Nowhere

Chapter 25

Chapter song: Grand Piano by Nicki Minaj
(Val's pov)
-8pm-
Dinner was good, and Justin's taking me home to do whatever's on his dirty mind. Suddenly, my phone buzzes in my pocket.
"Sorry."
Nervously, I glance at Justin and I answer it.
"Get your ass over here now."
Ben's voice growls through the line, sending unpleasant shivers up my spine.
"W-Why?"
I stutter a little in fear.
"Don't talk back to me! Get over here!"
He barks, and I wonder if Justin can hear it.
"O-ok."
Then I put my phone down and give Justin an apologetic look.
"I've gotta go, Justin. I-I'll see you tomorrow."
Hopefully, it's not obvious that I'm about scared to death. Why is Ben mad? What'd I do?
"Val, I really think you should stay-"
"No! I mean, I can't."
Justin knows something's wrong, but I can't do anything. I have to go.
"Valerie."
Reaching out for me, he speaks softly. Unable to speak, I look guiltily at him.
"Please, I don't want you to get hurt anymore. Nobody's forcing you to leave. Stay here."
Justin doesn't understand. I don't have a choice.
"Bye Justin."
I kiss him deeply on his soft lips; then I turn and walk away, feeling so bad.
I'm shaking. Ben called sooner than usual. Trepidation, fear, and confusion swallows me whole, leaving me an utter wreck.
As I walk to Ben's, I can't focus on anything. I'm too nervous. There's an uneasiness in my stomach, and my heart won't relax. It takes everything in me to knock on his door, but I do. What other choice do I have?
"You and I need to have a little talk."
Ben feistily answers and pulls me in, harsh and rough.
"Do you have any idea what You've done?"
Pissed off, he yanks my clothes off; then he cuffs my hands behind my back before I can figure out why he's mad.
"N-no."
The fierceness of his actions are making me tremble.
"I told you not to fuck with that bastard! What's so hard about that?! When I tell you to do something, you do it!"
Ben roars as he pulls me to the bathroom.
"I-I'm sorry-"
"I'm gonna teach you a lesson for being such a little whore."
Ben makes me kneel down over the tub, where water fills up to the top. I know what's coming, and I sure hope I have a heartbeat after this.
Suddenly, I feel an immense amount of pleasure on my area, a vibrator.
"You like that?"
He pulls my hair as I moan loudly, feeling an orgasm coming on.
"Next time you better think about who you belong to."
Then my head is dunked into the tub, pleasure continuing and scalp hurting. I'm holding my breath, but the pleasure makes me want to let it out. Struggling greatly, breath running out, my heart is not ready to stop beating yet. Finally, Ben pulls me up and I gasp and pant for air.
"I don't think you understand!"
Then Ben shoves me in the water again. This is torture. I can't hold my breath long enough as last time. I'm scared, desperate, sore, swollen. The vibrator is not helping, especially when he turns it up higher. Oh, please don't let me die like this.
"Are you gonna obey me?"
Ben raises me out of the water.
"Yes!"
Panting, literally choking for air, I breathe out.
"I can't hear you!"
He dunks me back in the water, and I feel another release coming up. I squirm, struggle, hold it all in. My lungs are begging me to breathe, but I can't. I need air, please!
Still underwater, I feel weaker and more prone to give up by the second.
"What did you learn from this?"
Ben yanks my head out, and I focus on breathing, only.
"Answer me!"
He pushes me back in the water, not even giving me ten seconds of air.
There's nothing in me left to struggle, but I release again, feeling sensitive to everything. Drown me. Just drown me already.
"Now what did you learn?"
Ben hisses after he pulls me out again.
"...Not...to...hang...out...with him."
I pant, breathe, choke out, about out of life.
"Good girl."
The vibrator stops, and I'm left to lay weakly on the floor.
"Suck it up, bitch. It could've been worse."
Ben chuckles and pulls me on my feet. There's nothing but air that can calm me down, but Ben wants to fuck. He's disgusting, and I don't wanna go into detail.
-2am-
Ben let me out early, as usual, but I'm scared. I hate this. Everything's cold and hurtful. After what happened tonight, I don't want to be here. I'm scared. I'm scared of Ben, what he can do to me. Justin will never understand how much I risk on just being with him.
As I walk to my apartment room, I find Justin sitting on the floor.
"Shit!"
My lungs hurt from breathing and holding my breath earlier.
"Val."
Justin stands up and studies me for a sign of desolation.
"Justin."
Then I start to cry, because I don't know what else to do.
"Valerie, what happened? Why are you all wet, babygirl?"
Justin embraces me, taking notice of my still-wet hair. Not answering, I continue to sob into his marshmallow-scented body. We're now inside my apartment room, me crying my eyes out, him hugging me consolingly.
"Stop. Justin, let me go."
He's the reason why I'm hurt. But it was my choice to be with him or not.
"Baby, what's up?"
The confusion in his eyes makes me feel so lost.
"I can't be with you. I'm sorry, Justin. I can't. I'm scared. I'm so scared."
Tears are streaming down my face, so I cry in my hands.
"Valerie, what the fuck are you talking about? Hey, come here, baby. Tell me what's wrong?"
Justin saunters over to me and eventually embraces me again.
"I can't be with you, or I'll get hurt. I almost died tonight. Trust me, Justin. You have to leave. I can't stay here."
His hands caressing my back, I cry into his shoulder.
"Val...You need to calm down. It's gonna be ok. Whatever he did to you is bullshit. Listen, you're gonna stay here, where it's safe and sound. Get some sleep, baby. I'll leave if you really want me to."
Justin speaks soothingly in my neck while I ease my trepidation.
After the crying precludes, I change into a plain black t-shirt and shut myself in the bathroom, where I get ready for bed.
-5 minutes later-
Justin's gone when I walk out, leaving me crippled and alienated. No.
Despite the pain in my body and heart, I burst out the door, looking frantically for him. I hurry downstairs and there I see Justin talking on his phone.
"Justin!"
I don't give a fuck if he's hooking up with another bitch. I want him to stay.
"Val, I thought you wanted me to leave."
Immediately, he puts his phone down and walks close to me.
"No, baby, don't go. I changed my mind. Please."
My heart craves him, his "love," his beauty.
"Ok ok, let's go back inside, darlin."
His arms wrap me up, and I feel ok again. We arrive back in my apartment, where I draw him in bed with me. His shirt and pants come off; then he envelopes me in his warmth. This is true safety to me, even though it nearly kills me.
-8am-
The sun is shining through the window blinds, beaming on Justin's bare shoulder. Last night was a nightmare, and I was scared of everything, Ben.
My choice is stupid, but I'm staying with Justin.
Suddenly, Justin's phone goes off, buzzing rapidly on the nightstand. With an exhausted groan, Justin reaches over and puts it to his ear.
"What?"
His morning voice is music to my ears.
"No...No...Fuck, I'm busy right now. No...Not today...Bye babe."
Babe? Of course, he doesn't view me as his only one. I'm merely a sex toy to him.
"I think you should go. I should get going too."
Unsure of how to manage these feelings, I tell him to leave. Am I mad? Sad? Disappointed? Worn out? All I know is that something's bothering me about Justin loving me. Love isn't something I'm fond of, but I'm pretty sure if he's my sustenance it sure means something. Doesn't it?
"Huh? Where do you have to go?"
Justin sits up with his shirtless body and smooth skin. That makes me feel so hopeless, so needy.
"I don't know. Breakfast or something. But you need to go."
Sitting up too, I run an confused hand through my hair.
"You aren't mad about the phone call, are you?"
The look on his face is amused yet still smothered in sleepiness.
"Can you leave?"
Sighing deeply, I get up and head for the door, leaning against it. I'm frustrated and I don't know why.
Maybe I just want Justin to myself. Maybe I've fallen for him.
"Valerie, don't be mad at me. You know this happens a lot. You know I fuck a lot. Why are you making it a big deal now?"
Justin pulls up a pair of sweatpants.
"I'm not."
I want to be your only one.
"Hey, you had your warning, baby. You knew I would do this. So quit being a bitch and get over it."
There's a slight annoyance to his voice along with frustration.
"Get out. Now."
Him calling me a bitch is what finally pisses me off. But it hurts so bad.
"Seriously?"
Still shirtless, Justin asks me in irritation.
"Yes. Get out."
Finally, I grab his arm and push him out of my apartment, shutting the door and locking it.
Feeling the need to scream, I scour for my cigarettes. When I find them, I open it to realize it's empty. Fuck.
Don't scream. Don't freak out. I put on a pair of shorts, tie my hair up, grab my money, then walk out the door.
Justin's long gone, but I don't care this time.
But there's a small piece of me that covets his company.

(A/N: Sorry for the late post. I've been so stressed lately. Next post is on Friday)

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