Cleopatra

Chapter 27 - Reacquainted

C L E O

I sat on the sofa across from this therapist. It had been silent for the past 30 minutes, the first 15 she had spent asking stupid questions that I didn't answer, from then it's been quiet. Yes, I'm upset but not to the point when I need actual therapy. I don't understand why Tyra feels the need to over exaggerate every little thing.

"Your family's worried about you." The therapist Lana said with a concerned expression on her face, one I'm sure she's mastered so that she can use it on all of her patients.

I shrugged. "They've got nothing to be worried about."

"They seem to disagree, usually mothers don't realise that they have post-natal depress-

"-I'm not depressed," I interrupted. Just because sometimes I'd rather not talk to anyone does not mean that I'm depressed. I'm upset but I'll get over it. Eventually.

I noticed her smiling to herself slightly as she wrote something down, probably because she'd finally managed to get a sentence out of me. She placed her pen down on her lap and then looked at me. "How could you possibly know that when you wont answer any questions? I'm not the enemy Cleopatra, you can talk to me." For some reason she refuses to just call me Cleo so that's partly the reason why I refuse to answer her.

"I don't have post-natal depression okay. I love my baby."

"I believe you, I just need to know how you feel,"

I feel betrayed, hurt, angry, upset. I feel like there's a lump that's been stuck in the back of my throat for weeks. Every time I think about Naomi or Reuben I feel like I want to be sick. I feel like I want to erase my memory so that I don't have to think about either of them. That's what I wanted to say, that's what I said in my mind. But all I could manage out loud was a measly. "I'm tired."

The session ended after that and even though I had only said a total of 5 sentences, somehow in Lana's eyes that was progress. She told me she would see me at the same time next week and then I left.

I told Tyra that I would get the bus home but I didn't want to go home yet. Reuben was there so that he could spend some time with Isaiah and I knew Taî would find some way to get me to talk to him. I will talk to him when I'm ready and right now I'm really not.

When I got on the bus I didn't really have an idea of where I was going, in my mind I just didn't want to see Reuben. I got off at a familiar bus stop and ended up making my way to Jamal's house. It really didn't occur to me to think this through before I knocked on his door but by the time doubtful thoughts had kicked in it was too late.

"Oh my gosh it's a miracle!" Jamal's mum exclaimed pulling me into a hug. "Cleopatra Martinez where have you been?!?" Jamal's mum is tiny, she's like 5"4 and she's mad young as well, she had Jamal as 16. She's actually so safe and she's bare funny as well. The first time Jamal brought me to his house she brought out all of his baby albums when he had gone to the toilet.

I didn't really know what to say and I immediately felt bad for not coming to see her. "How have you been? I heard you had your baby, I actually meant to give you something for him or her. Is it a boy or a girl? Jamal went out to get me something from the shop but he'll be back soon," She rambled on and on as she ushered me inside the house and into the kitchen. I filled her in on everything that's been happening leaving out details about Reuben and Naomi. The thing I love about Jamal's mum is that she's so easy to talk to. She wont push you or try to get you to tell her everything, she just listens. And she understands my situation better than anyone because she's been in this position before.

"How's Jamal?" I asked after we talked about what she's been doing. She's a nurse so I remember her unusual work shifts. Bezzie told me that Jamal's dad was back and from what Jamal told me about him I know that can't have been easy. His dad left when he was three and then he would randomly pop up and make all the promises that he wouldn't keep. The last time he saw him was when he was 10.