Don't Listen to Your Heart

Darkness Has My Soul

"So, what's up with that psycho?" Rocky asks with a quiet whisper, I feel rage running through my veins.

My breath becomes heavy, tears start forming in my eyes.

"Stop calling him that!" I yell with all of my strenght, everyone in the room turns to me.

"Think about it. He's dead. Do you really think it's gonna work between you two? You're gonna grow old, he will always be like this. Do you think he would like you too when he's still in his early 30s and you're an old dying woman? And don't we forget that he's a psychopath. He doesn't know what love is, my dear. I'm sorry, this is just an illusion. And illusions fade away, as smoke in the air, as love and life" Sally whispers in my ear, I stare at the blank wall in front of me in shock.

She's a mad drug addict crazy woman.

But, goddamn, she's more than right.

I've never really thought about that.

I've never thought about ANY of that.

Love is illusion, that's what I think too.

I've always fallen for the wrong people.

Never recieved love back from them. NEVER.

"Excuse me, I need the bathroom" I quietly say in a suffocate whisper as my voice cracks.

I slowly stand up and start walking the narrow corridor that will lead me to the bathroom door.

I quietly open it and lock it behind me.

I stand in front of the mirror.

Do I like what I see now? Hell no I don't.

I'm so ugly and worthless, and everyone seems like hating me for a reason I don't really get.

My mother always treated me like shit.

The whole time I lived with her, it was a living nightmare. A living hell.

So many times I drowned in my own tears, so many times I suffocated in my own sobs.

I look up again at my reflection in the mirror.

A look of disgust on my face.

"You never get it right Sasha. You're so stupid and weak. Fall in love? That's bullshit. Why would even want that? Haven't you learn in all these years? Haven't you get that ALL of this is bullshit? Starting from your stupid worthless existence. You used to be an happy innocent child, what happened to that? How would that girl feel about you now? Seeing you this weak. Hate made you weak, Love made you weaker. Can't you see? This is all wrong. Maybe all you should do now is.. die" I whisper to myself as tears start rolling down my cheeks.

Why can't I just get things right for once?

I start sobbing leaning down on my knees, laying my head against the cold sink in front of me.