the night :: c.h. (2)

t e n / 0 . 2 8 a m

» It almost feels like a joke to play out a part
When you are not the starring role
In someone else's heart
You know I'd rather walk alone
Than play a supporting role
If I can't get the starring role «

song : starring role - marina and the diamonds

0 . 2 8 A M

Calum held on for a second, as he sat back in his car, breathing slowly before
he brought his fingers back to his phone screen and heavily pushed down on the number for the third time, bringing it to his ear as he tapped onto the steering wheel.

Someone instantly answered the call without saying anything, causing Calum to jump off his seat and out of the car again.

"God I -", Calum muttered into the phone which he now pressed with both hands to his ear, as his hands were shaking this much and his pulse was at least at 200.

"I'm in Philadelphia for the night.", she interrupted sternly from the other end of the line and once again Calum's heart skipped a beat. It was so shocking to hear her voice for another time.

"What, where are you?", he tried to sound as calm as possible eventhough he knew that the words just slurred out of him.

"Can you pick me up from the train station", she said after another moment of silence which Calum answered with by starting the car.

+++

And there she was.

Breathing and alive,  standing about 50 metres away from him as he walked the long path of the platform until the spot where she was standing by the pillar, on her own, in the darkness.

These 50 metres where the hardest he had ever walked. His legs felt heavy, his heart had struggles beating proberly and his whole body was unstable.
His cheeks where flushed, his eyes were teary, and he couldn't ever believe that he would see her again.

It was weird. A weird feeling that she stood there, in front of him like that, almost as if he had forgotten what she looked like.

The first impulse was to stay calm and not grab her and kiss her or have a complete freak out yelling at her. But there she was, so close in front of him and he wanted to make sure it was really her and not just his imagination playing tricks on him like they did so many times in his dreams at first, because whenever he woke up, he ended up looking to his side filled with hope to see she was there cuddled up next to him while wincing at the cruelness of her dreams and him waking her up afterwards.

But things like that laid back at least half a year ago, and it was his previlegue to keep his arms by his side and his mouth shut and to see what she had to say to him.

She still hadn't spotted him until he was a pillar apart, only to see her turn to look at him with the same empty expression on her face.

He took a deep breath, pulling himself together as he stepped closer to her, not quite knowing what to do with these weird body parts called arms.

So he stopped right in front of her and looked into her empty face, waiting to see any kind of reaction.

And as she spoke out his name, her voice was cold. The coldest it could possibly be.

He flinched at the sound of her voice,

and it set a hundred different emotions free inside of him. Her saying his name brought him back to reality and that any of this was really happening.

She was here. He was here.

This was real.

There were so many things that had to be said.

Are you okay? Of course you are not. Or are you? Did you forget about me? I'm so mad at you. Do you know what you did to me? Did you even mean to call me? If so, why? Well I'm here, missing my own prom for you. And where have you been? Did I mention I hate your stupid eyeliner?

But it was impossible for him to be able to even ask one of them and he felt incredibly selfish, arrogant even self centered enough to even think about them. But he couldn't help it to think about her the way he did, and the millions of voices in his head didn't stop speaking for him.

But she didn't pay attention anyway. It was like she wasn't even there, eventhough she looked him right in the eyes.

He was about to say something that he didn't know what it was, but she stopped him by walking towards the exit of the station, and with her cold voice she asked,

"Can we go now?"

He was still in a freeze, and yet he followed the person that he once knew as Andy over to his car without saying a word to her before both of them were sat back on the seats in it.

He hesiated before starting the car, and shook his head as he finally did it.

This was real.

And it was a terrible feeling.

Sitting in the driving car in silence, Calum turned on the music that was connected to his phone. He tried to think of something to say. But there was nothing to say in the empty space between them.

+++

Quick update ((filler)) for u fools
also i saw 5sos on tursday and i miss them so much
me and calum eventually had a moment of eyecontact during amnesia
cri