{LIE} Lost in Existence [Editing]

Day One

Lost in Existence

Day One

“Oh look who it is: the cutter.  I didn’t know she worked here.” Jaimy Rod snickered, while her friends and boyfriend laughed.  I just lowered my head and continued walking.  I set down the tray at the appointed table.  I gave a quick “enjoy your meal” before quickly shuffling away.

Going back into the kitchen, I sighed deeply.  So far, today had actually been okay.  It was Sunday, so I didn’t have to go to school.  And working was better than staying holed up in my room at the orphanage all day; but now, that they were here, my day was ruined.

I knew that I was going to have to go back out there and give them their food.  I’ll have to keep my head low and try to ignore them but it will be impossible.  They’ll embarrass me in some way and call me names and ask me why I just don’t go kill myself.

It was always the same, every time.  And every time, the need to end everything got stronger.

“Order up! For number 23!” Isaac yelled out and held out the tray for me to take.  I sighed again as I took the tray.

Walking back out into seating part of the restaurant, I looked around for the table with the number on it.  I spotted it and froze.  Of course, it was their table.

Immediately, I lowered my head and made my way over there.  Just breathe, I told myself in my head.  Try to ignore them.

“Oh look.  It’s Ms. Emo.  I can’t believe they hired someone as depressing as you to work at an ice cream place!  It’s so pathetic!” Hannah sneered at me, with a conceited attitude.  She just happened to be Jaimy’s best friend.

I tried to ignore her voice and set down the tray of food.  “There you go.” I stated before trying to walk away.

Trying is the key word there.

Suddenly my foot caught on something and I felt myself falling to the floor.

I landed with a thud.

Slowly, I lifted my head to see what made me trip and I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.  Of course, it was just another one of Jaimy’s minions that did it. 

“Why are you even here you dirty whore?” The girl who tripped me sneered.

“Good question, Monique.  Why are you here loser?  Why do you exist?  No one even wants you.  You’re no good to anyone!”  Jaimy’s voice was so cold, her glare so deadly that I got up as quickly as I could and literally ran out of there, but not before hearing them laughing behind me.

I didn’t care if I just left my job.  It didn’t matter anyways.  I was going to go resign later.  But I just needed to get out of there.

The truth is that Jaimy is completely right.  Why am I here?  Why do I exist?  I’m no good to anyone.  No one wants me here.  She always hits my thoughts spot on. 

I felt a tear roll down my face.  I quickly whipped it away.  There was no reason to cry.  I wouldn’t gain anything.

I put myself together, enough to walk home, and go put my apron and visor inside the building.

Picking myself up off the ground, I fished around in my pockets for a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.  Luckily, I had an old receipt and a pen.

Up against the wall of the building, I wrote a quick note, telling how I was resigning.

I read over the note once before walking around the Dairy Queen building to the back door.  Grabbing the handle, I slowly opened the door and peered inside.  No one was in the back at the moment.

I tiptoed inside and took off my visor and apron and sat them down on the nearby counter.  I then laid the piece of paper with my resignation on top of it.  Then I slipped out, careful to not make too much noise.

Okay, now I know that’s not how you properly quit a job, but I felt no need to do it properly.  And even though the rest of my days off from school I’ll have to spend in my room, I don’t mind.  I have some last minute things to take care of anyways.

I walked away from the Dairy Queen parking lot, taking my time.  I pulled my hood up over my head and dug my iPod out of my jeans.

Music allowed me to escape the world for a bit, but it didn’t erase my problems. 

As I walked down the street, I allowed myself to just enjoy being by myself. 

Your probably wondering why I don’t stand up to them, why I let myself get bullied.

The thing is I did stand up to them.  I used to always stand up for myself. 

You see, the more I stood up for myself, the worse the bullying became.  I even went as far as to tell a teacher, but that only made it even worse.  After that, I just basically gave up, knowing it was never going to stop. 

From then on things just got worse.  People I had once talked to, although they weren’t exactly friends, avoided me.  And then I started listening to their comments and I saw how truthful and right they were. 

That happened my sophomore year of high school.  Now I’m a senior.

But you see, I’m never going to graduate.

My name is Lucy Nelson and in thirteen days, I am going to die.  I am going to take my own life.  I am going to commit suicide.

No one will be able to stop me, and no one will want to stop me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

How was it?  Horrible?

It probably was.

But please, give it a chance.  There are a lot of things about this chapter that annoy me.  But then again, this is just a rough draft.  It’s unedited, as will the rest of the chapters be.

After I’m finished posting the story, I’ll go back through and fix things up.

Also, it’s kind of hard for me to write from Lucy’s POV because I hate the way she thinks and how polluted her mind is.  But then again, it’s not her fault.

Oh, I’m also going to have a song per chapter.  The song will have either something to do with the story or chapter, but even if it’s only a few lyrics of the song.

Song of the Chapter: World Around Me by Escape the Fate

Words: 963

See how short that is?  It’s actually annoying to me, because I like it when my chapters have 2000+. 

Anyways…

Next Chapter: Thursday

Thanks for reading, even if you hated it!

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-Ari