In the end

Chapter 45 - Touch

I kept breaking down in random bouts of tears. It was a really odd feeling because I'd never been so emotionally honest in my life. Every time something terrible had happened my response had always been to shut down so I wouldn't have to feel it. Now I was trying my best to feel everything, because I finally realized that if I didn't let myself feel the bad, I wouldn't wholly feel the good either. And now there was so much good that the bad was definitely worth the pain.

Now I had something else nagging at. I was still worried about being exposed and Jared's life was definitely in the public eye, though he protected his privately life fiercely. When we got married I would be thrust into that life too. When we got married. It actually hit me. I was going to marry Jared. He would be my husband. The words kept rolling around in my head and I think they finally started to sink in. Holy shit.

"Jules to Bree. Come in Bree." I finally noticed her hand waving in front of my face. "Sorry I.. I'm just thinking about ya know, everything. It's kind of a lot to take in." We were laying in bed like we used to. Except that it was hot as crap in here so the covers were bunched at the foot of the bed. "I worried Jules. I mean the stud that Jensen told you, about my parents, what is that man is still out there?" She had always been annoyingly optimistic. And logical. "Hun, that was 15 years ago and he must have been at least 30 at the time. I doubt he's still looking for you after all this time. Plus he'd be older right. He probably wouldn't still be all Jason Bourne anymore."

As desperately as I wanted to believe her I couldn't seem to let go of my worry. And I felt guilty because I should have been focusing entirely on how happy I was. Didn't I deserve to be happy?

A few hours later we were at sitting around Jensen and Jules' room just chatting and catching up when there was rapid knocking on the door. Jensen got up to get it and as soon as he came into the room he started jumping up and down and screaming like a little girl. Then I was hug attacked. Ahh, Misha. How I missed him. Cliff trailed behind him and gave me a stiff but sweet one armed hug as well. After Misha managed to calm down a bit he pulled a few bottles of wine from the fridge and insisted that we celebrate. I noticed a few times that he kept sneaking quick glances at me when he thought I was paying attention. Later on he pulled me aside. "I'm really sorry if telling Jared I saw you wasn't the right thing, I didn't meant to-." I cut him off right away. "Misha listen to me. I'm really glad you did. I'll admit I was totally freaked out when you saw me and I didn't know what I was going to do but none of that matters now. Actually in a way you kind of saved my life. Or gave it back to me." I hugged him and thanked him profusely for bringing me back to Jared.

I looked around the room for a moment and knew I was right, without Misha I knew I'd still be sitting in that stupid shack wasting my life. Oh crap. I'd forgotten all about my little "house" and my stuff. There were only a few things I really cared about and I'd leave the rest for someone else. Jared sat down next to me and took my hand, even in our relatively short time together I'd come to expect how he always used his thumb to rub circles on the back of my hand. It sort of felt like it was his way of reminding me he was there. I had a feeling that no matter how long I lived there would never be a moment where my body wasn't hyper aware of him. Even now we were just sitting next to each other hardly even touching and I wanted to climb him like a tree. Of course he noticed me blush and look away.
"What are you thinking about?" His breath was hot on my neck and did nothing to help clear my head. He felt it when I clenched my thighs together and gave me a smile so sexy it should be illegal in public. Then he casually draped his arm over the back of the couch and started lightly rubbing my neck.

He turned his head and kissed my cheek innocently enough and went back to just sitting there with his hand draped over my shoulder. I relaxed a bit realizing that Jared wouldn't purposely touch me like that in a room full of other people.
Then I felt embarrassed that I was a grown woman but couldn't seem to control myself.

Then Jared put his hand on my leg and lightly squeezed.