Liz Whats Wrong With You?

Crimson Kiss

Before you read I want to say thanks for the 657 reads. I try to be descriptive. Enjoy and yes. She has anger issues sometimes. Comment and vote. Love you all. ~ Taylor

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I looked at my feet and walked into the funeral home. I felt everyone's eyes burning holes in me like I was this masterpiece in a art gallery. I'm no Mona Lisa. I wanted to just look at them and tell them to take a picture. That it would last longer. But I let it go. I sat down at a table in the corner not looking or speaking to even the closest of relatives. I was shaking terribly and I felt like I wasn't breathing evenly. Like they came out but nothing came back in return if that makes since. Probably not. Even I knew it sounded insane. I grabbed my inhaler out of my bag and used it. It helped a little but I had a feeling my nerves were the cause of this and I was becoming increasingly flustered at not only myself but the surrounding humans who have nothing more important in there waste of a life but to gawk over a grieving young woman who lost her parents. That didn't come out exactly right.

"You know you can go up there at any moment." A soft gentle voice crashed through my imagination barrier that was butchering these low life's and enjoying it surprisingly. Grandma Rose.

I smiled at her and wiped my tears. I knew I'd cry more but I wanted to wait as long as possible.

"Hi grandma." I replied. She sat down beside me and placed her unsteady, weary hands over mine.

"Baby girl I know it's hard but you can't beat yourself up over it. I can see it in those beautiful blue eyes of yours that you can't handle it but you have to be strong for Andy. You love him more than anything. I know. But baby it will get better. I promise. Now go up there and say your goodbyes. Then go home and get some sleep. I love you Lizzy Bug." She said tenderly.

"Thank you grandma. I love you too." I kissed her cheek and stood up. I glanced at Andy as he walked away from the two open caskets and to a table with the guys. I swallowed my fear and began to walk over to the caskets.

I felt tear drops roll down my cheeks in black rivers as I stood over my dads motionless body. Pale, chalky cheeks below shut eyes. Another tear fell. This time it managed to drop onto his cheek as I bent and placed a soft kiss where it landed.

"It's okay daddy. I won't cry anymore. I know you're better off in heaven. I love you. I'm always your baby girl." I whispered to him. Even though I knew his soul had departed and only left behind a hollow shell of a body that was once alive with laughter and warmth that radiated in bursts of life. I never thought someone could take that away from a man with so much energy and light in his eyes.

"Hi mom. I wish we could talk right now. I need advice." I sadly laughed. "Funny how I need you now huh?" I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "I love you mom. Never forget that. I hope you watch over me." I bent over and placed a final kiss to her cheek, smearing the crimson red lipstick a little as I turned to walk away. I tried to hold back the tears but they fell one to many for me to catch. I sobbed, running out into the rain. Funny how I didn't notice it when it started. I looked up at the stars.

"I hope you are safe. I love you." I whispered one last time to nobody but somebody at the same time. Maybe that was enough. But then again sorry never is good enough. I couldn't say it enough to even convince myself. We'd leave tomorrow and in a way I was thankful. I wouldn't have to watch my parents be buried but I kind of wanted to in the same since. Better off leaving it alone though. Plus the venue was booked and we couldn't screw them over. I heard Alex and Jack calling my name so I bolted to my car, fumbling with my keys to unlock the door. I jumped in and started it, wiping the tears away in a frustrated and angry motion. I slung it into reverse and gunned it out onto the highway. I was upset and biting my lip in a very unattractive way. I tasted blood but who cares anymore.

I slowed down, noticing I was going 70mph in a 50mph zone. I prayed a police officer hadn't noticed. A ticket would only make me more agitated.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot. I cut my car off and slammed my fists into the steering wheel. My face and the front of my dress was soaked from the mass production of tears that made their way down my cheeks. I screamed and pulled my knees to my chest, burying my face in my lap. This wouldn't end well.