In the end

Chapter 32 - Joy/Pain

3 Years Later

~ Jensen POV ~

After all this time I still couldn't believe I had gotten so lucky. That I had the privilege to call this woman mine. I was nervous. Hell I was down right scared. I had this whole speech prepared and had been planning this for months but now that the moment was here I couldn't seem to find the courage. It was Jules' birthday and I planned it so that her friends and family were all there for a 'surprise party'. We had gone out for dinner and of course as hard as I tried I couldn't seem to make myself relax. I pulled out all my acting abilities to feign ignorance when we got back to our pitch dark apartment.

I opened the door and ushered her inside. I flipped on the lights and all of our closest friends and family shouted as one. "Surprise!!!". The look on her face changed from shock to delight as she took in the crowd of people gathered in our living room. Everyone we cared about was there to welcome us. Almost. I tried to push the thoughts of her away and focus on this moment, until my eyes landed on my best friend. He knew what was coming and as happy as he was for me I could still see what lay hidden underneath. His heart was broken. It's been 3 years and he still hasn't let go. I wasn't sure he would ever move on. Jared was the kind of man whose emotions ran so deeply I didn't know if he would ever recover from what happened. Jules wrapped her arms around me and whispered to me. "You're amazing Jay. You are my all." I hugged her back fiercely, so thankful to have her close. "You are my all." At some point we remembered the room was full of people and broke apart.

Jules was immediately swarmed with hugs and birthday wishes as I ducked to our bedroom to grab what needed. Jared came in behind me a few seconds later and shut the door. He have noticed the obviously panicked look I surely had and pushed me back until I was sitting on the bed. "Jay breathe." I took a few deep breaths trying to slow my pounding heart. He crouched down in front of me and waited until I looked at him. "Are you sure? Is this what you want?" I didn't even have to think about it. "More than anything." He clapped me on the shoulder and stood up. "Then get your ass out there." He pulled me up and waited while I grabbed the box I had hidden 2 months earlier. I slipped the tiny box into my jacket pocket, taking one last deep I opened the door and headed back to the living room.

I automatically searched for Jules and found her sitting on the couch between her parents. I swallowed all my fears and insecurities and went over to them. Her father gave me a smile and the slightest nod. Silently I took her hand in mine and pulled her with me to stand before everyone. Jared cleared his throat and the chatter died down. I could hear my voice shaking when I started to speak. "First of all I want to thank you all for being here to celebrate this beautiful lady's birthday and I'm so happy that you're all here to share in this special occasion." I held her hand up high amidst cheers and applause. "Ok so there's a few things I would like to say about our birthday girl. First of all I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to be a part of your life. You are everything I have ever wished for come true. I couldn't imagine a more beautiful, kind or giving person and I feel like the luckiest man alive." In typical Jules fashion she laughed and gave a few bows before rolling her eyes. I took both her hands in mine and turned so that I was facing her. I stared into her eyes and her face changed to shock as I dropped to one knee. I dug the box from my pocket and opened it towards her. "Juliana Grace Van Der Meer. You are my absolute everything. I promise to always love you with more than I am. To be yours always. You are my all. Will you marry me?"

The room was so silent I could hear the pounding of my heart. Then to my complete surprise she dropped to one knee in front of me. There were tears in her eyes as she leaned and kissed the side of my face. "Of course I will." I can't even put into words what I was feeling in that moment. Her hand was shaking a little as I slid the ring on her finger and kissed it. In the background I could hear Misha squealing like a little girl but it all faded away when I realized she was going to be mine forever.

I couldn't seem to let go of her as we walked around the room talking with people. Eventually I pulled her with me to sit on the couch, now that my adrenaline was gone I felt exhausted. While Jules and Misha talked I looked around the room at my family. All the guys were here, even Felicia made it when she found out what I was planning. I was in total awe of how my life had turned out, how crazy and unbelievable it was. If someone had told me all this 10 years ago I would've said they were nuts.

Jules squeezed my hand before getting up and going to sit next to Jared. I watched as they hugged and he kissed her forehead. I could tell he was happy for us but there was still that sadness in his eyes. Jules understood that better than anyone and was there for him in a way I couldn't have been. It had taken a very long time before Jared seemed human again. I knew now that he loved her from the second he saw her, he had hired private investigators, torn her place apart and search half the world but there was no trace of her. It was like she vanished into thin air. There were no records of a Bree Smith before 2007, she seemed to appear out of nowhere. As suddenly and abruptly as she was gone. It was hard to think about the days after she left, the state Jared had been in had scared the shit out of me. He managed to finish shooting the rest of the season but as soon as break started he locked himself away in his apartment. He was convinced that she had been taken or something, that she would never have left of her own volition. After weeks of looking with no sign of her he finally seemed to break. He slipped back into a state I hadn't seen for years. He wouldn't listen to me or Misha and it got so bad I had no choice but to call his parents. They all but forced him go back to Texas for a while.

Even now after so much time has passed I can still see it in his eyes, all that emptiness and pain. He fakes like the pro he is but he can't fool me. There's nothing I can do to help him and it kills me.