{LIE} Lost in Existence [Editing]

Day Two

Lost in Existence

Day 2

From the moment I woke up, I knew today was going to be a bad day.

But I had no idea it would be this bad.

Someone had tripped me again, for the second time today.  It was a Monday, which meant it was a school day.  Some people call school their “own personal hell”, but for me, that phrase took on a whole new meaning.

Imagine that you’re alone, even with the hundreds of the students in a high school.  Then imagine that everyone in the high school either hates you or doesn’t care for you.

From then on, it just gets worse.

Every single person in the school throws words at you, insults you, and bullies you.  And those that don’t, either pretend like your just the dust beneath their feet or they sit back and laugh.

I can’t wait for the next twelve days to be over, that’s counting today.  I’m just always going to count the current day, because in my mind, if I say eleven days, it seems like it’s shorter until the date than it really is.

Back to the present, I groaned from my place on the floor.  The tile floor in the cafeteria was definitely not comfortable.

And then I gasped as I felt something spill, or rather being poured, on my head.  My vision was obscured by some liquid.  I just laid there in shock, not doing anything about it.

Then, all of a sudden, I felt my eyes tearing up.  Angrily I stood up. 

I wasn’t angry at them though, I was angry at myself.  I knew I deserved what I was getting.

I was a freak.  I was a cutter.  I was a loser.  I didn’t deserve to exist.

Then without a second thought I rushed out of the lunch room, barely able to see.  As the door to the cafeteria slammed shut, the laughter faded, but I didn’t stop.  I sprinted to the nearest bathroom and collapsed on the floor.

Then I allowed the tears to fall.  God, why did I have to be this way?

I hate myself.

I wish I could change the way I am, but it’s not nearly that simple.

I laid on the bathroom floor, wallowing in my own self-pity for who knows how long.  I know I sound like a whiny little girl, all sad for myself, but that’s exactly one of the reasons that I’m feeling sorry for myself. 

I was lost in my own mind and thoughts when I heard a door nearby open.  I quickly snapped out of my thoughts and stumbled to my feet. I looked at the wall, trying to not be noticed, and therefore ignored.

But just like everything else in my life, that didn’t work.

I’d thought that she would tell me to get lost, or say something rude but true.

What I didn’t expect was a light tap on the shoulder and a small, “Hey.”

Blinking rapidly, I turned around, only to come face to face with Macy, the head cheerleader. 

Now here was the thing about Macy.  Even though she was the head cheerleader she wasn’t the most popular girl in school, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t popular.  Macy was one of the few people who had never teased me, although I had saw her laugh at me along with my other peers.  So why in the world was she now approaching me?

That was why I was now staring at her in shock, not saying anything.

“Yeah, I have a message for you.”  Macy said glancing down at her nails.