Sweet Surrender (Book 2)

Alone

  "I'm learning a lot about myself being alone, and doing what I'm doing."-- Chantal Kreviazuk 

Stacey

"So? What happened? I've been trying to call you all night but I guess you were still up in the air that's why I cant contact you. Stace? You there?" I sit quietly on the cab on my way home. I had a long flight. Almost twenty hours. And on that flight I poured my heart out. I sat there crying silently. Saying goodbye to the boy I fell in love with and to the father of my child.

"Well, just what I expected. He's not willing to take responsibility for it." I answer quietly not wanting to draw attention from the cab driver.

"What? Did you tell him you're pregnant? That he was the one responsible for it?" Jasmine shouts on the other line. I know she didn't expect this to happen. She was banking for a happy-ever-after once she hears from.

"Uh... Not directly."

"What do you mean you did not directly tell him?"

"I mean... Well, I asked him a question. And he said he's not ready for a baby." I can still feel the lump on my throat that's threatening to clog my airway.

"Did you tell him that you're the one who's freakin carrying his soon to be daughter or son? God! I can't believe this is happening." Jasmine is really frustrated right now. I can tell by just listening to her.

"I didn't. Okay?"

"Why not! Dammit Stacey!" Why is she mad at me? How can I exactly tell him when he was too busy warming up his bed when I was suffering from morning sickness! It's not even fair!

"Well simply because he was drunk when I knocked on his door, and a half-naked lady refused to leave us until I threatened to drag her out of the house. He's moved on Jaz! We just have to accept it. God knows how many women satisfies his needs when I'm out here, having the strangest mixed emotions of my life, not really understanding what's happening to my body and I have no one here but me! Only me Jasmine! This is so unfair! He didn't even follow the three -month break up rule!" I'm freaking out right now. The cab driver is looking at me suspiciously. Maybe he thinks I'm mad or something.

"What? Whats the three-month rule? I don't get it?" 

"The three month rule Jasmine. That you need to respect each other by waiting until three months before you fool around with another person after the break up! He totally forgot about it. I knew it Jaz, I shouldn't have wasted my time on him. I should've just stayed here and plan for future with a kid on the way." I breathe rapidly. 

"Stace... At least you tried. This is the end of our efforts. Now we just have to focus on the baby. Nothing else. Okay?"

"Jonathan told him everything that has happened." I was surprised to hear that finally Jonathan was able to convince him to listen. I didn't really ask about it. What's the point?

"Really? So why did you end up going home instead of being in his arms right now? I don't get it."

"Yeah me too... I love him Jaz. I really do. I don't know what happened to us. I just cant force him into a relationship that he wouldn't be happy. It's my fault why I got pregnant. I forgot about my shots. I just realized it... I asked him Jaz, its like  random question so that I would know how sincere he would be once I tell him the truth. But I was more than surprised, I was shocked when he told me a baby is not an option as of the moment. I will still end up going home alone even if I told him the truth. He's not ready. I don't think he will ever be ready." I choke on my tears. I don't care if the driver sees me break down. I just cant hold it any longer. It's too painful, my chest is heavy.

"Wow. Stacey, why don't you come home to Corona so I can take care of you? The next few months would be hard for you girl. You need someone to be with you."

"That's okay Jaz. I can handle it. I know I can. It wont be easy, but I know I will be strong for me and my baby."

I step out of the cab into the rain pulling my luggage with me. The rain pours down on me heavily and they feel like daggers on my skin, drowning my tears. I walk slowly to my apartment. I change into some comfy clothes ones I'm inside the house, dried and warmed. 

I unload my luggage. Putting the clothes back in the closet, I haven't touched any of these. I opened the box of documents that I brought from Singapore. My eyes water as I see the contents inside. Its not a bunch of important papers that I was expecting. These are things that I gave Tyler. These are the things that can remind him of me.

My chest tightens as I thumb a picture frame, this is the same picture that we have in Corona way back in college. The matching frame that I have at home. I keep the frame close to my heart as I grab the other items inside the box. A couple of cards I gave him. Christmas, Anniversary, Valentines Day, Birthday. I smile as I read each of the cards. Every card is full of love and happy memories. I sob quietly as I grip the next item. Its the bracelet that I bought for him. Our names are engraved under it. I gave it to him as an anniversary gift last year. I slip it on adjusting the tightness. 

He gave all these back. These are the things that meant a lot to both of us. These are the things that can remind him of me. Its obvious that he wants to forget us, forget me. Why would he keep something that means nothing to him? I put all the items back in the box. 

The moment he boxed these all up, he has already let me go. That's the reason why it's so easy for him to move on. I bring the box in my bedroom, gather everything that he gave me and put everything inside the same box.  It's time to let go and move on. Move forward and forget him. Easier said than done.