10 years later [Tayvin AU]

Part 21

16th JANUARY 2017

TAYLOR POV

We spent Christmas in New York this year, just the three of us, doing all those typical winter vacation sort of things like skating and snowball fights and sledging. Adam had work, but since I was now teaching acting/ musical theatre I got the school vacations off. The whole month of December was busy in our household, all in the lead up to Christmas.

The first week in December was crazy for us all, because I was helping the kids in my classes put on the Christmas show. The show was a sort of modern take on a nativity. It all went really well, with Lottie's class being talking sheep that told each other jokes the whole time, and my class playing the squad of wise people bringing gifts. Adam helped out too, with building the set and making the program, while I helped make a lot of the costumes, so it was a family effort.

Then we had birthday week, with Lottie turning 6 and having her first sleepover and my birthday too. Lottie then went to spend the first weekend of the Christmas vacation with her grandparents and Adam and I had some 'downtime' before all the chaos of Christmas itself began.

Now I was wondering if our activities during that 'downtime' were going to have a lasting effect on our life.... It had been about a month since then and I had been feeling...well...not myself. I was really tired and moody. Adam had been away for the last week for work abroad, so he wasn't aware of my current dilemma. Tomorrow was his birthday and he'd be back in the morning to open presents, and have birthday lunch. Today was the day I found out whether his present was going to be a lot bigger and longer term than the new camera bag I had bought.

"Tay? Can I have a juice box?" Lottie called through the currently locked bathroom door.

"Yeah, hunny, I'll be out in a minute. You know where they are though, so go ahead. Remember to lift the wings before putting in the straw." I told her, trying not to show my nerves.

"Okay....are you ok?" Lottie asked.

Unlike her father, she was aware of me not feeling well, considering I had been sick this morning and wasn't at work despite it being Saturday, when I usually had classes all day.

"Yeah, sweets, I'm fine, don't worry." I told her, hearing a small OK in response followed by her feet padding back down the hall followed by the jingling of the cat's collars.

Okay....3....2....1....flip.

And look.....

LOTTIE POV

I knew Taylor was not feeling ok....Daddy says I am good at noticing things. But I guess she doesn't want to tell me she's not feeling good.

Maybe I should tell Daddy? He will be worried like he is when I am sick....He will be home tomorrow so hopefully Taylor will feel better or she'll tell him she's not feeling well.

"Hey bug." Taylor said, coming into the kitchen where I was drinking my juice box and looking at a book, "What do you want to do this afternoon?"

She seemed pretty tired and a little pale.

"Um....How about we watch a movie and eat popcorn?" I say. That's what I would want to do if I was feeling sick.

"That sounds perfect bug!" Taylor replied with a little smile, "How about you go choose a movie on the TV and I will get some snacks sorted out?"

I quickly agreed and ran off to the living room to choose a movie to watch.

TAYLOR POV

Lottie is one of the most perceptive 6 year olds I have ever met. She knew I wasn't feeling great, even more now than earlier, and offered to just have a movie day instead of going outside to play or anywhere else. I sort of wish Adam was here....I felt like I needed one of his bear hugs right about now, but at the same time was very nervous about how he will respond to what I have to tell him.

I tried to put that out of my mind while I made a batch of popcorn....but the smell that wafted out of the microwave made my stomach turn and had me rushing to the toilet.

"Taylor????" Lottie cried out, coming over to me, hunched next to the toilet bowl, looking positively terrified "Should I call daddy? Or Miss Sophia? Do you need to go to the hospital??"

"Ummm....No....I should be fine." I tell her, taking a deep breath and flushing the toilet again.

Should I tell her? Or should I wait till Adam knows?

We walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"I don't think you are Taylor....you don't have to be brave....daddy always told me that if you feel sick it's better to be sick and get the monsters out then try to be brave and keep it in." Lottie said, looking at me seriously.

"Does he now?" I said, knowing that this was indeed Adam's party line when she felt emotional or sick.

"Yup." Lottie said.

"Well....my monster isn't going to get out for a little while..." I said.

"Are you sick like Grandma?" Lottie asked, her eyes going wide and watering. Around Thanksgiving time Amy's mom had been diagnosed with early stage cancer and Lottie had found out by accident and had had some anxiety about it. Explaining illness like that to a 6 year old isn't easy....especially when it leads to a conversation about death.

"No, baby, not like grandma..." I said, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her onto my lap.

"Then what's wrong? I'm a big girl, I can cope with anything!" She said, obviously getting annoyed at me being really evasive.

"Ok...but you have to pinky promise not to tell your daddy till tomorrow when he opens his birthday presents....ok?" I ask her, holding out my pinky.

She nodded and wrapped her pinky around mine.

"So you know how Lilia has a baby brother and little sister?" I start, using the example of one of her friends with siblings, which she nods in response to, "Well they came from Lilia's mommy's tummy. Remember when she got really big?"

"When she was fat and we could feel the little baby kicking us when we said hello?" She replied

"Yeah! Exactly! That was pretty cool right?" I asked her.

"Yup! It was like an alien or something." She replied.

"Okay, so right now I have a little alien living in my tummy making me feel sick sometimes." I start, trying to gage if she gets what I'm saying. She looks at me with one eyebrow quirked. "Umm...Miss Charlotte Wiles, how would you like to be a big sister?" I asked, deciding to be very direct.

Her eyes went wide and her smile grew so much that it could've split her adorable little face in two.

"This isn't a joke right?" She asked.

"Nope....in about 9 months you will hopefully be a big sister." I told her.

"Seriously? Like a little sister to play with?" She squealed.

"Or little brother....but yeah, you can play with them when they are old enough...." I said, while she began jumping around the room.

"This is the best thing ever! How are you going to tell daddy??" She asked.

"Well....maybe you could help me with that? We can tell him tomorrow as a birthday surprise." I tell her.

I hoped that this would go down well tomorrow. We had discussed having more kids, but I think we both assumed that wouldn't be for a little while longer. We had only been together for just over a year. This was definitely not planned.

"Well, we NEED to plan all this!" Lottie replied, running off and returning a moment later with her pad of paper and pack of marker pens. Always organised.