Diva Princess (Laurmani / DC3)

Chapter 3

"Dinah. Girl. If you take one more duck-face selfie."

I could hear Normani being her usual rude self in Dinah's bedroom as I woke from my slumber. Normani had been staying with us for a few weeks, and I was starting to wonder if she was ever going to leave. She had no job and wasn't looking for one. She wasn't even out looking for a new sugar daddy. I just wanted my home life to return to normal. If Normani wasn't being a total bitch to me, her dog was. Even though I always closed my door when I went to sleep, I would sometimes wake up to the dog standing on my chest and growling in my face. I think Normani was opening my door on purpose.

"Normani, can you please get your dog and stop opening my door? I'm tired of waking up to her getting ready to bite my face off."

Normani walked into my room and picked up Coco. "She's pretty much claimed your bed. She really likes it for some reason. Probably because it already smells like dog."

She's such a liar. My bed didn't smell like dog before her dog started using it. It didn't stink at all. "All I know is that she's getting fur all over my sheets. I already washed them twice this week."

"That's more often than you wash your hair," she quipped.

I couldn't stand her. What was her problem? She seemed like a generally rude person, but she was especially rude to me. There was something about me that she really didn't like. Maybe I was the only person who had the balls to challenge her and snap back. Dinah told me that she's an only child. Her parents must have spoiled her. And, I wash my hair every other day. Thank you very much.

My biggest problem, however, was not Normani's rudeness; it was the fact that she was the most irresponsible dog owner, EVER! Having her live here wouldn't be so awful half the time if she didn't have the little runt. That thing plus Normani's laziness was making my life a living hell, and the problem got progressively worse by the week.

Incident #1

I had a mid-term coming up for my homeopathy course. So, naturally, I'm in my room studying hoping that that fur thing would stay quiet. But, instead of hearing it bark its head off, I kept hearing Normani call my name.

"Lauren!"

I ignored her and kept going over my notes.

"Lauren!"

I'm still ignoring her minding my own business. She'll eventually get tired of yelling my name.

"Lauren!"

Still not responding. I'm just waiting for the moment that she gives up and leaves me in peace.

"Lesbian!"

"What the fuck do you want?" I yell.

"Can you walk Coco? My toenails are drying," she shouted from Dinah's bedroom.

"Your dog; your responsibility," I shouted back.

"But, she's about to pee on the carpet," she notified me.

"Alright!"

"Too late."

Grrrrr. Our carpet is going to be ruined by the time she moves out of here if she ever does.

Incident #2

I had gotten ready for school and eaten breakfast. All I needed to do was put on my shoes. I walked to the side door because I parked in the carport the day before and like to take off my shoes when I enter the house. I looked where I had previously left them, and they were gone.

"Does anyone know where my black boots are?"

Normani walked from the kitchen to where I was standing. "Were they the ones sitting by the door?"

"Yes, have you seen them today?" I asked.

"I gave them to Coco to use as chew toys," she answered.

"Why would you do that?" I exclaimed. "Those were my favorite boots."

"Those beat-up things. I thought they were going in the trash. You told me to reduce, reuse, and recycle. It's all going to be okay. I'll take you to the mall this weekend so that we can get you something more girly."

Incident #3

I had just gotten home from a concert of several indie bands. I was exhausted from standing and dancing for hours. I usually shower at night, but I took off my shoes and most of my clothes and dived right into my bed. I was ready to be knocked out cold until I felt something.

"Ew! Why are my sheets wet?"

Normani opened my bedroom door and had a big grin on her face. "Have you been dreaming about me again?"

I scowled at her and replied, "No, my sheets smell like urine."

"Oh, Coco must have had an accident."

"I told you to keep that mutt off my bed!" I screamed.

"She's not a mutt," Normani argued. "She's a purebred, Long-Haired Chihuahua."

"I don't care what it is. Just keep it out of my room," I yelled.

"She's not an 'it;' she's a 'she!' Maybe if she didn't sense that you hate animals, she would treat you with more respect," Normani yelled back.

"I love animals. I especially love dogs. I just hate Coco and her owner. It would be nice if you washed my sheets, but because I know that your lazy, stuck-up ass won't do that, you can get the fuck out of my room."

Incident #4

Again, I was just minding my own business eating a bowl of organic cereal with almond milk, and this crazy woman had to come bother me with some bullshit.

"How come you always eat out of that bowl?" Normani inquired.

"I just like it. It's big, and it's something I brought with me when I moved out of my parents' house," I responded.

"What a coincidence. Coco likes it too. I've been feeding her out of it. I honestly didn't think anyone was using it because it's so old and ugly. And, since I didn't feel like washing it last night, I stuck it in the cabinet right after letting Coco eat out of it."

Shit! Dammit! Motherfucker! I spit milk and cereal in the air like a fire-breather. I ran to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out with Natural Listerine and hydrogen peroxide. Normani has it out for me. I just know it.

Incident #5

I was brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush in my bathroom when Dinah called me out to tell me a funny story that happened at her daycare. Still brushing my teeth, I stood in the living room to listen as Normani also did. After Dinah was finished, I was about to walk back to the bathroom when Normani called my name.

"Lauren. I just want to tell you that your toothbrush worked wonders on Coco's teeth. It got rid of most of the plaque and tartar. Now, I don't have to pay the vet for a cleaning."

Why? Why? Why? Slowly, I let the toothpaste flow out of my mouth and drip on the floor. Coco ran to the puddle and licked it up.

"Coco," Normani called. "Don't eat that. You'll get sick from the sugar alcohols."

But, this chick didn't care about me getting sick. I swear that she's trying to kill me with dog germs. Once again, I disinfected my mouth with Listerine and hydrogen peroxide. Dinah and I are going to have to have a talk.