Liz Whats Wrong With You?

Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the blade slide across my thigh for the fifteenth time in the last five minutes. I was in the floor of the bathroom, my back against the sink, feet against the door trying to stop anyone from entering and yes I was doing an awful thing I'd later regret. I was cutting. I hadn't done it in years but tonight. Oh tonight I couldn't stop. I slid it over my past scars, almost hidden, again. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen.  

"Liz open the door please." I heard Andy beg in a soft, hushed tone.  

"It's okay just come out. Andy said you'd tell us everything. Please darling, we swear we'll listen to you." Jake pleaded.  

I placed my hand over the wounds on my left thigh. Blood smeared all over my hand, the floor, my right thigh. Why did I do it again?  

"I can't." I cried out. I was balling my eyes out like a baby. I couldn't let him see me like this. Not covered in blood. Face smeared with a mixture of black makeup and blood from my busted lip and nose. I knew I'd have a bruised face tomorrow. And a lecture tonight if Andy got in here.  

I slid up closer to the sink and cried out loudly when the cuts ripped open wide as I pushed harder on the door. They were trying to get in. Banging on the door. Pushing. Pleading and begging me to come out.  

Finally I gave in. I laid down in the floor, hand pressed against the still bleeding eighteen slices on my thigh. Blood from the floor caked my bare skin. I had taken my dress off and put another button down on. This one was black. My signature color. I had taken it from Andy. It was one he hardly used and I loved sleeping in his button downs. 

"Lizzy my god what have you done to yourself?" Jinxx screamed as they burst through the door into the cramped space we called a bathroom. Stupid tour bus bathrooms. Always been so small.  

"I don't know what I've done. I've become a monster. Guess we all do at some point." I spoke silently.   Andy slid to the floor beside me. Laying my head in his lap. He stroked my hair softly. I saw tears roll down his face. He remembered.  

"Why?" He whispered, "why Lizzy bug?" I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't know how to answer him. I couldn't give him an honest answer.

  "The same reason as last time. I'm so sorry Andy. It hurts so bad. I can't stop the blood it just keeps coming and coming." I let out a silent scream when I removed my hand and moved my leg to show him the fresh wounds.

  "Man that's bad. We need some huge band aids and ointment. I'm not a doctor but believe me I know." I heard Ashley say.  

I looked up at him in the doorway wondering where Jake and CC had gone. Then I heard Vic. And Tony. Crap. Not them. And Ben with Danny? What was this? An after party? I couldn't let them know but I realized after a loud "NO!" Escaped Vic's lips that it was to late.  

I was looking at Andy and he looked down at me.  "Never again please." He said silently.  

"Never again I swear. I can't do it again." I whispered back. I was shaking. Stupid nerves got the better of me. Now what? I guess I should help at least clean up after I get band aids. How will I explain this?