In the end

Chapter 39 - Try

~ Jensen POV ~

I was starting to get even more worried than usual. Jared was more alive now than he'd been in years but it was anything but comforting. Misha's fleeting glimpse had awoken him from his zombie-like state, but it had also awoken his manic resolve to find her. It had been 2 days since he'd burst into Misha's room and no one had seen him since. We'd been calling nonstop and leaving messages for him but he wouldn't pick up or answer the door. There was a steady amount of room service being delivered and picked up from his room so I at least knew he was alive and eating. I was just about knock on his door again when it opened.

I expected him to be a mess, hungover or even still drunk, but he was stone sober and looked more rested than he had in a long ass time. "Jare man you scared the shit out of everyone. Again. Locking yourself in here like that." He pulled me into a hug and held it. "I know. I'm so sorry Jay, I know what I've been like and I know how rough it's been on you too." "What's going on? Why are you so...you?" He pushed me back so he could look at me. "I know man, I know." I could have cried when I heard the actual emotion in his voice, it felt like I had my friend back.

He ushered me inside and I breathed what I think was the first full, easy breath I'd had around him since before I'd found him in her apartment so long ago. "Grab a seat outside, there's some stuff I wanna talk to you about." He went into the kitchen while I walked out to the patio and sat down. He sat across from me and put 2 beers and a thick envelope down on the table between us. I'll admit that at that point the curiosity in me was currently locked in a deathmatch with my nerves. He opened the envelope and took out a folder that he opened and put in front of me. I had no idea what I was going to se but it was definitely the last thing I would ever have guessed.

I sank to the back of my chair, I was in a state of such shock and disbelief that I hadn't even noticed Jared had left the table. I heard him  banging around in the kitchen so I got up and went inside. "I don't even know what to say. I mean, is this for real. Like-." "Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's all true. Clif said he 'knows some people' so I'm thinking its legit." I followed him back outside and sat while he leaned against the railing. He looked confused. "So what are you gonna do, did you think over what Misha said... about letting her go?" He sat down running his hands over his face. "I did. But this, all this changes everything." He picked up the folder before slamming it back down. "Now I know. The reason she left in the first place. The stupid part is that somewhere in the back of my head I always wondered if it was something I did. How selfish am I right?" I squeezed his shoulder. "Jare. That's not selfish man. Anyone would think the same thing. I didn't know her very well but I know she felt about you. God, the way she looked at you." He hunched over an out his face in his hands. It broke my heart to see him like this, so broken. It was barely a whisper but I heard him. "I loved her. I still love her." There were tears in his eyes when he looked up at me. "I have to try, even if she tells me she doesn't care about me. If she tells me to leave her alone I will, but if I don't at least try I know that I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"Ok then." I stood up and grabbed his arm. "Then I'll help you, cmon." I grabbed his room key and thrust it into his hand. "What-where are we going?" I opened the door and waited for him to catch up. "To see Clif, maybe he 'knows some people' that can help us track her down." The look he gave me was filled with gratitude. "I love you Jay." "I love you too Jare, now let's go find your girl."