawak niya sa kamay ko and kissed the tip of my nose. I smiled which I don't if my lips was able to show it. But I am happy. Because those days for a year have been the happiest days of my life. Hindi ko nga alam kasi sa paningin ko ang bawat araw ay siyang pinakamasayang araw sa buhay ko yet the next day would surpassed the happiness that I've felt the previous day. He made sure of that. AT kahit siguro hindi na siya mageffort mapapasaya niya pa din ako. Just by looking at him made me happy. His smile made me happier and when he laughed with all his heart it made me the happiest.
"I have been strong for the whole year Cloud. And we both know that it will end up into this. Let us accept it. Let us not be selfish." This time ako naman ang humawak sa kamay niya with both of my hands. Nakaramdam ako ng comfort when I felt the warmth of his hands.
"Please..." He was not able to finish what he was saying dahil lalo siyang umiyak.
"Sshhh. Wag kang umiyak. I know it's hard but Daddy, we should be thankful. Because we were given a year. We couldn't asked for more that would be too much. My life should have been over a year ago but I was given an extension. And that is enough or maybe too much. He had been good to us, too good that I would forever be grateful that He had given me a chance to be with you and Sky for a year longer. Wag mong iyakan ang pagkawala ko because my death wouldn't be useless. Remember our child, remember Sky. She wouldb be able to see the world and I would be the happiest mother because until my death I am able to give light to my child. Hindi lahat nabibigyan ng ganitong pagkakataon." Hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya na punong puno ng luha. And memories from the first time he'd approach me flooded in my mind and my heart overflowed with love for this man. Pinahid ko ang mga luha niya.
"Don't cry my love. I don't want to remember your tears during my last breath. Mas gusto kong maalala ang pagmamahal mo sa akin. Kaya please, don't cry, just kissed me. " And he did. I can feel his lips trembling when it touched mine. Dahil siguro sa pagpipigil niyang umiyak. Nonetheless, it was the most beautiful kiss he had given me. And once again, by his kiss naramdaman ko kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Kung gaano niya ako pinahalagahan, kung gaano niya ako pinasaya.
Maybe some people would say how unlucky I am dahil naramdaman ko ang lahat ng pasakit sa buhay but I would definitely say otherwise. Because those pain paled in comparison to the happiness I've felt when I am with my husband and my daughter. And would you believe kapag sinabi kong naging complete ang buhay ko kahit maiksi lang ito? You may not believe it pero yun ang naramdaman ko. Because I am loved by the persons that matters most to me.
Yes, the doctor said I only have 30 days to live. But see what love could do? It could defy science. It could extend life. It is a miracle. That's why it can't be explained, that's why it can't be measured. That's why it is eternal. That's why it's a gift that should be treasured.
Napangiti ako when he stopped kissing me and I took his face in my hand and wipe his tears.
"I love you." I whispered to him.
"I love you too." And that is enough.
I took my last breath with contentment and joy in my heart.
Epilogue.
"Daddy, won't you even get married?" the bride asked her father as they are walking down the aisle to her waiting groom.
"Darling, you won't be looking for anything else once you have the taste of perfection." And the father smiled at his daughter and looked into her eyes with adoration. Then he handed her a small notebook that looked like a diary. Sa labas nakaembossed and pangalan ng isang taong importante sa buhay nilang dalawa.
May Ayr Dominguez Tan
"Mom's diary?"
"Her journal." Kumunot ang noo ng dalaga and she looked at her Dad.
"Why are you giving me Mom's Journal?" Ngumiti lang ang ama niya.
"Because I want you to know what perfection is." And he gently kissed her cheek and handed her to the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with.
