Magcon: Can you feel my heart? // cash

Chapter 41

•I'm not okay•

|unedited¿|

Lyrics:
Darling you'll be okay

Cameron's pov:

"Don't tell her," she said in a quiet voice, "please."

That was the only thing she could say, she didn't say sorry, or try to explain, she just wanted me to keep this a secret between us. She wanted me to be calm about what was happening. And Nash could't even look at me. His eyes managed to dodge me and every question I had. He just chuckled and rubbed his neck asking me to leave. The last thing I heard before I left his house was the silent laughter of a his mom, like she finally broke me the way she was planning to from the beginning.

Yeah, I figured his mom put him up to this. She probably found out about me and him and forced him onto a girl his mom liked, or at least thats what I hoped was happening. I could see how broken she was from just glancing at her eyes. I knew if I told Nicki that they'd both break down and only god knows what either of them would do. I didn't want Nicki to have the same broken relation ship Nash and I have, I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. Yet, I'd wish that on Nash.

"Can you move kid? You're blocking my paying customers from the merchandise,"  a cranky old guy asked me pushing me away from the display of watermelon in front of his store.

"Sorry," I apologized moving away from the store onto another street that I didn't know the name of.

The flickering light of the firetrucks was the only source of light at this time of night. There were street lamps, but only one flickered on and off like the firetruck light. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I knew no one was going to appear out of no where and ask me what's wrong, I just wish she was here. She was the only one I told everything to. I can't believe I fell for the same person as her, I made the same mistake as her. Do you think she'd be disappointed??

"Don't go back Cameron."

If only she could tell me that. She's probably up there looking down and see our future and trying to warn me. Trying to protect me from harm. I don't have to be broken by anyone. Yet I like to be with Nash. You never knew where the relationship will turn next and I find that oddly exciting. One minute he could be cheating on me the next we're doing it. Something about him just attracts me towards him in a way that I'd never want to feel. I'm setting myself up for a broken heart, and I know it, but I can't leave. Not until the very end. Not until death takes one of us or both of us. Not until he tells me has no feelings towards me. Not until I've broken completely to the point where I want and yearn for death, but who would look at me normally if I said that out loud.

"Cameron get your ass in the car," a woman yelled from a car. It could only be my mother, no?

"It's your mom Cameron, hurry up," she complained as I looked up to take a closer look at her.

I chuckled at her attitude and dragged my feet against the concrete to feel a shiver when my hand makes contact with the door handle. I got in and buckled up starring blankly out my window. I didn't really have anything to say to my mom. She knew I was probably hurt.

"How'd you find me?" I asked the sudden question popping in my head.

"Find my iPhone duh," she replied as she started driving down the street called "Irvington".

"Since when did you know my password?" I asked placing my head on the glass window.

"Paid someone to hack your iCloud," she said as if every mom did that.

I laughed at her statement and just stayed quiet after. My head bumped into the glass lightly because of how imperfect the road was. So many bumps that it gave me a headache by the time we got home. I saw Nash's moms car wasn't in the driveway and my mom noticed me staring.

"I punched her and her nose started bleeding," my mother replied answering my somewhat of a question.

"What?!" I asked shocked my mom would do such a thing.

"She was a bitch Cameron," she replied taking her seatbelt off her.

"You don't do that mom!" I yelled as we got out the car.

"I know what she did, she was basically bragging about it on her back porch as I watered my plants. Acting like she was doing a good thing. Please bitch," she complained putting the key into the house door and opening it.

I couldn't help but let a chuckle escape my lips. "Gina!"

"It's mother to you young man," she laughed scolding me. "I hope you and Nash work this out, I'd hate for you guys to break up because of some homophobic Christian who uses her religion as if that's an excuse to ruin her sons life." She explained sitting on the couch, me joining her.

"Is she gonna press charges?" I asked not wanting my mom to go to jail for giving someone something they deserve.

"No, her husband understands and started yelling at her as they got in the car. He noticed he married a bitch I guess," she answered.

"Is Nash home?" I asked curious and wanting to go over to his house.

"I guess I don't know," she said too busy surfing through channels to actually care.

"I'm going back," I said hesitantly.

"I'm going to smack him if I see him okay?"

"Bye," I laughed and walked out of my house.

I didn't even bother to knock on their door because the door was partially opened. I walked up to his room to only hear a cry echo through the hall ways. It wasn't coming from his room, but from the bathroom next to Haye's room. Me, being my curious self, walked to that door instead to hear someone repeating the words "I deserve this." There was no doubt in my mind that it was Nash and a sudden spark of fear filled me.

"Nash?" I asked stupidly because I already knew it was him.

I could hear him scrambling from the floor to put something away. He opened the door and just stared at me.

"What happened?" I asked.

The answer was obviously printed on his wrists in red and I don't know if it hurt me more than it hurt him to experience it.

"Don't do this," I said slowly reaching down to his arm.

"I'm an asshole," he whisper-cried.

"Yeah," I replied slowly rolling up his sleeve.

"I shouldn't of let my mom do that to me," He said silently staring at me.

"Sorry my mom punched her," I said.

"She had it coming."

"I know," I tilted my head to look at what the lines said.

It looked like it could've been a word, but the dried blood blurred it out. I rubbed my finger lightly over the cut and he hissed deeply.

"I'm gonna leave," I said letting go of his wrist.

"Please don't," he said looking at me with pleading eyes.

"I'm not okay right now Nash."

"Neither am I."

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Short chapter dudes and a sucky one at that. I TRIED TO PUT EMOTION INTO IT BUT I FEEL LIKE I FAILED YET SUCCEEDED. Tell me people tell me.

19 more chapters my bootyful hoes!

Did I math properly right there?

I'm sorry I update so slow, but it takes me maybe 15 minutes to pump out 1000 words if I'm in the mood and it takes me 13 days to get in the mood.

Hope you had a underful day

Word count: 1245

Byes~