Don't Listen to Your Heart

Checking In

"A waffle and a coffee please" I quietly say, the waiter nods and soon leaves.

I'm in a new café not far away from the Hotel. I felt like leaving for a couple of hours, just to breathe some fresh and new air. My mind is full filled of tons of thoughts lately, Hotel related and not. What am I gonna do with my life? Do I have goals? Ambition? I literally have no idea of what I want to do in my future. Pure total blankness.

"Miss Jordan, why all alone?" a familiar voice says, I slowly glance up at him.

"Detective Lowe. That's what I am out of that Hotel, alone" I softly say with a weak smile.

"Uh, I don't believe that. Call me John by the way"

"So call me with my name too" I weakly joke, he smiles.

"What about your family?" he suddenly asks, calling out a waiter.

"My mother acts like I don't even exist, my father and brother same. Maybe the only ones that actually care are my granparents" I admit.

"I've heard that both your aunt and uncle died under mysterious circumstances. I'm so sorry"

"Nah, it's okay. They didn't care anyway so why being sorry"

"Don't you feel weird? I mean, you've seen like 4 or 5 killed people in only the last week, it must be overwhealming"

"It actually isn't. I'm fine"

That's one of my biggest fears. Why I'm fine about all that blood and tortures? The very first day I've worked with March I felt pain everywhere, from my head to my stomach. Even my bones hurt back then. But now, I feel anything. I look at dead people in the same way I look at alive people, with nochalance and indifference. I couldn't care less, is it a problem? Of course it is. I'm starting thinking that maybe James is right, maybe I really am his own reflection. Maybe I'm kind of bipolar, or psychopath, or I have some kind of mental disorder. Truth is, I feel kinda dead inside. But, at the same time, I've never felt this alive.

"We all have our way to react to situations" he smiles,

"I guess"

"Do you go to school?" he asks again, it almost looks like a question time he would do to his killers or thiefs in his police office.

"Uhm, no. I quit a while ago"

"What a pity, what was your vocation back then? What pushed you into a College?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to leave home I guess, it wasn't really a vocation. It was more like a way to finally leave that nightmare I used to call home. Even though I'm pretty interested in the whole criminology stuff, it's cool"

"Wanna be a cop?"

"No" I laugh, "I just like the whole thing about psychopath's minds and stuff like that"

"Creepy. You look like a calm girl, but you love horror, uh? Great cover" he laughs back.

"What are you gonna do now?"

"Do I need a lawyer?" I joke,

"I'm sorry, I can't help it" he laughs.