Close As Strangers // c.h.

28

*Michael's POV*

5 Seconds of Summer's Calum Hood Commits Suicide After Death of His Longtime Girlfriend.

It's been a year.

Hundreds of articles were written in Calum's behalf but not one of them did him and his justice.

Amazing Life. Lost him too soon. Great mate.

None of these things even came close to encompassing the person Calum is.

Excuse me, the person Calum was.

I can't go a day without having the scene of Calum on the bathroom floor, surrounded by water and blood, pass through my head, and every time I do, I have panic attacks. Almost like I have to relive that horrid moment everyday in my life.

A few weeks after both Calum and Ren's funeral, we had been asked to tour again with One Direction, we turned it down knowing that it was too soon to do anything concerning the band with both of them gone.

It hit the fans hard.

Most of them were still upset over Ren when they heard news on Calum.

I made sure, for Calum, that his note he left to fans was posted on all of our accounts, even Calum's. There were so many pictures of tears and self-harm; it was so hard to watch all of our amazing fans slowly giving up on not only us but themselves.

There were so many tags, not just ones like #WeMissYouCalum, but ones like #FlyHigh5sosAngels and #RIP5sosFam concerning all of the suicides committed by the fans that decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

It was so hard after him passing.

On a night, not too long ago the lads and I hung out. It was weird, we didn't do it a lot anymore, it just isn't the same.

"Hey guys," I say as Ashton and Luke enter my house.

We all head to my room where we planned to hang out.

We haven't hung out much since Calum and Ren passed.

Luke and I sat on my bed and Ash sat on my desk chair.

I'm not sure how long we sat there but it wasn't long until I see Ashton's head drop into his hand and sobs erupt from his chest. Soon enough all of us are crying.

It has been a long 9 months.

We knew that Calum wanted us to stay best mates and make music like we used to, but we've grown apart, only doing things together here and there if it was for the band.

"I've missed you guys," Luke says in between sniffles.

"Me too," Ashton and I say together, causing a bit of chuckle between us.

"How have you guys been doing?" I ask.

Ashton was the first to respond; "Not well, actually," he says as he tugs at his sleeves. I know how he feels as I tug at mine as well. "I know that Calum told me to stay strong and get through it, but I just can't. I've reverted back to my old ways and I'm sinking. I sit alone in my room every night contemplating what he did, but something stops me every time. Calum wants us together for the sake of everyone. To show that we are strong, and that they can lean on us. I think, unfortunately, we haven't been doing a great job," he finishes.

I thought I was the only one that was thinking about making the same acts Calum did.

"I agree," Luke says. Luke's in short sleeves with no signs of self-harm, which makes me feel just a bit better. At least one of us is strong.