Book 5: I'll Wait, Dear (Steven Adler FanFic)

Ch. 33: Addicted to You

"Where do you want to go?" Steven asked me.

Cathy had fallen asleep and was now resting peacefully in the backseat of Steven's car. Her blonde hair was fanned out around her like a tiny halo. She had been eager to talk to Steven, but had ended up exciting herself to the point of exhaustion. Which was good for me, because I'd had a lot of questions to answer for the cops. Answers I didn't ever want to have to expose Cathy to.

Now, we were all piled into Steven's car with Steven gliding over the highway. The sun had long since begun to ascend over the horizon, but the usual morning smog of California hung over us, making the morning grey and bleak.

I looked out the window, enjoying the view of palm trees and sky scrapers whizzing passed. When those began to disappear, strawberry fields came into view, and I could see the farmers in the distance scattered throughout the leafy field. They were busy picking at the strawberries and spraying them with various chemicals to keep the bugs at bay.

"How famous are you, Steven?" I asked him softly, still watching the farmers out of my window.

"What?" He chuckled. "Why does that matter?"

I shrugged. "Liz says your band is really famous."

Steven laughed loudly, but quickly caught himself when he remembered that Catherine was asleep in the back. He peeked in the rear view mirror to make sure she was still asleep before he spoke. "Yeah. We are pretty big now."

"And you get a lot of girls, right?" I asked, remembering what he'd said about why he was single. "Models, even."

He looked over at me sheepishly and blushed. He knew I was referring to that one especially dirty voice mail he'd left me. "Rory, about that, I didn't mean to-"

"You get a lot of girls, right?" I repeated, staring straight ahead.

He shut up for a moment before finally nodding. "Yeah. Anyone I want, pretty much."

I frowned. "Then why me, Steven?"

He snorted. "What do you mean, why you?"

My eyes flashed over to him and we stared at one another. He seemed genuinely confused, and I was confused as to how he could possibly be confused. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there was a lot of confusion.

"Why me? You can get any girl you want, and yet you want to go after the teen mom that you found at a strip club. It just doesn't make sense," I stated.

He stared at me blankly for a moment before turning back to the road. "Probably for the same reason you chose David Lee Roth over me. You have your reasons for that, and I have my reasons for this."

My mouth fell open in shock. I couldn't believe he'd bring that up. Was he trying to throw it in my face?

"I chose David because he is Catherine's father," I said in a hushed whisper, not wanting Catherine to hear. Even if she was asleep, I feared she'd wake up at any moment and hear what we were talking about. "You have no reason to choose me. None whatsoever."

He shrugged. "Maybe I like dating someone who doesn't know who the hell I am. Maybe I like that you don't listen to my band and maybe I like that you treat us all like we're average guys and not some rock gods to be squealed over. Maybe I love you and couldn't give a shit less that you have a kid, because maybe I love her too."

I watched him as he spoke, falling more in love with him with every word that fell from his mouth.

"Maybe that night that you rejected me was the first night I went home sober, and stayed up all night thinking of the beautiful stripper who stood me up," he said with a small laugh. "Maybe I like being addicted to things, and being addicted to you is a lot more rewarding than being addicted to..."

He trailed off. He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. Still, his words didn't make much sense. Pretty much the entire time he had known me, I had taken him on a roller coaster ride of emotions. How could that be rewarding to him at all?

"I don't see how loving me is any better. I hurt you," I reminded him.

"I know that," he said with a nod. "But, I don't know. It's just worth it, somehow. And besides, even if I don't get you, I still get to see Kitty Cat. And being with her is the most rewarding part of my life."

I stared after him in silence for a moment, taking in his features. There were some things that had always been there; the laugh lines that crinkled at the corners of his eyes, or the way the bags just below his eyes bunched up whenever he smiled, and the strange curve of his upper lip. The curve that gave him a perfect, little Cupid's bow.

And then there were some new things, things that I had only realized at this very moment. The dark circles under his eyes, the facial hair that had begun to grow as low as his neck, and the way his eye brows furrowed when he was deeply concentrating on something.

I couldn't help myself.

"I love you," I whispered, nothing but the whistling of the wind on the highway around us to fill the silence.

Steven did a double take, glancing between myself and the highway before laughing so hard that his shoulders bounced. The sound made my heart race.

Was this rejection? Was he laughing at me? After all of the begging and pleading he had been doing since he'd met me, I finally say the three words that I thought he wanted to hear most, and instead, he laughs at me?

"What?" I demanded, blushing furiously.

"Don't say that unless you mean it, Aurora," Steven said as his laughter died down. I noticed that he had a tiny smile holding up the corners of his lips, but his eyes somehow looked even more tired than before. "Don't say it just because it's what I want to hear."

I sat back in my seat, biting my lip thoughtfully. I thought I had meant it. Maybe I wasn't saying it right.

"Can we go home?" I asked, determined to change the subject.

"Where's home? Your home?" He clarified.

"Your home," I corrected him.

I knew that there was a chance Liz might be home, and if she was, I didn't want to deal with going over all of this morning's events just yet. I was exhausted and still pretty shaken. I didn't want to talk about it right now. Even if she wasn't home, the last thing I wanted to do was be in an empty house. As childish as it sounds, I wanted to be taken care of today. To know that me and my child are protected and safe. Steven made me feel safe. I wanted to be with him.

"Sure," he finally muttered. "Let's get you home."