Sweet Surrender (Book 2)

By Her Side

 "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."--Thomas Jefferson

Tyler

Stacey has been sleeping for hours. Jasmine and Tony had been out for dinner and came back to check on her. I don't want to leave her side. I want to be here the moment she wakes up. I just sit here and look at her beautiful face while she's sleeping. I try to reach for her tummy, to feel the baby, but I stop myself. She might not like it. I have to wait until she's up.

"We're past visiting hours. We'll come back tomorrow, Ty." Jasmine stands beside me. "She's gonna be okay. Don't worry yourself too much. Okay?" She smiles weakly at me.

"We'll be here first thing in the morning man. Do you need anything else before we go?" Tony asks while holding Stacey's hand.

"I'm fine. Jason already brought in her things, so I guess we're okay for now." I nod my head at them.

"Aren't you hungry at all? Would you like us to order you dinner first?" Jasmine taps my shoulder. 

"I'm good. You can stay at my place if you want." I offer them but Jasmine just shakes her head.

"That's fine. We're staying at a hotel nearby. Call if you need anything. Okay?" Jasmine says. And they both walk out the door giving us another glance before they close it behind them. 

I just stare at Stacey's sleeping face for hours. It's past midnight but I don't feel sleepy at all. I stroke her hair with my hand while the other grips her hand. Stroking my thumb at her beating pulse. I don't know if I fell asleep sleeping, but my eyes suddenly opens when I feel her stir. I sit up and gently stroke her hair so she can go back to sleep. But instead she opens her eyes and stares back at me.

"Hi." I whisper and smile at her.

"Why are you here?" She looks confused. Is she aware that she's in the hospital? She looks around and her eyes widen as she realizes where she is. "Oh God.... Are we.. Am I..." She lifts her head and look down at her belly. I know she's worried about the baby. "Where's the doctor? Can you call the doctor?"

"Hey... Hey... Everything's okay. You're okay. Stop worrying." I squeeze her hand to give her the assurance that she needs.

"No... No... You don't understand... I fell.. There's blood... Oh God... " She looks away and puts her free arm around her belly.

"Hey... Our baby's alright." I tell her through her quiet sobs. She looks at me, her eyes widen.

"What?"

"I said... Our baby's alright. The doctor told us you and the baby are going to be okay. They just have to keep you here for a couple of days to monitor the baby, then they can discharge you." Her eyes water and I wipe the tear the flows through her eyes.

"You already know?... about the.." She whispers.

"Yeah baby. Why didn't you tell me? You should have told me." I put my hand on her cheek and she lens on it. Her eyes closed. She sighs deeply before she opens those beautiful eyes again. She looks sad.

"You were not ready for this." She whispers at me. Her eyes so sad. I want to pull her into my arms and cradle her until she feels better.

"Who told you that?" How can she ever think that I am not ready for this? For them?

"You said so. I can't force you into this situation Tyler. Even though you already know about this, I want you to understand that I don't need you to take responsibility for this." She shakes her head but I just caress her face. I admire how strong she has become. But I still can't believe that she's willing to hide all these from me.

"Well, if my memory serves me right, yes. I remember that conversation that we had at my apartment when you came for your...uhmm... documents." I can still remember how I boxed all of those things that will make me remember her. How I sent my heart with that box the moment she walked out the door.

"Which turned out to be items... not papers..." She smirks. 

"Look baby... I know I told you I'm not ready for this kind of responsibility. I'm kinda shocked, I admit. This is all new for me. I know its so new for you too.  But I'm ready. I will always be ready for you. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness Stacey. Baby or no baby." I feel my eyes water. All this love I feel for this woman overflows. Seeing her bleed tonight, her face as pale as paper, I felt like I'm losing her. I never knew I would feel this much for her. Not until now.

"But you said...." She shakes her head. Sniffing loudly.

"I know...I know what I said baby. And don't get me wrong. All those hold-backs, those second thoughts, they're all useless when it comes to you. Whenever I think about what happened tonight, I cant help but blame myself. We almost lost the baby. And I will never, ever forgive myself if something that bad happened. To you or the baby..." She reaches out to wipe the tears from my face. I'm ready to go all in for her, for us. 

"Oh Tyler..." Her eyes well with tears as she reaches to cup my face with her hand.

"Why are you crying?" I chuckle as I cup her hand with mine.

"Maybe I should ask the same question." She laughs as we both dry are tear-stained faces with our hands.

"Well, these are happy tears baby." I say as I run my finger across her trembling lips. How I wish I can feel these luscious lips again.

"Really? Are you happy? I really thought you would run as far away as you can the moment you find out about this little bump." 

"Are you crazy? Why would I run? You really think I'll do that?" I chuckle. Why in the world did she think I would run away from this?

"Well... To be honest? Yeah. You're very immature. You just think about yourself. You never care about others..." She looks away. I know she means it. I can see it in her eyes.

"Wow. I have to stop you there. That's too much. I think you're underestimating my capabilities. Immature? Really now?" I pinch her nose lightly. This girl always over analyze things. She has always been like this ever since we were young.

"Okay. Maybe that's a bit too much... I'm sorry. I know I should've told you. I realize that now. But I was just too afraid you would deny it, deny us. You cant blame me from thinking that. You were so positive about Jon and I, remember?"

"Okay. Now I get why you think that. But nevertheless, you have to believe that starting now, you cant run away from me anymore. You're not disappearing from my sight ever again. You got that?" I give her arm a little shake and she nods. I train my eyes down at where her other arm still clutches. I cant believe why I never notice this. And all of a sudden I notice it now even if she's wearing the hospital gown. "Can I feel it?" I ask when my eyes meet hers.

"Yeah. Of course." She whispers and grab my hand, laying it on top of her belly.

"Wow. Four months. How big is the baby now?" I don't know why but I can feel my cheeks hurt from smiling. The feeling is overwhelming. Feeling this little thing, this baby, my baby... It's something that I never dreamed of bringing too much happiness in my life.

"Well, I'm 18 weeks so most probably, the doctor said about as big as a sweet potato." She laughs at her own description. I just smile at her while I rub her tummy. Thanking her silently for being so strong. I know I'm not a good person, but I don't know what I did to deserve this. I'm so blessed to have Stacey back again, and for the baby.