Sweet Surrender (Book 2)

Decisions Made

  "Pregnancy seems designed to prepare you for life as a mother. You start making sacrifices nine months before the child is born, so by the time they put in an appearance you are used to giving things up for them."― Brett Kiellerop

Stacey

Pregnancy. 

This first trimester is really killing me. My nausea and vomiting gets worst everyday. I'm going on eight weeks and it feels like forever. Got another month left and the first trimester is over. My OB-Gynecologist said that usually the morning sickness ends after the first tri-mester for most women. I just hope mine would tone down as well like most women. How can I get through these in the whole nine months?

Jasmine calls me every night. Checking on me. Even Tony learned about the pregnancy already when he caught Jasmine and I talking about what I'm going through. He promised to keep it to himself since he and Tyler never talks about me. Should I be glad? To be honest I feel bad when I knew that Tyler never seeks information about me. I know Jasmine told him that we talk the last time he called her, but I'm glad that she kept her promise not to disclose anything about my location. I'm still not deciding yet as to whether I tell Tyler about the pregnancy or not. This has been an ongoing hot topic for Jasmine and I. 

"I think you should tell him soon."Jasmine suggests one Saturday evening as I lay lazily on my bed, eating ice cream. I'm currently having ice cream overload. I don't care about the flavor, I just get the heavenly feeling of that cold thing running down my taste buds to my throat.

"I don't think he would care Jaz. Just forget it." I tell her, more likely convincing myself cause I know that's the reality. Why live on a fantasy? Happy endings only happens on a fairy tell. This is real life. Suck it up!

"There's nothing to lose. Really. So what if he wont accept it!" Now my friend here is being ridiculous. Whats so important about telling the father of my unborn child that he's gonna be a dad soon? The guy cant stand me! What's the point?

"There's something to lose if he denies this Jaz. My dignity. Me. I'm gonna lose it again. I've been through hell when we broke up, am I ready for another humiliation again? Nah ah! Thank you very much." I stuck a mouthful of ice cream in my mouth. Hoping the burn in my chest would go away.

"The point here is, your baby. Stop thinking about yourself first. Lets think and focus about that little gift that's growing inside you right now. The baby needs a mom and dad. A family. And a family should have a  Mom. And. Dad." Jasmine emphasizes every word.

"Okay. Stop hitting me with that guilt trip Jasmine. I ain't buying that."

"So what now, are you gonna remove that opportunity from your baby to have a complete family? Stop thinking about your welfare. It's not about you anymore Stace."

"Fine. What do you suggest?" This girl knows where to hit me. Am I being selfish for keeping this baby to myself instead of telling the other party concerned about this?

"I think you should maybe send him an email to make it a little bit formal, rather than text him." 

"You think so? What should I say? Greetings! Mr. Johnson. I would like to officially inform you that I, Stacey McGuire is currently pregnant with your baby. If you wish to know more about the said situation, you can call me..blah..blah..blah...That formal enough for you?" I chuckle when Jasmine just shakes her head.

"Ha! Ha! Very funny." She mocks a laugh. She always does that when she gets frustrated. Especially with me.

"Nah. Emailing wont be an option."

"I heard he's dating Stace. I heard him and Tony talking on Skype the other night about girls that he's been going out with. I think he's back to his old self. The party, the booze, women. So, I think, you better tell him soon before he gets into a serious relationship. Or else, it might be too late." Jasmine sighs loudly. I can almost feel her frustration.

"See? That's what I'm talking about Jaz. That's exactly my point here. The guy is not fit to be a father. He wants to live his life to the fullest! He just wants to fool around. Use woman. He sees me as one of those women Jaz. Don't you get it? I know that's what he's been believing for the last three months now. I don't think I ever cross his mind anymore Jaz." 

"Hey, tell me one thing. Do you still love him?" Jasmine pauses for a moment. Just letting the question seep through me.

"Of course. I never stopped loving him. you know that. It's his love for me that we should question. The guy didn't show me that he trusts me the moment he chose to believe gossips about me. He accused me of something that I never did. Us? It's useless and impossible." I cross my arms in front of my chest. I look down at my tummy. I don't see or feel any obvious bump yet. 

"Okay. How about you try to tell him while you're still on the early stage of your pregnancy? If he wont accept the baby, if he denies, then we'll start from there." Jasmine sounds hopeful I know my friend means no harm. She just wants the best for me and the baby.

"How can I even start from there if he already ends it for me?" Just thinking that Tyler will deny kills me. What more if I see it on his face? Hear it from his lips? God! I don't think I can survive that.

"Well, We cant keep this from him forever Stace. Sooner or later, he's gonna find out even if he's across the globe from you. And when he does and its from other people, you wouldn't want him to blame you for keeping it from him. At least if you tell him, your conscience is clear. At least you tried. You wont have guilt feelings when your baby grows up and asks about his father and you cant give the kid a straight answer cause you never tried. You get what I mean?"

"Yeah. I got you..." I close my eyes, trying to think of what to do. Think Stacey. Decide. Now.

"You want to tell him through email? I can help you with that. Or you can call him. Are you ready to talk to him?" Jasmine asks. Am I ready to talk to him? I should be. This is for my baby. Not for me. I'm not the star of the show anymore. The kid would need a father. I can't take that away from him. If he doesn't want to? Then it's his loss. Not mine.

"I want to tell him personally, Jaz. I think I need to tell him personally. See him face to face. I'll ask for a leave from work even for just a couple of days. A week at most. I can get the documents I left behind from him, and I'll talk to him personally. About the baby."

"Okay. Good idea. You want me to go with you?"

"Nah. I'll call to update."

"Great. You can do it." Stacey puts her thumbs up. What would I do without her? She has been everything to me. A mother, a sister, a best friend. I'm so lucky.