Back to December Book 2

Chapter 23: Fall out

Life has been really busy lately. The routine would always be wake up, get ready for work, reach home by 9, sleep. I spend atleast 14 hours at work. Since I got the promotion to be the head of the Arts Department. The work has never been ending.

I've been fatigue all day long. I don't even have the appetite to eat anymore. Waking up has been difficult.

It's 6 pm on a Friday, and I'm still working. I dread painting and I would often lose concentration. Sometimes my students' art pieces looked way better than mine.

Maybe you should just give up. Really. There's no point. Everyone will always be better than you.

Everyone would be better off without you. Why are you even here on earth, you stupid, pathetic girl.

Why didn't you cut deeper? You could have died and made everyone happy. There's no point of you living.

No. Why are these thoughts coming back. No way, no. I gotten over this. I'm strong. Why are they back? Fuck.

Why are these thoughts coming back? You never gotten rid of it. All you had was fake smiles, fake laughters and fake happiness. You faked it all, thinking you could trick yourself.

I brushed the thoughts off but it came back often. Too often. I tried to cover up how awful I felt once I reached home. I sat on the couch beside Alfie, and just rested in his arms.

"Babe? Are you okay? Your forehead feels hot." he asks. "I'm fine." I replied as I walked to the kitchen to grab a drink.

"Fel, did you lose weight? You look really thin... Did you eat lunch today?" he asked.

"No babe. I have zero appetite lately." I said as I coughed out some phlegm.

"Gosh, you really are sick. I'll cook something for you." he said, as he pulled me into a hug. I nodded my head and laid down on the couch.

I smelled a strong aroma. It smells delicious. My appetite might be back. Alfie returned to the couch with a bowl of chicken soup.

"Looks good."

"Feeling better?" he asks as he massaged my back.

"A little. I don't know why, I've been feeling so sick and tired lately. Do I look different?" I asked.

"Your eyebags are way more darker and heavier, your clothes are more loose, and you lost some weight."

I took more sips of the soup, and took a second serving. I know those symptoms and I don't want to end up being in the hospital.

"You still look beautiful babe, don't worry." he adds. "Well, my top priority right now is definitely my health."

"Of course. Come on, lets go to bed. You really need rest."